Through the Burner
by StarsLikeAmethyst
Summary: Two years after the final battle, Usagi is still struggling to cope with what she went through. Withdrawing from her friends and fiance, she finds herself spiraling down until a familiar item-a red and gold incense burner-is gifted to her by faraway friends. Reconnecting with Seiya gives her hope and makes her question if she's in love Mamoru for the right reasons. U/M, then U/S.
1. Prologue: Lost in Time

Hello, everyone! This is my first time posting a fanfic of any kind - what a weird feeling! This story takes place after the anime version of Sailor Stars. I'm sure I'll make some artistic choices on this journey, so try not to get too irked if things are changed or manga/anime is melted together. Thank you for taking the time to check this out! Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.

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Prologue: Lost in Time

Time didn't make sense to Usagi anymore.

Ever since the battle between her and the entity known as Chaos, Usagi felt like she couldn't judge the flow of time. Sometimes it felt like it had been decades since the battle. Sometimes it felt like days. Sometimes, late at night when her chest felt heavy and her breathing was tight, she felt like she was still there.

_After saying goodbye to the Starlights, everything felt like such a blur. One moment she was caressing Mamoru's forehead, watching him fall asleep, and the next she found herself sitting on the floor of Makoto's apartment with Minako, Rei, Makoto, and Ami. She didn't remember putting the pizza on her plate, but she picked at it anyway as the sound of a news report on TV filled the room._

_Everything felt so surreal._

_"Hundreds of reports are coming in from all over the world of families reuniting with loved ones who had mysteriously gone missing over the past six months. As families feel secure in knowing that their loved ones are safe and that they were not alone in this tragedy, their return has only raised more questions. Why wasn't a connection made between these disappearances? Why wasn't the media covering this story? Where were they? A look into Tokyo-based broadcasting station Ginga TV-"_

_"Please, turn it off," Usagi muttered._

_"The girls all turned to look at their friend. After a long shower and an even longer cry in her friend's bathroom, Usagi sat on Makoto's floor in a borrowed shirt and sweatpants. Rather than fixing her hair into her usual odangos, she allowed her long, golden hair to flow down her back, pooling behind her. It was at that moment that the girls really started to notice the bags underneath her eyes and the heavy tiredness in her voice._

_"You're right, we don't need to hear any of this crap. It's all speculation anyway," Makoto said firmly, picking up the remote and pressing the off button with a click._

_"What if one of the victims remembers? Don't you want to know what they're saying?" Minako asked. Makoto cringed at that statement, no doubt annoyed that she was being labeled a victim._

_Ami shook her head. "I don't think it's possible. Even Mamoru with his abilities doesn't remember being conscious at all after Galaxia took his star seed. It was just black. Nothing."_

_Rei nodded in agreement, pausing to tuck a strand of jet black hair behind her ear. Her violet eyes looked serious and far away. "I don't remember anything either." She paused for a moment, a tiny smile on her lips, "I remember right before... that warm light and-"_

_She stopped as Usagi abruptly stood up. "I'm going to go home. I could really use some rest," she rushed out._

_"Usagi, I thought we were going to have a sleepover and talk about everything," Rei said, a confused expression on her face._

_"I was there." She said shortly. "I don't need to talk about it." Before anyone could say anything else, she quickly slipped out of the door. As soon as she was outside, felt like she could breathe again. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, trying to focus on the feel of the ground beneath her feet. Once she felt steady, she began to walk toward the nearest bus stop._

_"Usagi-chan! Wait! Usagi-chan!"_

_The blonde let out a heavy sigh and stopped, slowly turning around. Running up to meet her was Minako, her own golden hair flowing behind her as she ran to catch up. Her eyes were calm and gentle, like a warm pool of water. Suddenly, Usagi wished Minako would hold her. _

_"Don't you want to stay?" Minako asked gently. She stepped forward and took her friend's hand in her own. "We've just been through so much, Usagi-chan. Let's spend some time together. We need each other right now."_

_Usagi pulled her hand away, but quickly plastered on a large, forced smile. The need to be touched - to be held - dissipated quickly. "I'm okay, Minako-chan. I just need some rest. I just need to be positive right now. I think you all should talk about what you went through together. I'll come see you in the morning, yeah?"_

_Usagi was already walking away before Mina could protest._

Usagi furrowed her brows at the memory. It felt like it could have been that morning, yet as she looked at herself in the mirror, she reminded herself it was nearly two years ago. Her face was thinner than it used to be - slender, more defined, and she thought more grown-up. Her hair was a bit shorter than it used to be, but the color had gotten lighter. As she studied herself, she realized that the feature that changed the most were her eyes. When she looked at old pictures of herself, she saw wide blue eyes that saw the good in everything and everyone. She didn't see those eyes anymore. She had grown up on the outside, but she knew she had changed on the inside too.

"Are you almost ready?"

Startled, Usagi broke the eye contact she had with herself and looked to the reflection of the man standing behind her. Mamoru stood in the doorway, sliding a belt through the loop of his black dress pants. He wore a freshly-ironed olive-green button up and his hair looked like it had just been styled.

Usagi looked down at herself - still dressed in a fuzzy white robe and not a bit of makeup on her face. She looked down at the countertop, and when she saw the spread of cosmetics on the counter, she realized she had gotten side-tracked.

Mamoru looked up after buckling his belt and gave his fiance a once-over. "Usako, what are you doing? You've been in here for a half hour," he said, his blue eyes showing concern and a hint of confusion.

"Oh, you know, Mamo-chan. I just was having such a hard time choosing which colors to wear," she said with a smile. It no longer surprised her how quickly the lies came out.

Mamoru sighed again and shook his head, showing Usagi a wry smile. "Anything you decide will be beautiful, but you need to hurry. We're going to be late."

Usagi made it a point to pick up the tube of tinted moisturizer, "I'm on it, Mamo-chan! Give me ten minutes." She leaned into the mirror as she quickly spread the cream on her face, and then picked up the tube of black mascara.

"Usako, do you have class tomorrow?" Mamoru asked from the bedroom. She could hear the creak of the bed and guessed he was sitting on it to put on his socks.

"Yes, but not until 10. It would be nice if we weren't out too late though," she said. Going to parties was yet another thing Usagi dreaded these days. Though she loved Michiru and Haruka and was thrilled that they were celebrating yet another anniversary, the thought of smiling and mingling all night sounded tedious. Making small talk and pretending to be a normal, well-adjusted college student felt so draining.

Usagi waited for Mamoru to say something. She could guess what he was thinking._ What happened to the Usagi who wanted to spend all of her time with her friends? What happened to the Usagi who loved going out?_

But always the supportive fiance, he called out, "I'll do my best to get you out of there early, Usako."

In the early days, Usagi would respond to that statement with an appreciative smile. She felt grateful and oh-so-lucky to have such an understanding partner. Now, as she painted her face to look less tired, she wondered how many more times he would say it before he finally gave up on her.


	2. Chapter 1: A Second Chance

Hello, there! It's so soon, but I had this chapter already finished, and since people are actually reading, I thought it would be a good time to release it! Thank you to everyone who has viewed so far, and thank you TropicalRemix for leaving a comment! I won't spoil it for you. ;)

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Chapter 1: A Second Chance

On a quiet morning, Usagi sat at her small kitchen table attempting to read the textbook in front of her. The sunlight filtering through the window struck her hair just right, giving it a gentle glow, and the only sound was the slow _drip drip_ of the coffee maker's last bit of liquid falling into the scalding glass pot. She breathed in deeply, soaking the rich, nutty smell of coffee into her lungs. She wanted to enjoy what would otherwise be a relaxing morning, but she just couldn't.

The words on the page seemed to dance around- not too fast for her eyes to catch, but they wobbled just enough that she felt sick when she tried to read them. When she was able to will the characters on the page to be still and could read through a passage, she felt like she couldn't remember any of it for more than five minutes anyway.

With a heavy sigh, she slammed the book shut and shoved it away from her. _What a waste of time_, she thought to herself.

"Are you okay, Usako?"

She looked up and forced a smile on her face as Mamoru entered the kitchen. He put his hand on her shoulder and bent down, kissing the top of her soft hair. Months before this, he would have commented on how early she was in the kitchen doing her school work. The sun was freshly up in the sky, and the Usagi he had known for so many years was an oversleeper who would rather do anything than jump out of bed before 7am to work on a homework assignment. However, he didn't live with _that _Usagi.

"I'm fine, Mamo-chan. I'm just tired," she said. "I just made some coffee, would you like some?"

Mamoru nodded and took a seat at the table. "That would be great," he said. When Usagi turned her back, he slid the exiled textbook closer to himself so that he could read the cover, and then pushed it away again. "Were you up late last night?" He asked, though he already knew the answer. He held her as she cried in her sleep. When she had finally woke up and crawled out of bed at 4:30am, he was just starting to fall back to sleep.

"I couldn't sleep," she answered softly. She felt ashamed for having nightmares. She also felt guilty that those nightmares kept Mamoru up too.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. He watched her as she poured dark coffee into two matching mugs with feline features - one white and one black. He noticed the way her body tensed, but all he heard was the clink of the metal spoon against the porcelain wall as she stirred in cream and sugar.

Usagi pushed down the feeling of dread. She swallowed back the nausea that crept up her body as she thought about her friends dying in front of her and dissipating into nothingness.

"No thank you, Mamo-chan. I can't even remember it. I just know it was so scary," she said as she scrunched her eyebrows and looked down at the floor, hoping she looked as if she were trying to remember something important. She shrugged and then set Mamoru's cup down on the table in front of him. "Thank you for asking though," she said with a smile.

Mamoru pursed his lips and looked at his fiance with concerned eyes. He could tell she was trying to sweep it under the rug, but he decided to let it go. "Thank you, Usako," he said, taking the mug into his hands. "Well… since you're up, there is something I need to talk to you about," he said.

Usagi looked up with curious eyes and sat down across from him. "What is it, Mamo-chan?"

Mamoru looked at her intently for a moment, searching her blue eyes for something. Usagi knew that look immediately. He was trying to decide if she could handle what he wanted to tell her.

"Whatever it is, Mamo-chan, I can take it." Usagi said strongly. She felt a sharp pain in her stomach and immediately she thought, _This is it. He's done._

"I… well, you know, I reapplied to the university in America," he began. Usagi nodded. They had talked about it a year ago when Mamoru decided he was ready to go back to school. He was worried about leaving her, but Usagi encouraged him to try.

"_It was such a competitive spot," he had told her. "It's a long shot."_

"_The worst they can say is no, right?" She encouraged._

"I got a letter in the mail yesterday."

The pause was too suspenseful for Usagi. She nodded quickly, urging him to continue.

Mamoru let out the breath he had been holding, and with a proud smile, he said, "They're giving me another chance."

Relief hit Usagi like a wave, and a large smile broke across her face. She quickly reached across the table and grabbed Mamoru's free hand in hers. "Mamo-chan, that's wonderful!" She said excitedly. And she meant it. She was so proud of him for continuing to pursue his dream. Though, deep down, terror began to throb in her gut.

_What if…_

She clenched her jaw and mentally pushed that down.

"You'll be safe flying to America," she said sternly.

He squeezed her hands and leaned in. He knew she was trying to reassure herself. "Yes, Usako. I'll be safe. You saved the world, remember? No one will hurt me."

She held his hand and closed her eyes, focusing on the feeling in her stomach. She didn't want to say it out loud, but for the first time in what felt like years, she felt like she needed to open up to someone.

"Mamo-chan... I'm scared."

He nodded and brought her hand to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on it. "I know, Usako. I'm nervous too. Getting back on a plane and after what happened is… I'll be honest Usako, it's scary for me too. But I trust in you. I know that you defeated Chaos. And I know that if I by some wild chance I come across someone who tries to hurt me and who I can't overcome, I know that _you _will defeat them."

She smiled wryly, "Okay, no pressure."

He laughed and kissed her hand again. "I have faith in you. Everyone does." He squeezed her hand and added, "There's another thing."

"Oh?"

"I was thinking… maybe you can take a semester off when you're done and join me for the second half of the year." He smiled nervously. "It makes sense that I go ahead alone and live in student housing for my first semester there, but if you're open to it, I want to talk about you joining me. I can't imagine spending the whole year away from you."

Usagi grinned brightly and leaped forward, catching Mamoru in a tight hug. "Woah!" He laughed, holding his coffee out of the way and trying his best not to let it spill onto the wood table. Setting it down and pushing it aside, he freed his hands so that he could envelope her small body in a warm hug.

"I'd love to!" She cried. "I don't care where I go, as long as it's with you."

In that moment, Usagi felt something she hadn't felt in a long time-

She felt like the happiest girl in the world.


	3. Chapter 2: The Smell of Sweet Olives

CHAPTER 2: The Smell of Sweet Olives

After a long morning of lectures, Usagi returned home, shutting the door behind her and dropping her heavy backpack onto the ground with a _thud_. She sighed heavily as she set her house keys onto the cat-shaped dish near the door, and then looked around the empty living room that she was used to sharing with Mamoru.

It was (mostly) clean and calming with its cream walls, soft white carpet, and bursts of green plants (fool-proof ferns and succulents picked out by Mako-chan). Usagi had been excited to decorate an entire home for the first time, so it was no surprise that the bookshelves and end-tables contained a mixture of porcelain bunnies, photos of her friends and family, rose-scented candles, and little signs with stars, moons, and inspirational sayings. One shelf- a favorite of hers and her guests that knew her well- was full of tiny plushies depicting Tokyo's favorite superheroes: Sailor V, the inner senshi, and of course, Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask. She couldn't pass up the chance to buy a toy version of h_erself_, even if the person taking her money at the till didn't know it was her.

She loved her home. It made her feel safe and comfortable. However, with Mamoru across the ocean at university, she felt so lonely. Luna was a great companion, but since protecting and guiding the moon princess wasn't pertinent in this time of peace, Luna spent more of her time enjoying herself and her relationship Artemis. Usagi knew what it was like to be in love and didn't blame her.

She didn't want to bother her friends - they were busy with work, school, and their own lives.

And so, Usagi was left with her own thoughts.

She hated that.

"Luna?" She called hopefully. Not hearing a response, she plopped down onto the plush grey sofa and closed her eyes. She could hear the sound of her neighbor's footsteps above her and the faint humming of cars through the window. She pulled a velvet pillow close and heaved a large sigh. Catching a whiff of a soothing aroma, Usagi breathed in deep and smiled warmly at what she smelled. Sweet olives?

The memory startled her. Usagi gasped at the familiar smell and looked up just in time to see a small, softly-glowing butterfly flit past her. Its red glow radiated warmth, and the smell - like fresh, sweet olives - tickled her senses and sent a wave of comfort that flowed down her spine and pooled in her belly. She stood up quickly to follow, but as soon as her socked-feet touched the carpet, it was gone.

"What?" She whispered, looking around wildly. Suddenly the feeling of comfort was gone, and in its place, a sinking feeling weighed her down.

_Had she imagined that?_

Suddenly, the images came back to her; images she always fought so hard to push to the back of her brain. Her friends saying heartfelt goodbyes as they died. The Starlights screaming as they were hurt protecting Sailor Moon. Usagi closed her eyes tightly, squeezing so hard the lids began to ache. The feelings - loneliness, terror, guilt - all crashed down on her, and at that moment in her apartment years after these events happened, she felt as though she was there.

The smell of fragrant olives wafted up to her nose and she took a deep breath, allowing it to soothe her, caress her. She opened her eyes and in front of her on the granite counter top was an object she never expected to see again.

Usagi stepped closer and reached out with her soft hands to caress the small red pot. She ran her fingers over the cool, smooth texture, and dragged them across the holes that would allow smoke to escape. Moving her hands down to the raised, gold details, she looked in wonder at how beautifully-made this object was. She placed her hands on each of the elegantly curved handles, marveling at how these delicate, fragile-looking features could feel so sturdy.

She could picture the small child who carried this incense burner, with her bright pink hair and heart-shaped buns. This was the very burner that held Princess Kakyuu.

"Kakyuu," Usagi whispered. Her curiosity deepened and she called louder this time, "Kakyuu-san! Are you in there?"

Not hearing a response, Usagi leaned in and gently tapped the ceramic burner with the pad of her index finger. "Kakyuu-sama?" She lifted the lid off of the top and put her lips to the hole, "Heeellloooo? Kakyuu-san, are you okay?"

No response.

Usagi tilted her head so that her bright blue eyes could peer inside.

"Oh!" She gasped. Inside of the incense burner was a piece of rolled up paper.

"Ohhh..." She muttered and looked around quickly, though she knew no one had witnessed her talking to what she now knew was an inanimate object that did not contain a living person inside of it.

She took the tan-colored paper out of the incense burner and opened it. Her eyes widened at the first word that she read. Right away, she knew who this letter was from.

_Odango,_

_We wanted you to have this token of our appreciation. You cared for Chibi-Chibi-chan and protected this burner, and in doing so, you protected our dear princess. We are forever grateful, and we think of you every day. Kakyuu-sama recently had a new one made for herself, and knew that this one would have a good home on Earth. She has bestowed her magic upon this burner. She says it's important that we can communicate with our friends and allies across the galaxy, if only to say, thank you. The princess doesn't read or write Japanese, but I would be happy to read your letters to her._

_I have a lot of hope these days, thanks to you. I hope you are well. I hope your boyfriend is protecting you. I hope to see you again. I know that I could not replace him in your heart, but I hope that I was able to carve out my own special space, just like you did in mine. _

_Seiya_

Usagi held the paper tightly and without knowing exactly why, she brought it to her face and took a deep breath. It smelled like the incense - relaxing, comforting… an escape from the tightness in her chest or the pit in her stomach that she usually felt when she thought back to that time.

She missed Seiya dearly, but those feelings were so clouded by guilt. She sighed, thinking of the look on his face the night she cried to him about missing Mamoru. Sometimes she wondered - another source of guilt - what would have happened if she had said, Yes, you can take his place. She felt terrible for letting him down. She felt guilty for feigning ignorance when they all said goodbye… but she told him not to do that, not to put her on the spot in front of Mamoru.

_While Usagi, Mamoru, and her friends waited on the roof for Princess Kakyuu and the Starlights to arrive, she realized that she **needed** to go the bathroom. She thought she could wait, but each time she looked at her watch, she felt her bladder getting heavier and heavier. She wanted to be one of the first people to say goodbye, but now she wasn't sure if that would happen._

_"Gomen, everyone," she muttered apologetically. Her friends just laughed fondly at Usagi's usual behavior. "It's fine, Usagi-chan," Ami said gently. "They're not here yet."_

_"But hurry up, Usagi! It's not a good look if the moon princess is late," Rei huffed, though Usagi didn't miss the joking warmth in her voice._

_"Their princess is late. Usagi-chan can do what she wants," Makoto chimed in, giving Usagi a wink._

_Mamoru squeezed her hand gently, "Do you need someone to accompany you?"_

_Usagi laughed, "No, Mamo-chan. I'm fine."_

_As she washed her hands, she thought she heard voices over the sound of the water. No one else should have been in the building, so she wondered if that was the sound of the Starlights and their princess making their way through the hallways on their way up the stairs. Without bothering with a paper towel, she found herself wiping her hands on her blue skirt as she rushed out the door. She froze when she saw a figure standing across the hallway, leaning against the wall in a blue uniform._

_They stared at one another for what felt like an entire minute before Usagi stepped forward and gave Seiya a tight hug._

_"Arigato," she murmured. "For everything."_

_She closed her eyes and leaned more into the hug when she felt his arms around her. Finally, remembering who was waiting upstairs, she let go and stepped back._

_"We should get up there," she said softly, looking up to the roof of the school._

"Yeah,_ before we do, I just want to say goodbye," Seiya said gently. He reached forward and took Usagi's smaller hands into his own._

_Usagi blushed a deep red, but she held on tight._

"_I will miss you, Odango. So, so, much," he started. "I have to ask you… are you sure?"_

_Usagi lifted an eyebrow. "Sure about what?"_

"_That I can't replace him."_

_Usagi's eyes widened, her cheeks turned a deeper shade of red, and she sputtered, "I-I… Seiya, please don't say these kinds of things now, especially in front of Mamo-chan."_

"_I won't, Odango. I'm saying them now. Here, just to you."_

_Usagi sighed heavily. "Seiya-kun," she looked at him with pleading eyes. Don't do this to me, her eyes said._

"_I won't make you say anything. I get it. You've been missing your boyfriend and he's back. Odango, I just need you to know that everything we went through, I would do it all over again for you. I love you, Usagi. Truly."_

"_Seiya-kun-"_

_Seiya lifted his hands to Usagi's cheeks, cupping them in his smooth fingers. Usagi closed her eyes. She wanted to pull away, she knew that she should have, but it felt so comforting to have him so close. _

"_You don't have to let me down, Usagi. You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know."_

_He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Usagi let out a slow breath, but didn't move otherwise. When she felt his hands move away, she opened her eyes. He stood there with a smile and said, "Let's go say goodbye."_

The fondness of the memory was clouded by how awful she felt. She often felt guilty about the memories she had with Seiya. Knowing that Mamoru had been dead all along made her feel as if she had done something wrong in forming a friendship with another man. Seiya was fun, creative, and carefree. They pigged out together, played silly games, and told each other immature jokes. Sometimes Usagi felt like they were more alike than she had realized.

She looked up and focused her eyes on a portrait of her and Mamoru at their engagement party just weeks after the final battle. Their smiles were happy, though Usagi always felt slightly uncomfortable when she looked at her eyes in that photo. There was something about it that she didn't like.

Suddenly, she felt awful. _What would Mamo-chan think if he saw this? _The first part was fine, but the last paragraph was… well, very obvious.

She folded the paper carefully and began to look around. She spotted last year's diary full of old dates and forgotten assignments on the bookshelf. She opened the book - a hard, matte white cover with a pastel-pink bunny on the front - and tucked the note inside.

"Now, where do I put _you_?" She asked herself, looking to the incense burner. She tried a spot on the bookshelf, but after looking at it carefully, she shook her head. The elegance of the burner didn't fit in with her cutesy, whimsical decorations.

She wasn't sure if it was the comfort of knowing that her friend was somehow on the other side, but she found herself walking it to her bedroom. While Usagi and Mamoru's bedroom held trinkets that reflected her cutesy animal-loving tastes, Usagi always felt that their bedroom was a little more grown-up than the rest of their house.

_I want our bed to feel like a nice hotel_, she had told him as they picked out a thick, pure white comforter, soft white sheets, and several plump pillows. The furniture in their bedroom was made from a darker wood than the other items in their home - a style that suited Mamoru. The couple also kept some of their more sentimental items in this room. When Usagi turned 18, her mother had gifted her with a set of mother-of-pearl combs which the young woman kept in a lacquered, red wood box on her dresser beside a picture of her family.

Usagi shifted the photo on her nightstand and then set the incense burner down beside it.

When she stepped back she couldn't help but smile at the elegant object.

The incense burner looked as though it was meant to be there.


	4. Chapter 3: Two-Way Street

Chapter 3: Two Way Street

It was a bright, warm day, and Usagi was very happy to spend part of it sitting on the outdoor patio of her favorite bistro. She closed her eyes and tilted her head upwards, enjoying the feel of the sun's rays on her face and neck. A smile formed on her lips as she thought about how much she used to enjoy spending time outside, having picnic lunches with her friends and going on romantic strolls through the park with Mamoru.

"Usagi-chaaaan!"

Usagi opened her eyes, startled, to see Minako, Makoto, Rei, and Ami excitedly approaching the table. She noticed the happy looks on their faces and suddenly felt slightly guilty. She didn't have the mental energy to spend time with people on most days, so her phone calls and text messages were few and far between. She was very aware of how excited her friends were when she texted two days ago, inviting them to have coffee with her.

Minako, with her long blonde hair blowing in the wind and her bright blue eyes shining in the light, squealed with happiness, "Oh, Usagi-chan, you look so cute!"

Usagi laughed, feeling simple in her white sundress and brown sandals. "Oh, you're so kind, Minako-chan. You look so stylish," she gushed. Usagi thought the other blonde looked like she just stepped out of a magazine in her dark jeans, white tank top, and black open-toed heels. Her signature red bow was perched on the back of her head.

"I took these shoes from the photo shoot I did last week! Don't you just love them?" Minako beamed proudly, sticking her foot out and flexing it to show off the shoe.

"A photo shoot? Ohh, Mina-chan, you're so famous!" Usagi cried.

Minako ignored Ami, who quietly asked, "Are you supposed to _take _the clothes?"

"Oh, Usagi-chan, stop, stop," Minako said, feigning shyness as she waved her hand. "I'm not the most popular right now, but I'm rising! I'm so close to being #2 on my label. I think when I release the next single, it's going to help me so much."

"Which song are you releasing?" Makoto asked curiously. She looked casual in a soft-grey shirt, blue jeans, and sage-green converse. He hair was done up into her customary ponytail, and for some reason, Usagi enjoyed seeing that Mako-chan continued to wear her pink rose-shaped earrings.

"I want to release the album version of _Route Venus, _but the label really likes _Starcrossed_. We'll see," she said before sipping on her iced coffee. "Enough about me, what about you, Usagi-chan? I feel like I haven't seen you in a long time. I was a little surprised to hear from you."

"Yeah, Usagi-chan. You avoiding us or something?" Rei asked haughtily. Her eyes were lined with black eyeliner, making her purple gaze look even more intense.

"No, no. Nothing like that. I've just been so busy studying."

Rei snorted and laughed.

As Makoto swatted Rei's shoulder, Ami reached over and rested a gentle hand over Usagi's. Behind her glasses were kind, understanding eyes. Usagi wasn't sure if it was the feel of her warm hand or the way her soft, blue sweater brushed against the skin on her wrist, but it felt nice to be touched.

"Don't be so mean, Rei-chan," Ami began. "Usagi-chan, I think it's wonderful that you are so devoted to your studies right now."

"Yeah, Usagi-chan. Does having something to focus on make the long distance thing easier?" Makoto asked.

She nodded and smiled softly. "A little. It's still hard at times."

"Are you actually going to go to America?" Minako asked.

Usagi shook her head, "Mamo-chan and I will talk about that when he comes home for Christmas. School is a lot for him right now, so we need to wait until the right time to make such a big decision."

Taking a moment to really look around, Usagi couldn't help the confused look that came across her face. "I hoped Luna and Artemis would come with you?"

"Oh, those two," Minako said with a laugh. She leaned in a bit and whispered mischievously, "Those two hid on a bus and went to the countryside for a little vacation." Not missing the disappointed look on her friend's face, she assured quickly, "They'll be home in a few days."

Usagi expelled a soft sigh and nodded, "Well, alright. I hoped to tell you _all_ something that happened the other day. I just think it's important everyone knows about it."

When Usagi noticed the concern splashed across her friends' faces, she quickly added, "Oh gosh, nothing bad, sorry. It's just that... I got a gift a few days ago… from Kinmoku."

"What!" "How?"

"Well... I was at home and Princess Kakyuu's incense burner just appeared there."

The looks on her friends' faces went from concern to shock, except Rei, whose face was shrouded with skepticism.

"How do you know it's Princess Kakyuu's, Usagi-chan?" She asked intently. "How do you know it's safe?"

Ami chimed in, "What if it means Princess Kakyuu's in trouble again?"

Usagi shook her head quickly. "No, no. The feeling… it was so gentle. It was her magic; her aura. I know it." She smiled gently, recalling the smell. When she closed her eyes, she could remember how the kind, warm magic soothed her body and calmed her mind. It was like a bath, washing away her worries. Suddenly remembering a very important piece to the puzzle, she added, "Oh, and there was a letter inside."

"Do you have the letter? What did it say?"

"Ohhh," Usagi hoped she hadn't turned red. "It simply said that the gift was a thank you from Princess Kakyuu and the Starlights. That it was a reminder of our friendship and ummm… that, they hope to see us again."

Ami, Minako, and Makoto wore dreamy smiles on their faces, no doubt thinking fondly about the Starlights' time on Earth. Rei, however, narrowed her violet eyes and asked sternly, "Who was it from?" Her voice was icy, almost scathing, and Usagi fought the urge to shrink back. The other girls seemed surprised, but Usagi wasn't at all confused about what Rei was really asking. She could picture her violet-eyed friend in her bedroom many years ago, reminding her that she had someone else to love.

After a brief pause, Usagi answered, "The gift was from all of them."

"Who was the _letter _from?" Rei asked.

Usagi held Rei's daring gaze for moment before confirming what she suspected, "It was from Seiya."

"And did _Seiya _have anything else to say?"

Usagi shook her head, "No, just thank you and hope to see you again."

Silence fell on the table for a few moments. Usagi then added, "Seiya also said that Princess Kakyuu thought it was important that we have the ability to communicate across the galaxy."

Ami perked up suddenly at this. "You mean it goes both ways?"

Usagi furrowed her eyebrows with confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Communication is a two-way street. If she sent that to you to communicate with you and she was able to send a letter, maybe that means you can send a letter to her."

"Oh," Usagi gasped. "I didn't think of that."

"Of course you didn't," Rei snorted.

"Hey, I wouldn't have thought about it either," Makoto said gently.

After Usagi assured the girls that she would try to communicate with Kinmoku when she got home, they spent some time catching up. Usagi listened to the girls as they talked about university, Minako's life as a budding idol, and Makoto's life as a cook and a student in culinary school, but she found it hard to focus. She loved her friends and really cared about what they were going through in their lives, but the only thing that Usagi could focus on was the red ceramic incense burner that smelled of olives. She tried not to jump up too quickly when Makoto announced that it was time for her to go to work, but as soon as they said their goodbyes, Usagi found herself walking back to her apartment with a hurried pace.

_Was Ami-chan right?_ She asked herself. _Can we communicate both ways?_

She stood in front of the incense burner, staring at it as if it were a large puzzle with millions of tiny pieces to put together. Opening her bedside drawer, she took out a cute pad of white paper with metallic silver stars and a matching pen. She sat down at her vanity table and stared down at the paper in front of her.

"Who do I make this out to?" She thought, biting on the end of the pen. She remembered every word of Seiya's letter, but would be so embarrassed if she replied only to have Taiki… or even worse, _Yaten, _read it.

After a moment, she decided the best thing to do at first would be to write a thank you note to everyone.

_Dear Princess Kakyuu and Starlights, _

_Thank you for the beautiful incense burner. Seeing this in my home brought me so many fond memories of your time on Earth. It brings me so much comfort and reminds me that I came out of that terrible time with dear friends. You're thanking me, but I'll never be able to find the words to thank you for protecting me until the very end. Everything that I have now is because of you._

_It took me a long time to realize that I can send you messages too… Sorry! Luckily for me, Ami-chan is so smart! Unless… this doesn't go anywhere and I'm just stuffing papers into my incense burner now. We'll see…_

_I hope you can visit someday soon. I think the girls in Japan would love a Three Lights reunion!_

_I miss you all,_

_Usagi-chan_

After doing her best to doodle a little rabbit on the corner, she folded the paper up and wrote 'To Everyone'. She opened the lid, slid it gently into the incense burner, and then closed it.

"Now what?" She asked herself. She peered inside and frowned when she realized the paper was still there.

Throughout the day, she checked in, but was discouraged the find that the paper hadn't moved.

"Ami-chan," she whined over the phone as she caught a glimpse of the sun setting outside her window. "The burner isn't working! My message is still here."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"I... what? No?" At the sound of her friend's amused giggle, Usagi groaned, "Ami-chan."

"I'm sorry, Usagi-chan. Let me think... maybe it doesn't leave until the other person takes it out?" Ami asked curiously.

Usagi frowned, once again opening the lid to the burner and peering inside. "That doesn't feel right, Ami-chan."

"It's an incense burner... maybe you have to burn the paper?" Ami asked.

"I don't know, Ami-chan... but I'll try it," Usagi said before ending the call.

Thirty minutes later, Usagi held her cellphone between her ear and shoulder as she rolled up a freshly written letter.

"That didn't work," Usagi muttered when Ami answered. She sniffled a bit, her nose sensitive to smell of smoke that lingered in the air.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I hope you didn't work too hard on your letter."

Usagi let out an exasperated sigh and whined, "I just wish there was a guide, or at least a magical hint. I don't feel anything at all though. None of Princess Kakyuu's magic… Nothing."

"So then why don't you try your own magic?" Ami suggested.

Usagi gasped, "Oh, Ami-chan! That's a great idea! Okay, I'll call you back," she said excitedly before abruptly ending the call. It had been awhile since she needed to transform, so she no longer kept her broach pinned to her chest. She opened the drawer beneath the incense burner, pushing things around until she found it - a golden, jewel-encrusted heart-shaped compact with white wings.

Falling to her knees on the soft carpet and closing her eyes, she tried to focus her mind on the object in her hands. It took a moment, but she could hear it and feel it, a soft humming, coming from the shimmering crystal perched inside of her broach. When she felt its warmth throughout her body, she imagined where she wanted it to go. She pictured a soft, sparkling stream of energy flowing from the crystal to the incense burner on the table.

Inhaling deeply, she could smell the scent of sweet, floral olives coming from the burner, as if someone had lit a cone of incense inside. Opening her eyes, she set the colorful broach down on the floor and leaned in to look into the incense burner.

She grinned to herself.

Her message was gone.


	5. Chapter 4: Forget Me Not Part A

Hello, everyone! Thank you so much for the follows, favorites, and kind comments. It definitely motivates me to continue writing, editing, and updating! You get two updates today - Chapter 4 Part A & Part B. Enjoy!

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CHAPTER 4: Forget Me Not, Part A

When Usagi woke up her bed, she was truly shocked. Her head still nestled against her plush white pillows, she glanced at the time and realized that it was almost 8:30am. For the first time in almost two years, she had slept all the way through the night (and then some). She closed her eyes again and smiled with relief. When she breathed in, she could smell the gentle, floral smell of the incense burner on the bedside table.

She opened her eyes and sat up against the large, fluffy pillows. With care, she took the lid off of the small red pot and set it down gently on the nightstand with a soft _clink_. Her chest felt light and the smile on her face grew wider as her eyes settled on the rolled up piece of paper that wasn't there when she went to bed.

_Usagi,_

_If given the chance, we would do it all over again. _

_Healer, Maker, Fighter_

Usagi wasn't sure why, but that short message brought tears to her eyes and a lump to her throat. Her finger traced every individual signature before closing her eyes, picturing the determined looks on their battered faces as they fought Galaxia. It had taken her so long to realize it, but she felt that she was responsible for what the Starlights had gone through. She was so determined to not use violence against Chaos that Fighter, Maker, and Healer had nearly died protecting her. She knew that Seiya cared for her, but knowing that Taiki and Yaten didn't hold animosity toward her chipped away at some of the guilt that had been surrounding her heart.

When dark hair and a crimson red suit jacket flashed across her mind, she decided it was time to get out of bed. As she pulled clothes from her drawer, she noticed the smell from the burner was strong again, just like it had been this morning. With curious eyes, she crossed the room to check it again, and was happy to see another rolled up note.

_There's only one girl I can think of who I'd consider doing a Three Lights reunion for._

_I'm so happy that we can communicate! What are you doing today?_

_Seiya_

Usagi smiled softly and grabbed her pen, this time, simply writing on the back of Seiya's note before sending it back. As she and Seiya corresponded back and forth for the next hour, she thought of how it felt like a more intimate version of texting. She loved feeling the weight of the messages in her hand, and she felt that her words — even if they were just small talk — were more sincere when she took the time to write them with a pen, rather then the quickness of a text message. Since Mamoru left for America, she sent the occasional letter, postcard, or care package, but their main way of communicating across the Pacific ocean was by email. It could have just been the magical novelty of the incense burner, but this felt a little more special.

After rolling up her latest message and covering it with the lid to the burner, she reached for her phone and sent a group text to Minako, Makoto, Rei, and Ami stating simply: It works both ways!

Within seconds Minako replied with a string of heart-emojis longer than the message itself.

_Yaaaaaaaay! Tell Yaten-kun I miss him! _

_Good work, Usagi-chan! _Wrote Ami.

Makoto's message, "_Tell them to visit us soon!" _came in a few moments later.

Usagi wasn't surprised that Rei did not respond.

What _did_ surprise her, was a call from Rei later that afternoon. Usagi watched her phone vibrate against the metal table in the courtyard of her college, debating whether to answer. Sometimes the ring of her phone - a request for contact, felt more like a demand on her energy. She fought a mental battle with the part of herself that wanted to avoid, and finally, picked up the phone.

"Usagi-chan," Rei gasped, as if surprised, like she called the wrong person.

"Rei-chan?"

"I didn't expect you to answer."

There was a long pause, where all Usagi could hear was static.

"I spent all morning mediating," Rei began in a hushed voice, as if worried someone would hear, "And I wanted to call you to say that I'm sorry."

This phone call was full of surprises. Usagi's eyebrows rose and her eyes widened. "What?"

"I was harsh yesterday, Usagi-chan. Too harsh." Usagi could imagine that her dark-haired friend's violet eyes were shimmering with tears. "I miss you, Usagi-chan. And I was angry that you only called us together because of Seiya,"

"Not just because of Seiya-"

"Just let me finish, Usagi-chan. I was angry and I took it out on you. And I... don't be upset, Usagi-chan, but I thought of Seiya and how much he loved you,"

"I know-"

"And I just don't want it all to happen again. You might feel vulnerable now that you're alone, and I didn't want him to take advantage of that. Your life is so perfect, Usagi-chan, and I just," she paused, and Usagi did her best to bite her tongue. Her _perfect_ life had been chosen for her, dropped on her lap when she was only fourteen.

"What I mean to say, Usagi-chan, is that I want the best for you, and I'm sorry." Rei's voice was even softer now, struggling to get through the tears, "I don't want to push you away."

"Thank you, Rei-chan." Usagi looked at a few familiar faces filing into the building ahead of her, then looked down at her watch. "It means a lot to me that you called. I know this wasn't easy for you."

There was silence, and Usagi imagined the other woman was smiling.

"When you send your next message, please tell Seiya, Yaten, and Taiki that I miss them too."

As the days passed, Usagi got more into the habit of checking the incense burner when she was at home. She was sensitive to its sweet smell, and sometimes when her mind was quiet, she could feel a soft pulse of warm magic in her chest when a new message arrived. Even if she didn't feel the presence of the message, she found herself doubling back to check the burner on her way to class, or stopping by her apartment in between classes just to make sure she didn't miss anything. As she sat in her usual seat during her weekly Sunday night dinner with her parents and little brother, she found her mind wandering toward the magical object in her room that let her communicate across space.

"You seem tired, honey," Usagi's mother, Ikuko, observed gently as she walked her daughter to her husband's car. Kenji, Usagi's father, made it a point to pick up his daughter up and bring her to dinner. That seemed to be the only way he could keep her from backing out of it. At first, he was offended by how little time Usagi spent with her family. After all, even though his daughter's fiancé promised to take care of her, the Tsukinos still contributed financially so that Usagi wouldn't worry about working while she was in school. When Usagi decided she wanted to go to school so that she could work with children, her family had a meeting and discussed how best to make it work.

_"I try really hard to focus, I promise, but sometimes it's hard," Usagi had admitted through tears._

They decided that to give Usagi the best chance, she would only work when school wasn't in session.

When Kenji noticed that he saw even less of his young daughter than he expected, he felt upset. When she skipped her third scheduled family dinner, Kenji called her with a voice soaked in disappointment, telling her that it was time for her to pack up and come home.

_"It's not you, dad. I promise," she said. "I'm just so tired from everything," she muttered, sounding defeated. She couldn't share her suffering with her family when there was so many layers to it._

_"School can be exhausting, and you're trying so hard," he murmured._ That was when they agreed that if Kenji picked her up, she would come.

Usagi smiled gently and nodded, "I've been working hard, Mama."

"I know, dear, and we're so proud of you," Ikuko said before kissing her daughter's forehead.

At first the process of _sending_ a message to Kinmoku felt tiring. She found herself falling into a deep, restful sleep around eight o'clock at night — her mind and body drained from honing the silver crystal's powerful magic. It still felt that way, if she were honest with herself, but she also enjoyed her new connection with the crystal. Visualizing its clean, purifying magic and feeling it wash over her body was a soothing sensation. She felt like she was at peace. She thought of her friend Rei, who spent her time meditating in front of a fire. Usagi had tried meditating with her once, but every sound and itch distracted her, making it feel like wasted time she'd never get back. _If it felt like this_, she thought, _I would have been doing this all along._

Sitting in front of her computer, she clicked and scrolled until she landed on Mamoru's last email to her. They sent brief check-ins back and forth, but she hadn't been able to find the words to explain exactly what her past week had been like.

Usagi started with what she thought would be easy, typing a short paragraph about seeing her family that weekend. _They all send their love!_ she typed. Feeling warmed up, she began to type about the burner, but then stopped suddenly. She stared at the words on her screen for a long, drawn-out moment, and then roughly pressed her finger against the backspace key, holding it down until any mention of the burner, Kinmoku, or Fighter had disappeared.

Instead, she simply said: "Something exciting happened! I can't wait to tell you about it when you visit for Christmas! I'm counting down the days."

She couldn't pinpoint exactly why she didn't want to type it all in an email to Mamoru. _I'm not keeping a secret_, she said to herself firmly. _I'm waiting until a better time. Who knows where this email could end up! _

Soon enough, she was distracted by the smell of olives, and Usagi stopped worrying about telling Mamoru.


	6. Chapter 4: Forget Me Not Part B

Forget Me Not, Part B

Another week went by, and even though she had dozens of notes from Seiya, the one Usagi thought about the most was about food.

_I miss Earth food! _Seiya wrote. _I wish I could cook anything similar here._

After toying with the idea of trying to send a mini cheeseburger through the burner, Usagi found herself admitting that she was interested in learning how to cook something new. She thought of Mamoru's upcoming visit and wrote about how nice it would be to learn how to cook an American meal.

"I have a hard time following recipes though," she admitted.

"You should ask Makoto. I'm sure she would help you," Seiya wrote reassuringly. "Try it! It's always good to try new things."

When she thought back to the last time she had tried something new, she thought fondly of learning how to play baseball with Seiya. Getting hit in the face with a ball wasn't very fun and that wasn't a part of the memory that she was fond of, but spending time with her friend and being not-so-terrible when it was time to play against another team was worth the effort. She never really thought of herself as adventurous (if it didn't involve saving the planet from impending doom), so she decided to act on her sudden burst of motivation before it disappeared.

With a confident nod, she set the note down and picked up her phone. After a few rings, her friend picked up the phone with a curious, "Usagi?"

"Hi, Mako-chan!" She said cheerfully.

There was a short pause before Makoto said warmly, "It's so good to hear from you, Usagi-chan. How are you?"

They exchanged pleasantries before Usagi tried to get to the point. "So Mako-chan, I was wondering… and I know you're really busy with school and work and I know you do a lot-"

She was cut off by her friend's gentle laugh. "You know I would do anything for you."

"I was wondering … um, if you would teach me how to cook something?"

Makoto didn't miss a beat in responding. "Oh, Usagi-chan! I'd _love_ to! Did you have something in mind?"

"Oh, well, Mamo-chan is coming home soon for Christmas and I was thinking it would be nice to know how to cook something that tastes American. Maybe something you ate on your trip last summer that you liked?"

"That is such a fun idea, Usagi-chan! Oh, I know - let's get some bottles of wine and invite all the girls," Makoto said with excitement.

"Oh, I… Mako-chan," Usagi stumbled out. "Honestly, I was hoping we could just do something together," she finished quietly. She hoped she wouldn't have to explain herself.

The silence between them filled Usagi's stomach with anxiety.

"We can do that, Usagi-chan. I would _love_ that," she with a gentle, understanding voice.

When Usagi said goodbye to her friend and set down the phone, she was startled by a voice behind her, asking, "Was that Mako-chan?"

She felt like her heart dropped into her stomach, and as she turned around, she instinctively reached for the broach that she used to keep on her chest.

"Usagi-chan, it's me! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," said the small black cat. Her round, red eyes were full of concern.

Usagi laughed and touched her cheek. "Oh, my. I'm sorry, I didn't know when to expect you, Luna-chan."

Luna slinked closer and pressed herself to Usagi's leg. "Have you been well?" The woman smiled and bent down, gently brushing her fingers against the golden crescent moon adorning the feline's forehead, then continued to run her hands down her silky fur.

"I've been really good," she said, smiling. "I have a lot to tell you about!"

As Usagi explained to Luna about the incense burner and the letters from Kinmoku, she felt excitement run through her body like electricity. She knew the movements she made with her hands were dramatic and that at times her voice got a little too loud, but the joy was hard to contain. At the end of her short tale, Luna said something she didn't expect:

"_Wow_, Usagi-chan. I'm proud of you!"

"Huh." The blonde stared at the cat for a moment before asking, "Why?"

"You used your power in a new way! I'm sure that all that practice is helping you become more disciplined when using the crystal."

"Oh, I guess I did." She tilted her head and looked up as she thought about the time she spent sending letters. "It does get easier each time. I wonder if one day I won't even need to hold the crystal in my hand to use it," she mused. She thought of the glittering crystal inside of her broach, no longer hiding among the mess the drawer of her nightstand, but now sitting prominently on top of it. It was odd, but sometimes when she held the crystal in her hand, it felt like it was _happier_ now. But how could an inanimate object be happy?

"That is the kind of discipline your mother, Queen Serenity, had. And I'm sure Neo-Queen Serenity probably has it as well," Luna said with a proud smile.

Usagi's eyes widened as she thought of a person— a future version of herself— that she hadn't thought of in a few weeks. She pictured the neo queen: graceful, elegant, and beautiful with her soft curves, cascading locks of golden blonde hair, and her serene smile. In her vision she held hands with a short, young child. The child had pastel pink hair cascading from cone-shaped buns on the top of her head and wide, red eyes behind thick black lashes.

Usagi wasn't sure why thinking of the young child made her feel uneasy.

Desperate to change the subject, Usagi said with exaggerated enthusiasm, "Tell me about your vacation!"

Usagi laid down on the sofa as she listened to Luna recount details of sprawling green hills, mountain peaks shrouded with low clouds, and the smell of fresh, clean air. She watched the black cat speak with a longing smile on her lips. "That sounds so lovely, Luna-chan," she murmured. The sound of Luna's sweet, sing-song voice describing the beautiful scenery relaxed her, and by the end of her story, her eyelids began to feel heavy.

"Yes, Usagi-chan. I hope we can go together some time," Luna replied, nuzzling her nose against the sleepy woman's cheek.

Usagi thought back to a trip to the mountains she took in high school with her friends, and the surprise it was to find The Three Lights there, shooting an action film. As she drifted off to sleep, that misty, Japanese mountain turned into the rolling green hills of Kinmoku, speckled with delicate orange flowers, just like in Seiya's letters.

The next morning, Usagi awoke feeling refreshed and excited. She tapped her feet, bit her lip, and wished that time would go faster so that her kitchen-savvy friend could leave work and come over to visit. There was a moment when Usagi wondered if it'd be too weird to stop by the restaurant where Makoto was for a bite to eat. She decided against it.

When the sound of the doorbell rang through Usagi's apartment, she was quick to rush to the door to answer it. There stood Makoto, two reusable grocery bags hanging from her arm. After being ushered to the kitchen, Makoto began to pull ingredients out. Fresh herbs, bottled spices, vegetables, cheese, cream, noodles, and a package of chicken breasts were piled onto the counter.

"And last but not least," Makoto started as she pulled a bottle out of the bag. "Sauvignon Blanc!"

"Sauvi-what?"

"It's a white wine, Usagi. Don't worry, we'll work on that."

"That sounds French. Aren't we making American?"

"Wine goes with _everything_, besides," Makoto squinted at the label. "This one's from Chile. That's in South America."

"But we're making _North_ American."

Makoto laughed as she slipped a floral patterned apron over her green sweater, "Just trust me, Usagi-chan. It'll pair well. Oh, and this is for you," she said, reaching into her bag to pull out a second apron.

"Ooo," Usagi gasped, unfolding it. She held the apron against her body and looked down, grinning widely at the cutesy pattern on it. The garment was a pastel pink with white and black rabbits scattered all over it. "_Sugoi! _Is this for me?"

"Yeah, there's a boutique next door to the restaurant that sells them. They're all handmade. I saw the bunny one this morning and I knew I had to get it for you."

"Thank you so much, Mako-chan." When Makoto smiled at Usagi, it filled her heart to the brim with warmth. She didn't expect to feel so much at once, and suddenly she began to feel tears pooling in her eyes. Quickly, she brought a hand to her face, wiping them away.

"Oh, don't cry, Usagi-chan," Makoto laughed gently, stepping closer to give Usagi a hug. "I'd do anything for you. Getting you a new apron is the least I could do, really."

"It's not just that," Usagi murmured. "You're a really good friend, Mako-chan. I know I haven't been around much, but I hope you know that I love you."

The taller girl held her friend tighter and when Usagi looked up, she could see that her emerald-colored eyes were sparkling with tears as well. "I love you too, Usagi-chan. We all do, you know."

"I know."

Once the girls finished their hugs and wiped the tears from their eyes, they washed their hands and began to gather pots and pans, cutting boards, knives, and all the other essential things Makoto asked for in Usagi's surprisingly well-stocked kitchen.

"I'm impressed, Usagi-chan," Makoto said, looking at the variety of tools and dishes laid out on the counter top.

The blonde shrugged, "It's all Mamo-chan. He likes to cook."

Usagi soon found herself closely watching Makoto make a row of slices across a golden-yellow potato. She looked down and began to slice her own, "Is this right, Mako-chan?" She tried her best to keep the round, earthy vegetable from rolling out from under her freshly-sharpened knife.

Makoto leaned over to inspect and nodded, "That's great, Usagi-chan. Next time make your slices a little thinner, but it will cook just fine." Usagi continued to follow her lead as she added olive oil and seasoned the potato with salt, pepper, and herbs.

"What is this dish called again?" Usagi asked curiously.

"Hasselback potatoes."

"Hmm... that sounds German."

"Swedish, actually."

"But I thought we were making _American_!"

Makoto laughed heartily and said, "American food comes from everywhere, Usagi-chan. But look, I brought stuff to make macaroni and cheese!" She held up a box of dry noodles and shook it. "This is the most American thing we can make!"

Usagi was already distracted, holding a bushel of fresh rosemary to her nose. "Ohhh, Mako-chan, this smells so good."

Usagi had so much fun that she forgot about all her worries for awhile. The vegetables she prepared for the salad were unevenly chopped and of various shapes and sizes, and her chicken breast was maybe a little bit _too_ browned on one side, but she felt good about trying something different and not completely failing at it. It helped to have Makoto, who was patient, understanding, and kind. Her friend was careful to keep her on task, correct her in gentle ways, and patiently demonstrate how to do things. While Usagi loved all of her friends, she was relieved that the others weren't there to distract her or tease her if she made a mistake.

Once the table was set and Makoto took a picture of Usagi smiling beside the plate that she had prepared, the two women sat down to enjoy their "American meal" of chicken breast, roasted potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and a fresh salad. The two gently clinked their glasses together, and Makoto giggled as Usagi sniffed the sweet but earthy-smelling alcohol before taking a small, cautious sip. When she scrunched her nose, Makoto's giggles grew into full-blown laughter.

"It will grow on you," she said before taking a sip from her own glass of wine. "It's been a few weeks now... how are the Starlights doing?"

Usagi smiled fondly, "They are doing really well. They rebuilt their home and seem to be really happy. Seiya's been writing a lot of songs lately." She thought of the lyrics he had sent a few days ago, and she briefly wondered if he would send more.

"Do you talk to him often?" Makoto asked. Usagi looked down at her plate, poking at a cheesy noodle as she thought of how to answer that question. She felt like it had so many nuances to it. She wondered what her friend would say if she told the truth, that yes, we talk often. In fact, we talk every day.

"I guess so," she said with a shrug. A silence settled over the table, and Usagi looked up from her meal, searching Makoto's face for anything that would make her feel like she could open up without judgement. Her friend was kind and understanding, but would she understand _this_? Did Makoto still think that Usagi was oblivious to Seiya's feelings? A part of her wanted to say something about the collection of letters, and those words danced on the tip of Usagi's tongue.

Suddenly, the image of Rei with her intense violet eyes in a disapproving scowl flashed across Usagi's mind.

While she trusted Makoto with her life, she wasn't sure if she could trust Makoto not to tell Rei. And Rei knew better. She knew that Usagi wasn't oblivious. She had seen Seiya confess to her with her own eyes.

Usagi decided she couldn't tell Makoto. She allowed the silence to continue.

Usagi felt guilty for shutting her friend out, but grateful that she wasn't pressing her for more information. Makoto continued to eat her meal, looking up every so often at her blue-eyed friend. Usagi avoided those glances by looking down at the lettuce on her plate, and after some time, she let her thoughts wander back to her earlier conversation with Luna. Bringing up her cat's vacation sounded a lot better than sitting in silence, but as she thought back to the previous night, she was reminded of the elegant Neo-Queen holding hands with a lovely, pink-haired little girl. With a small sigh, she quietly asked, "How do you think Chibiusa-chan is doing?"

"Chibiusa?" Usagi looked up suddenly from her meal to find Makoto blinking with confusion, before looking up at the ceiling, as if to search her brain for an answer. Suddenly, the mental light-switch turned on, and the brown-haired woman seemed to have her moment of enlightenment. "Oh, yes! Chibiusa-chan. I'm sure she's doing great. Do you think she'll be visiting us again soon?"

Usagi stared at her friend for a moment before shaking her head. Meekly, she murmured, "Unless there's an issue in the future, I don't really think so,"

Makoto continued to eat and ask questions, and Usagi did her best to answer them. However, the swirling discomfort in her stomach traveled up her body, like a tub filling with water, and it made it hard for her to focus. There was only one question that was important to her at that time:

Why did it take so long for Makoto to remember who Chibiusa was?


	7. Chapter 5: Show and Tell

Hello, everyone! To those in America who just celebrated Thanksgiving, I hope it was great! I didn't update last week, but I have a long chapter for you. Things are about to change... ;) Thank you to anyone who has reviewed or followed recently!

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Chapter 5: Show and Tell

Usagi wasn't sure how or why she was running so far behind, but she knew that she incredibly late for school. She grabbed her pale pink messenger bag from its spot on the floor and slung it over her shoulder as she ran down the hallway and clomped loudly down the stairs. Just as her her hand reached the doorknob, she heard her mother call from the kitchen.

"Usagi-chan?"

"No time for breakfast, mom!" She called out, pausing briefly to look at herself in the mirror beside the door. The golden odangos perched on the top of her head were, surprisingly, very even. However, the large, navy blue bow on her Jubaan High School uniform was a little crooked.

"Usagi, did you forget that you have to take Chibiusa-chan to school?"

Usagi groaned with a deep sense of disappointment. "Mom," she whined, tilting the golden broach on her chest. "Can't you take her? I'm already late."

"This is your responsibility, Usagi-chan," Ikuko said, her usually warm voice was stern. "After all, she's _your_ daughter."

Usagi's eyes widened at that statement.

_How did she know that?_

"M-mom, how-"

"We don't have time for this, Usagi." Ikuko turned away from Usagi who stood stuttering in the hallway, and called out, "Small Lady! Your mother is waiting for you."

When Ikuko turned back to look at her daughter, Usagi stumbled backwards into the door, panic settling into her stomach. Ikuko's kind, blue eyes, were now an icy shade of gray. It was then that Usagi noticed that her mother's white and green cotton apron was draped over a silky white gown. Before her eyes, her mother's waterfall of wavy lilac hair transitioned to cool, gleaming silver.

"What are you staring at like that Usagi?" Chibiusa asked, rolling her red eyes. She looked normal at least, dressed in a bright blue primary school uniform. "Let's _go_," she hurried Usagi, grabbing onto her hand and roughly pulling her outside.

At first Usagi couldn't put her finger on why her street felt so wrong. The more she focused on the houses, the darker and more decrepit they looked. Dry, yellowed lawns were surrounded by crumbling fences. When did her neighborhood start to look so rough? When she looked up at the sky, she noticed it was a hazy shade of green. Had it always been that color?

"Usagi-chan?"

Usagi looked down at Chibiusa. She was startled when she looked down to see that her own outfit had changed into a flowing white dress. It shimmered, and when she looked behind her, she could see two large, transparent wings. The sky's murky shade of green reflected on her gown and onto her pale arms, making her skin look ill.

"Usagi!" Chibiusa repeated her name, annoyed this time.

"Chibiusa-chan?" She asked, gently.

"Why don't you love me anymore?"

Usagi stopped in her tracks. Without another thought, she knelt down, feeling the concrete through the silk of her gown.

"Why would you say that, Chibiusa-chan? Of course I love you," she said, her voice taking on a fierceness she hadn't heard in a long time.

"Then why are you letting me disappear?"

Before her very eyes, the young, pink-haired girl began to evaporate.

"Chibiusa-chan?" Usagi cried out, reaching forward. Her hands went right through the young girl. Within seconds, the girl went from being translucent, into nothing at all.

"Chibiusa-chan!" She screamed.

Usagi woke with a start, gasping for air as she grasped at the empty space before her. It took a moment of searching - her eyes scanning the white walls, the light wood chairs, and then finally settling on a shelf full of sailor senshi plushies - before she realized that she had just woken up from a terrible dream.

She sat up, confused, as she realized that instead of in her comfortable bed of fluffy white pillows, she was sleeping on the gray couch. It all came back to her when her eyesight fell on the pile of green and red in the corner. She had been up past midnight hanging lights on the wall, wreaths on the doors, red velvet stockings above the fireplace, and then trying her very best to set up the Christmas tree.

The synthetic tree was a hand-me-down from her mother's storage room, and it wasn't as easy to set up as she thought it was. Yes, there were only three pieces, but she had the hardest time shoving the top piece into the bottom two tiers. With only a little bit of shame, she left two thirds of the tree sitting in the corner of the living room. The top tier and a bin full of decorations sat in another corner, waiting for Mamoru to come home.

She reached under the couch pillows to find her phone as it rang loudly to tell her that it was time to wake up. Looking at the time, she yawned. It was nearly time to pick Mamoru up from the airport. With anticipation building in her belly, she dragged herself off of the couch and and began to get ready.

When she finally stood in the doorway, putting a soft white winter hat on her head and putting on her jacket, she looked to her bedroom door and wondered if she had enough time to check the burner. She glanced at her watch. It was cutting it close, but she decided it was worth being just a few minutes behind.

She opened the lid and looked inside, smiling happily when she saw a rolled letter. Seiya spoke of a funny prank he and Star Maker played on Star Healer. At the end, Seiya had scribbled a quick mention of Mamoru - "I hope you have a good visit with your boyfriend. I can't wait to hear about how your American dinner goes." Quickly, Usagi folded the letter and put it in her pocket before grabbing a set of keys and then bounding out the door.

She was grateful that she only missed _one_ turn and only had to circle the airport once before she parked Mamoru's red, two-door sports car and made her way to the baggage claim. She waited with a stomach full of nerves, gently thumbing the folded piece of paper in her pocket as she watched countless people riding down the elevator. When she finally spotted her fiancé with his tousled black hair and sun-kissed skin, she felt a jolt of excitement through her body.

"Mamo-chan," she cried out, making her way through the now-crowded concourse area to gather him into a tight hug. She felt his carry-on bag drop near her feet, and she relaxed into his warm embrace. When she closed her eyes, she could feel her worries melting away.

"You look so beautiful," he said softly, brushing her bangs away from her forehead. "Usako, I-"

The sunlight reflected off of the golden heart on her chest, and distracted, Mamoru's eyes widened. "Your broach," he said, surprised. With her coat unzipped in the warm baggage claim area, her pale pink sweater was exposed. Pinned to her chest, right above her heart, was the glittery compact that allowed her to transform into Sailor Moon.

"Yeah," she acknowledged, raising an eyebrow. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect to see you wearing it. When did you start?" He asked curiously, bringing his hand up to touch the golden compact. Suddenly, his blue eyes darkened and he asked with concern, "Do we have a new enemy?"

Usagi laughed gently and raised herself onto her toes so that she could plant a kiss on Mamoru's cheek.

"No, Mamo-chan. Nothing like that. I've been using my crystal often, but… I think it's best if I explain it all at home."

"Is this the 'exciting' thing you emailed me about?"

She simply grinned and nodded her head. She couldn't wait to share with him the magical object she kept on her bedside table.

"Do I get a hint?" Mamoru asked, his smile growing at the sight of Usagi's mischievous look.

"Sure, but I don't think it will help. It's something that lets me talk to friends from far away."

Usagi didn't miss the way that Mamoru eyes never left her face. Even when her blue eyes were focused on the road in front of their car, she could feel his eyes on her. Every so often, she would look from the corner of her eye and then smile.

"What is it?" She asked, giggling.

"I missed you," he said. "And, I don't know, Usako. You seem… you seem happier."

"You're here," she said. "Of course I'm happier."

Usually, Mamoru would have something to say about the way Usagi sat at the edge of the driver's seat, her chest pressed against the steering wheel. He might comment on her tendency to brake a little too hard, especially when she was talking. But instead, he relished listening to her talk animatedly about having coffee with her friends, cooking with Makoto, and Luna's trip to the mountains.

He gave her a bright smile and reached over, resting a gentle hand on her leg. "It's good to see you so happy," he said, giving her leg a gentle squeeze.

When the couple arrived at home, Usagi didn't waste any time. She rushed quickly to the bedroom, a curious Mamoru in tow. When she looked up, she realized he had stopped in the living room. No doubt, he was surprised that Usagi had put up so many decorations without him. As if on cue, he called out, "Usako, the house looks great!"

"Thank you, Mamo-chan, but come here!"

Usagi tossed her hat onto the bed and looked up at the sound of his bag being dropped on the floor. She looked to Mamoru, her hair now cascading loosely down her back and blue eyes wide and full of excitement. She noticed that Mamoru's eyes, intense and lustful, were focused on her soft, peach lips. She knew that look in his eye, but ignored it.

"Look, Mamo-chan," she urged in a low voice, looking down at the object in her hands.

He furrowed his eyebrows, curiosity taking over him as he stepped closer. "That is _beautiful_," he murmured, reaching out to touch the delicate-looking object. His fingers moved along the holes on the lid of the pot.

"An incense burner?" He asked, looking to his fiancée.

She nodded, her lips curved into a serene smile.

"Where did you get this?"

"It came from Kinmoku."

Usagi could see the cogs turning in Mamoru's mind. His eyes looked far away - searching, searching... until finally, a spark of recognition gleamed in his eyes. Surprised, he asked, "You mean from the Starlights?"

Usagi felt a light warmth spread through her body at the mention of her faraway friends. She nodded quickly, unable to contain the grin on her face. "Yes! Princess Kakyuu used her magic to bring it to me. She turned it into a communication device."

"A communication device?"

She nodded quickly. "Yes! Like… like a mailbox."

Usagi recognized the look in Mamoru's eyes. All hints of lust were gone, and in its place, wonderment. He was intrigued by this magical object.

"How does it work?" He asked, opening his hands, a request to hold the red incense burner. A part of Usagi wanted to keep it all to herself, but she gently placed it into Mamoru's larger, careful hands.

"I can show you," she offered.

She wasn't sure why, but a nervous feeling found its way into her body. She felt herself hesitate, but pushed through it, and sat down at the vanity desk. She could feel Mamoru behind her, his body pressing against her back as he leaned over to set the incense burner near her paper.

_Hello from Usagi-chan and Mamo-chan!_ She wrote quickly.

"And then what do you do?" Mamoru asked as he watched Usagi's unsteady hand open the lid to the burner. "Careful, Usa," he urged as the lid scraped against the pot harder than she meant.

"I know, Mamo-chan," she muttered. She rolled the note up and slipped it into the burner.

Usagi let out a deep, shaky breath and closed her eyes. _Why am I so nervous_, she asked herself, frustrated.

"Usako, are you okay," Mamoru asked, looking at her in the mirror. She looked up, meeting his eyes. Suddenly, she knew.

"I'm nervous," she admitted.

Mamoru's eyes widened. Usagi realized she hadn't admitted these type of feelings to him since before he left for America. She couldn't even remember when she shared her feelings with him before that.

"I need to use my crystal and I'm so nervous I don't know if it will work."

Mamoru knelt down on the ground and gathered her small hands in his. "What is making you feel nervous?"

She looked down, "I usually don't have to think about it. I'm usually alone here. Now that I'm doing it in front of you, I'm worried I might fail."

Mamoru chuckled softly and brought her hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss on her skin. "Usako. You've used this crystal in life or death situations in front of me, in front of others... you can do it, Usa."

"I… I don't know, Mamo-chan." She focused on the warmth of his hands. "But I can try."

Usagi closed her eyes and placed a gentle hand on her compact broach. It took many deep breaths for it to happen, but soon she was able to feel a pulse of energy from the crystal, like a beating heart. Like she'd done in the past, she pictured the energy flowing into the vessel before her, and with a soft smile on her lips, she pictured a planet far away with pastel orange flowers and three moons shining in the sky. She opened her eyes just in time to see a stream of bright, shimmering light evaporate. A stray glimmer landed softly on her nose, causing it to twitch. While the crystal's energy was usually soothing, something about the way the light disappeared reminded her of Chibiusa disappearing in her dream.

The image replayed in her mind, filling her body with dread.

"That smell," Mamoru murmured, closing his eyes and breathing in the scent wafting from the burner. "Can I check it?" He asked.

It took Usagi a moment, but she forced a small smile and nodded her head. "Yes, look," she encouraged.

She was so wrapped up in the visions of last night's dream, that she didn't even feel proud when Mamoru gasped with amazement and said, "It's gone!"

Hours later, Mamoru found himself laying in bed staring at the ceiling, not feeling so refreshed. After making love to Usagi and taking a short nap, he still felt as tired as ever. His mind replayed how distracted his fiancée seemed. He didn't miss her false smiles or the lost, distant look in her eyes when she thought he wasn't looking. When Mamoru had arrived, he was surprised by how happy Usagi was at the airport, but soon, he found the familiar sadness in her that he had hoped would be gone by the time he arrived back in Japan.

"What are you thinking about?" He had asked, his voice slightly hoarse, nose pressing into her neck.

"I'm sorry, Mamo-chan," she murmured softly. He could feel her voice vibrating against his lips. "I had a bad dream last night that I can't shake off."

Mamoru was surprised to hear her admit this. She had nightmares for as long as they lived together, and she never shared a single one with him. He pulled away so that he could look at her face. Her eyes that were trained on the ceiling were now focused on him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked cautiously.

Usagi bit her lip and looked away. "Not really," she said. Quickly, as if a switch had been flipped, her eyebrows raised and she looked at Mamoru with renewed interest.

"Though… it was about Chibiusa-chan," Usagi said slowly. Expectantly. Her eyes were locked on Mamoru's with an intensity he didn't recognize.

Mamoru pictured his sweet future daughter with her round porcelain-pale cheeks, large crimson eyes, and soft pink hair. There was a time when he could hear her childlike but assertive voice in his head, reminding him of the sweet or silly things she used to say, but this time it sounded distant, like a soft echo. As quickly as that image appeared, so did the feeling he got when he checked his grades or sat down for an exam he didn't feel completely prepared for. The pressure of his future - being successful, being a husband, a father, and a _king_ felt like a weight sometimes. It was comforting and motivating at times, but other times, it could be crushing.

"Whatever it was, Usako," he started, "It was just a dream. I'm sure Chibiusa is fine. Her parents are there to protect her." He paused, picturing a regal man in a silk, lavender-colored suit. "_We're_ there to protect her."

Usagi's smile grew suddenly and the brightness that Mamoru missed returned to her cerulean eyes. She quickly climbed on top of him and planted joyful kisses on his lips.

"I'm so happy to hear you say that!" She cried.

With renewed energy, Mamoru was able to keep Usagi in bed for another thirty minutes before she climbed away, naked and smiling.

"I'm going to make you lunch," she announced, pulling on a silky pink robe. "Go clean up while I cook."

"_You're_ going to cook?" He asked skeptically. His mind flashed to the last time Usagi tried to boil an egg. The egg was black, the pot was ruined, and their apartment smelled like smoke for a week.

"_Yes_, I'm going to cook. You'll like it, don't worry. Stop being rude and go take a bath," she shooed him before closing the bedroom door.

To his surprise, he _did_ like it. After soaking in the tub and spending some time texting on his phone, Usagi had treated him to a lunch filled with English flavors. The potato was a little undercooked and the chicken was a bit too dry, but he had to admit that the flavors were delicious. Even though he was hoping for a real Japanese meal, he still appreciated the effort she put into it.

"This is delicious, Usako. Where did you learn how to make this?"

She smiled, "Mako-chan came over and taught me how."

Astonished, her asked her, "Makoto was here?" He had a hard time imagining Usagi inviting people to their home. It was usually him who had to plant the idea of inviting people over for dinner or to watch movies.

She smiled and nodded, "Of course, Mamo-chan. She's my friend."

The day felt so full and it was still early. Hand in hand, they walked to the Crown Arcade where they caught up with Motoki over coffee (Mamoru) and strawberry milk tea (Usagi). As word spread, gradually Mamoru's friends from school and work popped into visit, and soon the bar area was full of people vying for Mamoru's time. He looked to Usagi, who he knew under usual circumstances would be itching to get out of this social atmosphere and hide in the comfort of their home, but when he looked at her, she seemed like she was enjoying it.

He eyed her speaking animatedly to a boy that Mamoru used to tutor _("Wait, you know Tsukino Shingo? I'm his sister!"). _She wasn't sending up flares or smoke signals in the form of begging eyes that she was ready to leave. They had been there for hours, but Usagi seemed comfortable. He would even go as far to say that she seemed like her old self.

Mamoru checked his watch before touching his fiance's shoulder and leaning in, "Call the girls. Let's go out for hot pot."

Soon, the nearest hot pot restaurant found Mamoru, Usagi, Motoki, Shingo, a handful of Mamoru's friends, Ami, Minako, and Rei (unfortunately Makoto was working the dinner shift that night) piling and squeezing into a large booth to share a meal of stewed noodles, meats, and vegetables.

That night when Usagi crawled into bed beside Mamoru, he was comforted by how happy she looked that day. As she curled up to him, he thought back to all of the great conversations and the photos they took with their friends throughout the day. Usagi thought of the same things. The only difference was that as she thought of these things, she looked to the burner and smiled, thinking of the words she would use to describe her wonderful day to Seiya.

Mamoru was in for another surprise when he woke up the next morning. When his eyes opened at 8:00 in the morning, Usagi was still sleeping soundly, her face covered by disheveled locks of blonde hair. He couldn't remember the last time she had slept through the night (he wondered if this was the first time or if this was a frequent occurrence), so to let her sleep, he carefully moved the covers away and tiptoed out of the bedroom.

Deciding to take this quiet time as an opportunity to do homework, he soon found himself sitting on the floor of the living room with his computer on the coffee table, sipping from a cup of warm green tea. Though eventually he heard stirring in the next room - feet padding across the carpet, doors closing, and the sound of the bathtub running - he continued to study.

He loved going to university and thought he understood the material well, but at times he had to admit that he struggled with the English. Coming across a word he was unsure about, he knew he had come across the same concept in Japanese, but couldn't remember the vocabulary. Suddenly, as if a light bulb went off in his brain, he quickly stood up and went to the bookshelf where he had gotten into the habit of keeping old notebooks full of his meticulous notes.

Mamoru crouched in front of the bookcase, not sure exactly what type of book he was looking for at first.

"Ah, there you are," he mumbled to the black soft cover book. As he pulled it out, he noticed another book - a small matte hardcover with a soft pink bunny - fall from the shelf. He couldn't help but smile fondly as he picked it up. This book with its silly little illustration reminded him so much of the sweet girl he fell in love with.

As he reached down to set the outdated agenda back on the shelf, a handful of loose pages fell to the floor. His curiosity piqued by browned edges, he picked them up and turned them over to the front. The paper was tan, thick, and with faint little lines that showed the material it had been made of. He noticed the sweet, earthy fragrance of the paper, and immediately recognized it as the soothing smell that came from the incense burner.

He didn't mean to read it, to invade Usagi's privacy, but his eyes fell over the lines of the ink.

_Odango_, he read, wondering who would call her that.

Mamoru saw the word _boyfriend,_ and at once, became uncomfortable at the intimacy of the words written beneath them.

_I know that I could not replace him in your heart, but I hope that I was able to carve out my own special space, just like you did in mine. _

Mamoru's stomach dropped, but something deep in his chest made him pick up the next letter.

With each letter he pulled out, his heart sank a little bit more.

Mamoru walked quietly through the hallway and stopped at the doorway to his bedroom. Slowly he pushed it open and peeked inside to find Usagi sitting on their bed in a fluffy white towel, leaned over to rub cream onto her legs. She looked up and smiled, seemingly relaxed from her bath. On any other occasion, a scene like this would motivate him to take her to bed.

"Usako," he began, "What is this?"

Usagi paused as her brain tried to catch up with what she was looking at. As the smile fell from her lips, the panic set in, but then she reminded herself, _Seiya is my friend_.

"Letters from the Starlights, Mamo-chan. I told you about the burner."

"Usagi, these aren't just letters from the Starlights. They're letters from Seiya."

Usagi sighed. "Princess Kakyuu doesn't read or write, Mamo-chan. He writes for her."

"Why are you lying to me, Usagi? I read them. There's one letter from Kakyuu. The rest are letters from him."

An unfamiliar feeling pooled in Usagi's stomach. Her face felt hot and her head felt light.

"What are you suggesting, Mamoru?" She asked.

"I'm not suggesting anything, Usagi. I guess I'm asking why you're sending letters to another man while I'm 5,000 miles away at school."

"Seiya's my _friend_, Mamoru. He saved my life, remember? If you think about it, he saved all of us. What are you so worried about, he doesn't even live on the same _planet_ as us." Usagi lowered her voice a bit as she added, "And not that it makes a difference, but now that you say that, I don't even know if Seiya was a man or a woman when they wrote those letters. I never asked."

Mamoru ran his hands through his silky black hair and took a long, deep breath. Though he had only spent less than five minutes with the Starlights, he witnessed the transformation from male student to female sailor senshi before his very eyes.

"Usako…" He closed his eyes. "I know I shouldn't be so worried. Look, Seiya's gender isn't the issue here. It just…"

Usagi eyed Mamoru curiously. Her body, stiff and defensive, wasn't ready to relax. "Just what?"

"He seems so carefree in these letters, and I can tell by his replies that you are too. Some of your writing is on the back. I just-" Mamoru paused to collect his thoughts. "You're so reserved with everyone else, including me. You used to confide in me."

His voice sounded smaller than Usagi had ever heard it, and it felt like a punch to her gut. "Why don't you talk to me anymore, Usagi?"

_The guilt._

"Oh… Mamo-chan, I… I'm sorry," she muttered. "I… I don't know. Seiya - the Starlights - just bring back fond memories. I think about that year so much…" She hesitated, feeling exposed. "The incense burner and the messages from Kinmoku help remind me of the good parts."

"I don't have anything to worry about?" Mamoru asked curiously. He thought back to the first letter. While none of the other letters contained declarations of love or obvious references to a relationship like that one did, the flirtatious nature of Seiya's letters did not go over his head.

"Mamo-chan, of course not. Seiya is billions of light years away - I think, I don't even know where Kinmoku is. And he's my friend. _Just _ my friend."

Mamoru narrowed his eyes. "You know he's in love with you, right?"

_Seiya, please don't say these kinds of things now, especially in front of Mamo-chan._

Usagi looked up, sounding confused. "W-what?"

Mamoru laughed. Usagi wasn't sure if it was at her feigned ignorance or to hide his annoyance until he said, "It's so clear in his letters and in the way he said goodbye."

_I wish I had met you sooner._

Usagi shook her head, "No, Mamo-chan. Our friendship is not like that."

_I love you, Usagi. Truly._

Mamoru lifted an eyebrow. "Don't patronize me, Usagi. His first letter implies that he tried to replace me."

_Can I replace him?_

"He did want to, Mamo-chan, but I said no. That night I was so upset because I missed _you_. I hadn't heard from you in so long and I just needed to talk to someone about it. He knew I had a boyfriend, but he didn't know _you_. He thought you were just some older boy that just stopped talking to me and had moved on to college, Mamo-chan, but I knew better. Please understand... we're just friends. And even if he does like me, it doesn't matter. I have you."

There was something unspoken between them. They both thought of the pink-haired child, holding hands with her loving parents.

Mamoru dropped the book onto the nightstand, right beside the incense burner before he sat down. "I'm sorry, Usako. This long-distance has been hard for me," he admitted. "Honestly, I'm glad you're opening up to someone. You have so much inside of you and sometimes I get scared that it's going to eat you alive."

Usagi didn't know how to respond. Her sadness was an issue that everyone usually tip-toed around. Mamoru added firmly, "I just wish that it were me."

Usagi looked at him through worried eyes. She bit her thumbnail as she looked down at the carpet, feeling ashamed for hurting his feelings and for not being able to open up to him. She wanted to, but she worried so much about it. _What if he doesn't understand? What if he hates Seiya? What if he hates me? Will he blame me for not telling anyone about his disappearance sooner? Will he be upset that I didn't end the fight sooner, and that I was the cause of so many people dying or getting hurt? What if Crystal Tokyo doesn't happen? What if I never have Chibiusa?_

She took in the distraught look on his face and said in a small voice, "I'll try, Mamo-chan. I'll try to open up more."

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Mamoru's neck, leaning down to give him a gentle kiss on the top of his black hair.

He breathed in her scent and leaned into her embrace, but in the back of his mind, he didn't believe her.

Usagi didn't know if she believed herself either.


	8. Chapter 6: Stage On!

Hello, everyone! Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading, following, and commenting on this story! Updates are a little slower than before due to the holiday season, but I assure you that I'm still working on it. :) For those of you celebrating this season, I hope it's been a wonderful one. I'm wishing you all a wonderful new year! -Amethyst

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CHAPTER 6: STAGE ON!

Mamoru's departure back to America felt way more uncomfortable that Usagi would have liked. While they exchanged tender kisses and words of encouragement at the airport, Usagi felt an awkwardness hanging above them like a dark cloud.

Ever since their argument over Seiya's letters, Mamoru seemed to be preoccupied. There were tense silences where Usagi would catch him staring deeply into his coffee, swirling already well-stirred cream with his spoon, and she wondered if that's what she looked like to him when she was lost in her own thoughts.

To make things worse, Usagi had not received a letter from Seiya in almost three weeks. The first one she sent went unanswered for days. She checked her room, waiting for the gentle pulse of Princess Kakyuu's pure magic or the sweet smell of Kinmokuan olives, but it never came.

Concerned with the lack of response, she sent another one asking: _Is everything okay on Kinmoku?_

A few hours later, the smell of olives alerted her to a message waiting for her.

_Hello, Usagi-san. It's so nice to hear from you. Seiya is off-planet. I will make sure he gets your letters, and I'm sure he'll be in touch. I hope you're doing well. How are your …_

Usagi had sighed and set down the letter from Taiki without finishing it.

After a few bites of her sandwich and some time to reflect, she felt guilty for setting the letter aside and followed up that night, updating Taiki on what her solar system's sailor senshi were up to now. Hours later she received a letter, from Yaten this time, asking Usagi to pass on her congratulations to Minako.

_She has so much passion. I know she will be a successful idol!_ Yaten wrote. When Usagi took a picture of the note and sent it to Minako, she immediately got a phone call back.

"Oh, Yaten-kun is so kind! Please tell him that I miss him!" Minako had cried over the phone.

_Minako-san, we're ready for you. _Usagi could hear a man's voice over the chatter in the background.

"I'll talk to you later, Usagi-chan. I have to get back to rehearsal."

As the days went by, Usagi found herself missing Seiya's letters. The smell of olives made her heart jump, but the disappointment of finding letters from everyone _but _Seiya was grating on her. She missed the witty banter, silly questions, and nostalgic stories.

_What a terrible thing to think_, she chided herself. _You should be grateful that you can talk to Healer and Maker. They saved your life too._

And she was grateful, but Usagi noticed she was also _bored._

She attempted to start on a class assignment that was due that week, but her eyes kept wandering to the burner on the bedside table. She took in a deep belly breath, willing it to ground her, but it didn't work. Her eyes fell on a picture of Mamoru on her vanity table. He smiled warmly at the lens, his blue eyes shining with pride. Usagi remembered taking this photo of him at her family's house on the day of her high school graduation.

After staring at it for some time, she turned the picture to look somewhere else in the room.

"You're distracting me, Mamo-chan," she murmured.

After almost an entire hour of painfully wasted time, Usagi abandoned her assignment and flopped herself down onto her bed. She decided she would try something that she used to be great at: taking a nap.

Usagi sighed comfortably as she snuggled into the pillows and closed her eyes, very pleased with her choice. Her mind wandered back to the day of her graduation and how good it felt to hold her certificate in her hand. She could feel herself drifting off to sleep, when suddenly, her phone vibrated loudly against the wooden table beside her bed.

"No no no," she mumbled. She decided to ignore it. Again, the phone buzzed. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Whoever it was was sending her message after message.

She reached over blindly, grabbing until she had her phone and then squinted at the screen.

_12 Unread Messages_

Panic swelled in her stomach, and Usagi immediately propped herself up on her elbows and unlocked her phone. If there was an emergency wouldn't her friends use their communicators? What if it was her family?

Minako's message read: USAGI!

!

TURN ON THE RADIO!

ARE YOU LISTENING?

?!

OMMMGGGG

87.4!

The rest of Minako's messages were various shocked and crying emojis. Before Usagi could message back, a text came through from Rei.

_Did you know about this? _

She raised both eyebrows, her hands trembling slightly as she typed back to Rei, "Know about what? What's happening?" She closed her eyes and swallowed hard-trying to swallow the fear and confusion-before thinking back to Minako's texts.

Radio.

Turn on the radio!

She set her phone down and then crawled to Mamoru's side of the bed where he kept a sleek black radio clock perched on his nightstand. She pressed furiously, the button clicking loudly until she found the numbers she was looking for on the display screen.

_-return to the stage. We are getting phone calls from all over Tokyo! What can you tell these excited fans about your upcoming shows?_

Usagi listened to the overly chipper voice of the radio host, trying to understand what he was talking about. Whatever it was, it didn't sound like a life threatening emergency.

Then she heard it: a voice that she instantly recognized. A silky, boyish voice with a slight feminine edge.

"_Well, I've been working on new music that I can't wait to debut at these concerts!"_

Usagi's breath caught in her throat.

"_And will there be a new album, Seiya-san?"_

"_Absolutely."_

"_Can we expect to hear your brothers, Yaten and Taiki, on any of the new tracks?"_

"_At this time, no. This is a completely solo Kou Seiya record."_

"_And there you have it, ladies! Kou Seiya of The Three Lights is back and preparing for a string of solo concerts and an upcoming solo record. We have just a minute left, Seiya-san. Do you have anything else to say to your fans?"_

"_Well… when the Three Lights went on a hiatus, I left my friends behind here in Tokyo. I made a great friend here. If she's listening, I want her to meet me at the last spot we saw each other._

Immediately, her phone buzzed with two messages.

Minako's read: OMG Is that you?! I wanna go!

Rei came through with: Seiya. Is he talking about you? I want to come with you.

Usagi must have started and deleted about 10 different messages to Rei. Her fingers hovered over the touch screen as her brain tried to think of what to say.

She didn't know.

She decided, however, that she didn't want anyone to come.

She turned off her phone without replying and shoved it into her purse. Without a second thought, she found herself running toward her old high school.

Usagi's stomach did flip-flops as she walked up the steps of Jubaan High School. Thankfully, the doors were still unlocked, most likely for after school activities. As she moved quickly down the hallway, she began to feel as if she still went to school there. Everywhere she looked, she saw the faces of her friends. The images were so vivid that she was sure she could touch them if she were closer. Looking out through the large window, she saw herself on the field playing baseball with Seiya. She could also see the Starlights, bloody and battered from the battle with Chaos. She could see the inner senshi falling to their knees and dying, dissipating into specks of warm light. With those visions also came the feeling of someone walking behind her. Someone tall and imposing, wearing impenetrable armor forged from magic and gold. It sent a shiver down her spine and made her walk just a little bit faster.

This wasn't the first time Galaxia walked with her. Sometimes Usagi wondered if Galaxia and Chaos were _always_ with her. She knew that Chaos wouldn't be dormant forever, and that it lived in everyone. With everyone fighting that internal battle together, Chaos would hopefully be kept at bay, but when she dreamed of terrible things that made her feel cold and frightened, she sometimes wondered if too much Chaos found its way into her own heart. Maybe that woman who walked behind her wasn't a figment caused by residual fear. Maybe it was Chaos making herself known. Embedding herself, intertwining herself with Usagi just as she'd done to Galaxia.

No!

"You're not real," she whispered harshly to the monster behind her.

Maybe coming here was a bad idea.

The vision was stubborn, but as Usagi reached the staircase that led to the roof, Chaos and Galaxia vanished.

When she reached the top of the steps and pushed her way through a heavy door , she wasn't sure if she was still seeing things that weren't there.

Like a dream, a man stood near the edge of the roof, looking over the school grounds. He was taller than her, slender, and dressed casually in a pair of dark jeans and a black leather jacket. His hair was long, down his back and gathered into a low ponytail. When Usagi stepped closer, she could see that the green fields and brick buildings he looked over were draped in the colors of the orange and red sunset.

The feelings in her body rolled and crashed into each other wildly. She didn't know exactly _what_ she was feeling.

"Hey!" She yelled out, surprising event herself. "I had to hear about you on the radio? Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" She folded her arms and gave the man an irritated look.

When Seiya turned, she felt the excitement buzzing through her body. The orange glow of the sunset fell over his face, making his playful blue eyes look ethereal. He wore a smirk on his lips that made her heart flutter, and she was instantly reminded _why _Kou Seiya was such a popular idol.

"I thought it would be fun to surprise you, Odango."

Usagi watched his eyes as he looked her over. She wondered how different she looked to him. She knew she was thinner than she used to be. Her long, blonde hair flowed freely down her back. Suddenly she wished she had taken the time to run a brush through her hair or change into something nicer before she left the house.

_It's just Seiya though_. Even though she thought it, it didn't feel true. After all, this is the first time she has seen her friend in two years.

He stepped closer to her, his eyes never leaving her. She felt a small blush on her cheeks, feeling shy underneath his gaze, but she didn't want to look away. What if this wasn't real? What if he disappeared?

"I missed you," he said with a soft smile. Usagi couldn't stop herself from running forward and wrapping her arms around her dear friend in a tight hug. She could smell the scent of leather tinged with something soft and floral. The sweetness of Kinmoku.

"I missed you too, Seiya-kun," she murmured. Stepping back, she looked at him carefully and asked, "Is it just you?"

Usagi noticed a flash of something that wasn't there before-something serious, but then his face softened and he said with a playful smile, "Yeah, looks like I'm doing a solo tour."

"You're seriously going to do the idol thing again? Do you really need attention _that_ much?"

Seiya laughed heartily and pulled Usagi in for another tight hug. Her body tensed when she felt his long, slender fingers in her hair. She hadn't been prepared for such an intimate touch.

"What happened to your odangos?" Seiya asked curiously.

Usagi stepped back, far enough away that Seiya had to drop his hand to his side. She reached up to touch her own hair and shrugged, smiling wryly. "I was in bed when I heard your interview. I didn't think I had time to do my hair."

Seiya let out a soft laugh. "I see. So you still wear them?"

She nodded, "Yeah, of course."

"I'm glad, Odango," he said with a renewed smile. "Well, speaking of odangos... have you eaten yet?"

Usagi shook her head.

"Good, 'cause I'm starving. Let's grab something to eat."

Usagi raised a playful eyebrow and asked, "Oh? Who's paying?"

"All that idol money is just sitting in the bank. It's on me tonight."

"Great! Besides, I have a feeling the others are on their way here. I'd like to have you to myself for just a bit longer," Usagi said, looking over the edge of the roof. She wasn't sure how she meant to say it, but she saw the way Seiya's smile softened at her statement.

"Come on," He began, sliding a pair of mirrored sunglasses onto his face. "I have a car waiting downstairs."

"Oh, fancy," Usagi murmured, following in tow. She paused a moment to take it all in. The black car was so shiny she could see herself reflected on it.

"After you," Seiya offered, opening the door.

She wasn't sure if she expected to see Rei running down the street or hear the sound of Haruka's motorcycle, but she was happy that no one seemed to be paying any attention to them. Seiya shut the door and nodded to the driver who had been watching them in the mirror. Moments later, the sleek black car began to roll away.

Usagi thumbed a small hole on the knee of her jeans and hoped that she wasn't too under-dressed for wherever they were going.

"Is it far?" She asked curiously.

"No, we're almost there."

Within minutes, the driver was at their door, opening it and offering a hand for the young woman to take.

"Thank you," she said gratefully. She looked up at the restaurant, and then narrowed her eyes and folded her arms.

"You're really showing off that idol money," she said, looking up at the sign that read PIZZA.

"I never said it was going to be fancy," Seiya said with a laugh. When he took Usagi's hand, she felt a warmth in her face, and she hoped she wasn't blushing again.

Seiya flashed her another carefree smile as he pulled her inside, "I haven't had pizza in two years and I'm craving it!"

Usagi found herself to be relieved and very happy to share a large, extra cheesy pepperoni pizza with Seiya. As she ate and wiped gooey cheese from her chin, the pair talked about their letters, the burner, their planets, and their friends. When Seiya asked about Mamoru's visit, Usagi gave him a _very_ brief summary, excluding anything about the letters or how awkward they left things.

Just as Usagi mused to herself about how easy their conversation was, she looked up from her bite of pizza to see Seiya staring pensively at her.

She raised an eyebrow and asked, "What is it?"

"I don't know."

Usagi's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What do you mean you don't know? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Seiya hesitated, his lips moving slowly as he spoke, "Something just seems... off about you."

"W-what?" Usagi stuttered. "Excuse me?"

"Wow, that sounded bad," Seiya said quickly. "I just mean to say that you seem different."

He took Usagi's silence as an invitation to continue.

"You're really reserved, I guess. I think it's just something I have to get used to." She could see the unfinished part of his sentence in eyes. _But I don't want to get used to it._

She opened her mouth as if to say something but found that nothing would come out. Suddenly she felt exposed. She wasn't used to people calling out the difference in her.

After some time to think, she finally muttered, "If I'm different, Seiya, maybe it's because I grew up."

"I don't think that's it, Usagi-chan. But whatever it is, I'm sorry. I can see that I'm making you uncomfortable."

Usagi bit her lip as she stared down into her plate. She felt like he was being too blunt.

"We're going to get to the bottom of this," he said suddenly. "Come on, Odango." Seiya stood up and quickly slid his jacket onto his shoulders.

"What? Where are we going?" She asked quietly.

"We're going to a place that will take care of all of your troubles."

A ten-minute car ride later, Usagi found herself standing in front of a velvet rope. Behind the velvet rope stood an exhausted-looking woman wearing a neon green polo shirt, a matching green baseball cap, and black slacks. She held a rubber stamp in her hand and held a look of confusion on her face.

"Sir…" The woman began hesitantly, giving Usagi and Seiya once over, "Do you have children with you?"

The sounds of children screaming and yelling as they jumped on giant indoor trampolines, went down slides, and played arcade games spilled into the lobby of the Jumping Beans Indoor Playhouse.

"This place is for _kids_, Seiya!" Usagi rushed out under her breath, slightly embarrassed.

"And kids are happy, right?" Seiya retorted quickly. He looked at the woman and smiled wide, taking his sunglasses off and hooking them to the collar of his red t-shirt. Usagi wasn't sure how he got his teeth to be so white or how he was able to make his eyes twinkle like that.

"Oh… Oh my!" The woman brought her hands to her lips as she began to giggle. "You're Kou Seiya!"

"Yes. Yes, I am," he said smoothly, reaching forward to take her hand. The woman gasped and gripped the idol's hand tightly. "I saw you and The Three Lights at your farewell concert! It was _the best_ concert I've ever been to. I've never felt so much energy and passion."

"Thank you so much. Your support means everything to me," Seiya said, gently pulling his hand away.

"If you need anything at all while you're here-and I mean _anything_-please let me know," she said, unhooking the velvet rope and then waving to the pair once they were through.

Seiya looked at Usagi and winked. "Still got it," he said.

Usagi rolled her eyes at her superstar friend. "You are incorrigible," she muttered.

Before she could say another word, her eyes fell on the extremely large trampoline surrounded by pits full of large foam blocks. Children were jumping off the ledge and diving in, screaming with joy and laughter.

" Ohhh, _sugoi!_ Let's do that," she yelled, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the trampoline.

For the next hour, the pair jumped until they felt sick, climbed through the plastic tunnels full of small children, and screamed loudly as they went down long, looping slides.

As they sat on a child-sized train that moved around a small track, they enjoyed vanilla milkshakes and ignored the judgemental looks from parents who stood outside the ride, watching closely as their children giggled and smiled in the train cars.

"I don't think I've had this much fun _ever_," Usagi said, laughing. She felt a little nauseated after drinking that milkshake and her face actually hurt from smiling so much, but she felt light and free, just like the little kids running around her.

"Are you still sad?" Seiya asked her.

Usagi froze with wide eyes, unsure of how to answer that question. She hadn't felt sad at the pizza parlor, but Seiya had recognized something inside of her. It was something that everyone else got used to seeing in her. Something everyone else was too scared to point out.

She searched inside of herself, asking herself, "_Am I sad?_"

Smiling softly she said honestly, "Less than I was before."

Later that evening, a shining black car stopped in front of Usagi's apartment building.

"Can I walk you up?" Seiya asked. The door clicked as the driver opened it, standing by to help the young woman step out.

Usagi smiled and shook her head. "No thanks, Seiya."

He nodded and reached out to touch her arm. She could feel calluses on his fingertips, and she wondered if they were just from guitar strings, or if fighting battles as Sailor Star Fighter had helped formed them.

"Thank you for hanging out with me today, Usagi. I'm so happy I got to see you."

Usagi smiled brightly. "I'm happy I got to see you too."

"Can I call you tomorrow?"

"You have my number now. You can call me anytime, Seiya-kun."

"And Odango?" She paused, waiting for him to finish. "If you ever want to talk about the stuff that's bothering you, you can call me too."

She nodded quickly before taking the driver's waiting hand, letting him help her out of the expensive car.

"Goodnight, Miss," the driver said curtly before returning to his own seat.

Usagi gave the car a wave as it drove off, the bright city lights reflected in its paint. When she turned to walk inside, she stopped.

Looking back at her were the violet eyes of Hino Rei.

"Are you coming upstairs?" Usagi asked. She wasn't prepared to get into an argument with Rei, not after having such a nice day.

"I don't have a lot of time. I've been waiting here awhile," Rei admitted softly.

There was an uncomfortable silence between them, but finally Usagi spoke.

"I was just spending time with a friend that I haven't seen in a really long time, Rei. Please don't make a big deal out of this."

Rei nodded, her dark hair falling into her face. "Yes, Usagi. I know. I just… do you promise you didn't know he was coming?

"I promise, Rei-chan. I found out after you did. I wouldn't keep something like that from you and the others. You know that, don't you?"

"I know, Usagi-chan. I just had to be sure." With a sigh, Rei added, "I really do have to go now. Can we get together soon? I'd like to hear all about your visit with Seiya."

Usagi smiled happily. "I'd love to. Send me a text when you can. Maybe we can do something tomorrow."

Rei nodded and smiled, her body more visibly relaxed now. "Goodnight, Usagi-chan."

"Goodnight, Rei-chan," Usagi said, turning to open the door to her complex. Suddenly, a thought came to her.

"Rei-chan?" The dark-haired girl turned quickly, her purple eyes on Usagi.

"That night when I told you about Mamo-chan not responding to my letters. The night it was raining?"

"Yes, I remember."

"What you overheard between Seiya and I… that's still between us, right? No one else knows?"

"Of course, Usagi-chan. Bringing that up would just cause trouble." Suddenly, Rei stepped closer. Her eyes were so focused that Usagi feared for a moment that she could see into her soul.

"Don't forget who you are and who you will be," she said firmly. "Don't let anyone distract you from your future."

"I know who I am, Rei." There was a pause before she added, "And I know who I'm supposed to be. How could I forget?"

Their gaze was interrupted by the ringing of Rei's phone.

"I really have to go now," she said, apologetic. "But please, Usagi-chan. Remember what I said."

Usagi watched Rei walk away, her glossy black hair reminding her of the car she had been in earlier.

Turning to go upstairs to her apartment, she realized that she felt annoyed.

_Why is Rei assuming that Seiya is here to distract me? _

_What makes her think that he even feels the way he did two years ago? _

_Why does she think I don't know what my responsibilities are?_

_Does she think I would hurt Mamo-chan?_

Beyond the annoyance, there was a feeling she recognized, but didn't want to acknowledge. Bitterness. Resentment. There was a question she had asked herself many times over the past two years. A question that filled her with guilt and shame.

If it's _my_ future, why don't I have any say in it?

She would continue to reflect on that question as she showered, put out food for Luna, and crawled into bed. As she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep, she thought of a man in a silky lavender suit, and in his arms, a small child with pink hair.


	9. Chapter 7: Incognito

CHAPTER 7: INCOGNITO

On a cloudy morning, Usagi could be found sitting at a table in the park with an open book and her pink, sticker-covered laptop. Just beyond the field of green grass and the brightly-colored playground were busy roads with honking cars and buildings that reached toward the sky. Despite the closeness of the bustling of the city, Usagi still felt like the park was a calm soothing place for her to be.

As soft music played through her ear buds - a calming, jazzy mix put together by Mamoru (which normally she wasn't into, honestly, but it was nice to study with) - she looked up, noticing the dark grey clouds in the distance slowly trudging their way across the sky. She knew she wouldn't be able to enjoy the park for much longer. Nevertheless, she looked back to her computer and began to type away at her assignment, stopping every so often to look at her text book for highlighted words.

She gasped loudly when she felt the metal table suddenly shake. Quickly, she pulled out her ear buds and looked up to see Kou Seiya standing across from her, rustling through an open plastic bag he had just set on the table. Wearing sunglasses, a baseball cap, tight black pants that hugged his legs, and a large white sweatshirt, the pop idol was pulling a wrapped sandwich from the bag.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. I got you a sandwich, chips, and tea," Seiya explained.

"Thank you. How much was it? I'll pay you back," she said, opening the zipper of her backpack as he set her food down in front of her.

"Don't you dare," Seiya said as he began to unwrap his own sandwich. Taking an extra large bite, he chewed a bit before asking through a mouthful of food, "What are you doing?"

Usagi watched him fascination. "You're a savage, Seiya."

"You're one to talk. Do you know what you look like when you eat?"

The young woman chucked a highlighter across the table, hitting him in the chest. Glaring at him over the top of the computer, she murmured, "You've been gone for so long I forgot how annoying you are."

Unscathed by her actions and her words, Seiya went in for another bite and then took a gulp of his drink. "You started it. But seriously, you look so smart here with your book. What are you working on?"

"Just an assignment for school." She turned the laptop to face her friend. "I have to come up with outside activities for six-year-olds."

"Huh." Seiya leaned in to take a look at what she had been writing. "You said you're going to college to be a teacher, right?"

Usagi thought about this for a moment before she shrugged. Sometimes she felt silly talking about these things out loud with other senshi. After all, she was destined to become the queen of an entire solar system. What space queen would have a career? Wasn't this all a waste of her time?

"I know I want to work with children, but I don't know exactly what _kind_ of work I want to do."

"Hm. I can imagine you being a teacher, Odango. You're very sensitive and kind."

Usagi smiled.

"_And_ you're really immature, so I think the kids will get along really well with you," he added.

"I'm kidding!" Seiya laughed, dodging a flying pencil and almost knocking his drink over. He quickly reached out to steady the teetering cup as Usagi laughed loudly across from him.

"I'm really just teasing, Odango. It's still blowing my mind to see how grown up you are now. I really do think you'd be a great teacher."

Another smile spread across her pink lips. "Thank you, Seiya-kun."

Before Usagi could say anything else, she felt a small plop of water on her nose. Touching it gently, she looked up at the sky to see that the dark clouds had loomed even closer.

"Uh oh, I think it's time to move inside. Should we find a coffee shop?"

Seiya peeked over the top of his sunglasses and held a hand up, turning his palm toward the sky as he felt for drops of drizzling rain. "Yeah, I think you're right." He took a moment to look around, his blue eyes searched the landscape of the surrounding buildings. "This place looks really familiar," he mused. "Do you live around here?"

"Yeah, just two blocks that way. We passed by this park when you dropped me off."

"Oh, well that's easy then! We can just hang out at your place. As much as I love running into fans, it would be nice to have just one day of privacy."

Usagi's face fell at Seiya's suggestion. She felt bad that the idea made her so uncomfortable.

"I don't know, Seiya-kun," Usagi murmured.

"What's wrong?"

Usagi lowered her voice, whispering, "I am engaged and my fiance is out of the country… if someone saw a famous man coming into my apartment, they might get the wrong idea."

Seiya looked disappointed as he thought about this. "You're right. And I don't think it would be much better if you came to my place," he said quietly. As a pensive silence fell on the pair, Usagi tried her best to think of options. It would be easy to find a place to spend time with Seiya, but not without the distraction of excited fans and curious onlookers. She sighed and closed her eyes, noticing the drop in temperature as a cold breeze brushed against her cheeks.

"Oh!" Seiya gasped suddenly, pulling his companion from her thoughts. He looked at Usagi with renewed hope. "I have an idea!"

"I can come…" He lowered his voice and leaned in, whispering the next word with great drama. "Incognito."

Usagi raised a _very _skeptical eyebrow. "I don't know, Seiya-kun," she murmured.

"No, it'll be great, Odango! I _promise_! It will be the best disguise. There's no way anyone will see through it."

Usagi thought about this. Seiya _did_ have a lot of experience being an idol - he probably did know how to disguise himself well.

"Okay, we can try it," she said hesitantly. "But if it's not a good disguise I won't let you in."

Seiya laughed as he stood and gathered his mostly-eaten sandwich and trash. "Don't worry, it'll be really good. I'm going to go home and change. Text me your address and I'll meet you there."

Just as the drops of rain became fatter and fell more heavily from the sky, Usagi reached the door to her apartment building. "Thanks!" She called out to the man who held it open for her before running up the stairs with loud, clumsy steps. Without wasting any time, Usagi began tidying up her space. She straightened soft throw pillows, gathered clothes from the back of the couch and tossed them into a pile on her bedroom floor, and quickly passed the vacuum along the white carpet.

"Usagi-chan," Luna called out tiredly, slinking out from underneath the blankets on Usagi's bed. "You're in a hurry. Company?"

"Seiya is coming over. I bet he'll be really happy to see you." Usagi glanced at the messy pile of clothes on the floor before she closed the door to her bedroom, concealing the mess.

"Oh," Luna gasped out, a smile on her feline lips and a twinkle in her large round eyes. "I'd love to see him!" Suddenly, her smile faltered and she gave a hesitant look toward the front door.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Luna asked gently. Her tone was worried. Motherly.

At Usagi's surprised look, Luna added quickly, "Just that the neighbors might notice him coming here and think-"

Usagi waved her hand and cut her off, "Don't worry, we thought about that. Seiya promised that he has a really good disguise."

Excitement bubbled within Usagi when she heard a knock - confident, musical - on the door to her apartment. She wasn't sure what she was expecting. A fake mustache? A cheap blonde wig? A mailman costume, perhaps? What she found when she opened the door was completely unexpected, but made so much sense.

Kou Seiya stood in front of her, but not like he was when she saw him earlier that day.

While Seiya wore the same black jeans that clung to his thighs, he now wore a form-fitting v-neck white shirt. It wasn't the outfit that that made her look twice, however. It was breasts, small and natural, that added soft curves to the shirt, and the bit of cleavage that peeked from the point of the neckline. The longer that Usagi stared - jaw hanging open, eyes scanning wildly - the more differences she noticed. Seiya's jawline was now more slender and delicate, and her curly, blue-black hair hung down her back, no longer contained by a hair-tie.

Usagi blinked a few times to bring herself back to earth.

"S-Seiya." She stuttered out. Her eyes were still as wide as dinner plates and she knew there was nothing inconspicuous about the way she looked up and down the woman's body.

Seiya pushed her sunglasses down her nose and smirked at the confused blonde. Usagi noticed that she took time to sweep jet black eyeliner on her waterline, intensifying the blueness of her almond-shaped eyes. "Are you gonna let me in or what, Odango?"

"Y-yeah," Usagi murmured, stepping aside. As Seiya walked into her house, she couldn't help but notice that her bottom looked more round and full in those clingy black jeans.

"Seiya!" Luna called out, rushing to the door to greet their visitor. With a large smile, Seiya knelt down and began to stroke the soft black fur on the top of Luna's head. "It's so good to see you, Luna!" Usagi noticed how much softer and more feminine the woman's voice was. "Yaten sends her love to you."

Usagi had been so focused on Seiya's appearance that she didn't notice the wooden guitar strapped to the woman's back, nor the leather-bound notebook in her hand until she set them on the floor.

"I hope you don't mind," Seiya piped as she leaned the lacquered guitar against the couch. "I thought I'd do some writing while you finish your homework."

As Usagi clacked away on the computer's keyboard and munched on the last bites of her sandwich, she listened to Seiya and Luna enjoy each other's company. Seiya updated the feline on the lives of the other Lights, the restoration of Kinomoku, and what she had been doing to pass the time on her planet. At the mention of Seiya's music, Luna spoke with excitement, "I'd love to hear it some time!"

Seiya was happy to oblige, and soon the musician's graceful fingers were expertly sliding across the strings of the guitar that now sat in her lap. Usagi watched with awe, intrigued by the gentle melody and fragmented lyrics.

When she stopped singing, she still continued to stroke the strings gently. "It's not done yet. I'm working on it," she said with a low voice. Though she tried her best to keep her eyes on her homework assignment, Usagi couldn't help but look up when she heard the shyness in Seiya's voice. It surprised her for a moment that Seiya - who she saw as strong and defiant, could also have moments of vulnerability. But then again, she knew that didn't she? Instantly, her mind flashed to the two of them on the roof in the rain, Seiya professing his love as she cried for Mamoru.

Suddenly, Luna looked over at the clock and gasped. "Oh my, is that the time?"

"Forget something, Luna?" Seiya asked with concern.

"Yes, but nothing too serious," she said as she stood up and stretched her body. "Artemis and I promised Ami-chan that we'd help her with some Silver Millenium history today."

Usagi raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Ami-chan wants to create a historical archive of our solar system. I think between the two of us Artemis can recount some of the major people and events. It will be good for you girls to learn more about where you come from."

Seiya raised a curious black eyebrow. "What's the Silver Millenium?"

"It's a long, complicated story," she said quickly, sweeping the issue away. The idea of explaining her role in that history seemed daunting and unpleasant. Another reminder that her future was not entirely in her hands. "Well, have fun, Luna. Can't wait to see it when it's done!"

Later, after Luna had left and the only sounds in the apartment were the light clicks of computer keys and gentle strums of guitar strings, Usagi closed her laptop and declared loudly, "All done!" After putting text books and note books back into her backpack, she looked up to see that Seiya had set her guitar down and was now walking around the living room. She looked carefully at the items and decorations peppered around the living room, flexing and stretching her hands as she moved.

"Where do you keep it?" She asked suddenly. Her dark eyes were searching the living room for something familiar.

"The burner?" Usagi asked. At Seiya's nod, she looked toward the hall. "It's in my room." There was a pause as Usagi considered her next move. Would Mamoru like Seiya being in their room? While part of her argued, _Seiya's a woman! It's not any different than Rei-chan or Ami-chan being here_, she knew that it wasn't true. This beautiful woman with her curves and sultry eyes was still the Seiya who wrote that letter that angered Mamoru so much.

But it was the look in Seiya's eyes that helped her make the decision. Her eyes, deep and blue, were tinged with sadness and longing. They were like windows to her heart, and Usagi could clearly see what she needed. Seiya wasn't looking for the burner out of curiosity. She needed to see it. She was yearning for it.

It must feel so lonely to be so far away from home.

"Wait just a second, okay?" She asked, suddenly nervous for different reasons as she remembered the pile of clothes on the floor. Seiya smiled, a glimmer of hope in her eyes, as Usagi quickly ducked into her bedroom and closed the door behind her. Quickly, she threw the pile of clothes into her closet and pushed the door closed.

"Okay! You can come in now," she called out.

The door opened slowly, and Seiya poked her head inside.

"Over here," Usagi said, beckoning the Starlight closer.

As Seiya crossed the room to join her friend near the bed, Usagi picked up the elegant-looking burner from the table and held it out. With a soft smile and a far away, nostalgic look in her eyes, Seiya carefully took the delicate object with both hands. Usagi didn't miss the way that her friend's eyes lit up with joy, or how she breathed such a big, full sigh, that her entire body seemed to relax.

"I'm so glad we were able to give this to you," she said softly. "This holds so many memories for us."

"I feel so honored to have it," Usagi whispered.

"We would sing to our princess, hoping that wherever she was, she could hear our voices calling out to her. But there were days when we felt so defeated… we were sure that we wouldn't see her again. But when we saw Chibi-Chibi with this, it renewed our faith and our hope."

When Seiya closed her eyes, Usagi noticed how long and thick her dark lashes were as they lay stark against her skin. Bringing the burner to her lips with careful hands, she pressed a gentle kiss to it.

"Do you miss Kinmoku?" Usagi asked gently.

Tears brimmed at the bottom of the alien's eyes as she gave a short nod. "Yes. Everyday. But I love it here too." She set the burner down on the bedside table and looked up, her eyes taking in the rest of the room. Her lips were tight as her gaze moved over the trinkets and photos. They lingered for a moment on Usagi and Mamoru's engagement photo.

She closed her eyes for a long, heavy moment, and then opened them to look somewhere else. Usagi could see the apprehension and the hurt.

Maybe Seiya _did_ still feel the same.

Crouching down, Seiya picked up a case that had been haphazardly set down on the bottom shelf. As Usagi watched her, a question teased the tip of her tongue. It was something she had wondered since she first laid eyes on the alien as he watched the sun set from the top of Jubaan High School. A question that her friends had asked her several times since the news of Seiya's return.

"Why did you come back?"

Without bothering to look up at Usagi, she answered without missing a beat. "Because I missed Earth, Usagi. You know that."

Her answer seemed so flippant. Finally, she looked up with a wide, enthusiastic grin and held up the slim video game case. "Mortal Kombat?"

It was odd to see the Starlight's demeanor change so suddenly. Usagi was beginning to understand what it looked like from the outside when someone was trying to hide their feelings. Beyond the exaggerated smile, she could see the sadness in Seiya's eyes. Usagi knew too well what it was like to need a distraction. To be so overwhelmed by the storm raging inside.

So she dropped it.

_She'll talk to me when she's ready, _she told herself. She wondered how many times Mamoru had told himself the same thing about her.

As Seiya took her time choosing a character from the menu, Usagi took this opportunity to look her over. Her skin had a gently sun-kissed tan with a smooth, silky complexion. The blonde found herself just a bit envious over how flawless her skin was. Her black hair gleamed blue in the sunlight, and as Usagi's eyes followed its length, she admired its dramatic waves and the way it curled at the ends.

"Odango," Seiya said flatly, turning to look her in the eye.

"Y-yes?"She asked, a soft blush spreading across her nose and cheeks.

"You're still staring."

"O-oh. Gomen, Seiya-kun. Seiya-chan. I, oh." Usagi took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I don't know what to call you."

Seiya laughed a deep, hearty laugh that made Usagi blush a deeper shade of red. "You're so cute, Odango. Seiya-kun is fine."

Usagi's blush deepened. She felt anxiety at the back of her throat, but she decided to be brave and keep voicing her foolish thoughts. She hoped she wouldn't say the wrong thing.

"Are you a woman often on your planet?"

Seiya nodded, "Yes, but it's usually because I'm often transformed there."

"Can I ask you something really personal?" She was a little embarrassed at how quiet and meek her voice sounded. She took a deep, calming breath.

"You can ask me anything, Usagi-chan." Seiya's voice was gentle and encouraging.

"What do you like best? Being a man or a woman?"

Seiya's eyes were locked on Usagi's as they paused, taking time to think of how to answer.

"When I came to earth and had to live as Kou Seiya, it was the first time in my life that I felt like I was who I was supposed to be."

"So… does that mean that you're a boy?"

Seiya smiled. "I'd like to be all time, but I also love being Fighter. She's a part of me. I could never stop being a sailor guardian, no matter what planet I live on." His smile faltered a bit. "I don't think Yaten understands that yet. She thinks I'm rejecting myself and the Starlights. She thinks I'm changing myself to please others, but it's not like that."

"I'm sorry. Do you think Yaten will understand someday?" Usagi asked gently.

Seiya grinned, "Yeah, she's stubborn, but after serving the princess together for so long, we became a family. And Taiki understands. I'm sure she'll talk some sense into her."

"So… what do I call you?"

Seiya laughed and reached for Usagi's soft, slender hand. She looked down and noticed how Seiya's feminine hands were still larger than her own. His fingers still had patches of rough calluses on the tips from playing the guitar.

"You can call me what you've always called me, Odango."

"Are you _he_ even when you have…" She motioned to her own breasts, causing Seiya to laugh even harder. "Yes, I'm still the same Seiya-kun, even when I have them."

After sharing their playful laugh, Usagi gripped Seiya's hand and gave it a firm, reassuring squeeze. "It doesn't look great for my neighbors to see a man walking inside my apartment, but I'm okay with you being a man here. I want you to be comfortable and be who you feel like you should be."

Seiya's smile was suddenly so wide, and his warm eyes were brimming with tears. _He's so pretty_, Usagi thought. Leaning in, Seiya gathered his friend into a tender hug and whispered gratefully, "Thank you for understanding, Odango." They held each other for some time before Seiya drew back.

"Do you mind if we play a round before I change?" He asked, motioning to the waiting screen.

"Sure," Usagi said with a smile. As Seiya finally made his character selection and moved on to choose a battle arena, she asked quietly, "Seiya-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell me your skincare routine?"

Seiya's laugh was loud and warm.

"Of course, Odango."

"And what hair products you use," she added seriously. "And maybe your workout routine."

"I'll share everything with you," Seiya said. When Usagi looked into his eyes, she knew that this was true.


	10. Chapter 8: Time Delay

Sorry, it's a short one! ;) Thanks for reading and following! You all are the best. -Amethyst

* * *

CHAPTER 8: TIME DELAY

Across an ocean from his homeland, Mamoru Chiba sat at a small, round table in the well-lit library of his prestigious university. Moments from a bay and a little further from the ocean, he felt lucky that he could do his medical studies in this coastal town. But sometimes, as he thought of a younger woman with bright blonde hair and crystalline blue eyes, he felt lonely. He missed his fiancé, Usagi, who no doubt was at home avoiding her friends and burying herself in her studies. He missed his best friend, Motoki, and their long conversations at the Crown Arcade Bar over cups of steaming black coffee. He also missed his other friends-the family that he had gained over the past few years in Luna, Artemis, and the sailor guardians that he fought side-by-side with.

However, even though it made him feel incredibly guilty at times, he was relieved and grateful that he could _finally_ do something for himself. He didn't have to worry about finding a mysterious crystal, saving the Earth from evil beings, or protecting an innocent princess… all he had to do was study the topic he loved, earn good grades, and earn his next degree. When he thought of his future, he thought of the people he could care for. Sometimes the image of the older Mamoru in a lavender suit invaded his mind. That man would ask him in a smooth, almost teasing voice, "What are you doing all this for? It's not going to matter." He pushed that man, his wife, and the image of a pink-haired little girl away.

"Mamoru, what did you get for number four?"

Looking up from his paper which he realized he hadn't been reading, he was brought back to reality. Sharing his table were the three others that made up his study group. This group of medical students had become casual friends after bonding over something they had in common: they were foreigners in this large country. The student who had startled Mamoru from his thoughts, Sunita, was a beautiful woman with caramel-colored skin and midnight black hair that flowed down her back. Mamoru liked the way she made large, graceful gestures with her hands as she talked, and the way her accent sounded when she spoke English.

"Earth to Mamoru," she joked, smiling.

"Oh, I," he looked down at his practice test, "_Bronchiectasis_."

"That's what I got too," piped Leo, a man from Finland with golden hair and soft blue eyes. His hair was drawn back tight into a knot behind his head, and when Mamoru took time to look over his features, he could understand why girls at the next table wouldn't stop looking at him.

Sunita nodded before looking down at her text-book, presumably to check on her own answer. The group fell into a lull again, when suddenly, the fourth person at the table-a woman whose attention had been focused on the screen of her laptop—gasped and cried out in Japanese, "_Sugooiii_!"

"Ayumi, are you okay?" Leo asked seriously.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Ayumi said, a soft patch of red tinting her cheeks. Ayumi was a small, petite woman with honey-colored eyes, chestnut-brown hair, and blunt bangs cut just above her eyes. She peered at her study group through the thick mint green glasses that today matched the mint green corduroy jeans she wore. "It's nothing, I'm just being immature."

Sunita raised a curious eyebrow. "Well now I have to know."

"This is going to sound _so_ childish," she murmured.

"We all witnessed Leo win at Star Trek trivia," Sunita laughed, "I think it's okay."

"Well… okay, don't judge me. There's this band at home called _The Three Lights_. My friends and I were obsessed with them," she gushed.

Something rang inside of Mamoru's brain like a bell.

"That's the group with Seiya Kou?" He asked.

Ayumi's jaw dropped and her eyes lit up with excitement. "You know who I'm talking about?"

Mamoru gave a wry smile. "Yeah, I— I've never listened to them, but my fiancé went to high school with them, and they were kind of a big deal I guess."

"Wait, what? Hold up. Your fiance went to school with the Three Lights? Did you ever meet them?"

Mamoru suddenly felt uncomfortable. "Only once."

"Oh my god, that is cool, Mamoru! I was just reading that Kou Seiya announced a new solo project! I know it's immature, but I am so excited!"

Ayumi's excitement was greeted with smiles and friendly laughter from everyone except Mamoru. The dark-haired man cocked his head, his eyes narrowing as he tried to process what Ayumi was telling him.

"Seiya is in Tokyo?"

Ayumi nodded her head slowly, giving Mamoru an odd look. "I-I guess so. I don't know where else he'd be." She paused, and then added with a playful (and hopeful) wink, "Hey, if your fiancé is still friends with him, you should ask her for the details!"

"I'll have to ask her about it." He answered shortly, his eyes looking down at the notebook in front of him. "I have to go soon, can we focus for a bit?"

"Yeah, I have to be at work in an hour," Leo added.

"Oh, of course," Ayumi murmured, her smile fading quickly as she looked to the notes on her laptop. Mamoru suddenly felt guilty for taking the wind out of her sails.

"I think that's really cool, Ayumi. If I hear anything about Seiya, I'll let you know," he said gently.

Ayumi nodded, giving Mamoru a small smile.

It didn't help him feel any better.

Later that afternoon, when Mamoru found himself entering his on-campus apartment, he was still going over what he learned from Ayumi. _I got an email from Usagi this morning_, he mused. _Why didn't she tell me this?_

Once again, he thought about the tan letters he found hidden in her agenda.

He closed the door to his bedroom, so not to be disturbed by the other student sharing the apartment, and went to his computer. It didn't take long for a Google search to confirm what he already suspected:

The announcement that Ayumi read was a little old, and Kou Seiya had been active in Tokyo for over a week now.

He clicked through articles, skimming the words detailing announcements of concerts, new music, and appearances for anything of interest. As he scrolled past pictures of the man, some candid and some perfectly posed, Mamoru felt anxiety-no, annoyance-building in his chest. He pursed his lips and tapped his left hand against the wooden desk, wondering why his fiancé wouldn't think to tell him about this. _Did she think I wouldn't find out?_ He asked himself, baffled._ She used to tell me everything._

Wrapped up in his inner thoughts, he almost missed it.

He scrolled back up to re-read a headline.

**Pop Star Kou Seiya Sends Message to Mystery Girl During Radio Interview - Click Here to Listen!**

Mamoru listened to the short clip with bated breath, but was relieved that it wasn't as bad as he imagined it might be.

_"I made a great friend here,"_ Seiya spoke through the speakers. _"If she's listening, I want her to meet me at the last spot we saw each other."_

_He sounds so confident_, Mamoru thought. _He knew she would hear it. _There was no doubt in his mind that Seiya was speaking to Usagi.

Below the audio clip was an article full of speculation about whether or not Seiya was trying to reconnect with an old girlfriend. He tried not to let it bother him, but it did. Quickly, he clicked the X in the corner of the tab, getting rid of any article involving Kou Seiya or Three Lights from his computer screen.

Opening his email inbox, he knew exactly what he wanted to say.

"I want you to tell me everything you know about about Seiya and the Three Lights," his message read. "Let's video chat soon." He quickly added a list of times that would work for him.

He scrolled through his contact list until he found the person he was looking for:

Haruka Tenou.


	11. Chapter 9: Crime Fighters

AN: Hello, everyone! I hope that you're all feeling healthy and doing well. This has been a crazy time, so unfortunately I haven't been able to update much. Did I mean for this chapter to have over 6,000 words? Absolutely not. It just kept growing and growing, but hopefully it's a welcome surprise for those of you who have been waiting for an update.

Drink lots of water, wash your hands, and STAY AT HOME if you can.

xo Amethyst

* * *

CHAPTER 9: CRIME FIGHTERS

After a long day of _trying_ to get things like essays and outlines done, Usagi felt a burst of frustration when she noticed the sun was now hanging low, and the sky was taking on the golden hue of dusk. With her chin resting in her hand on the kitchen table, she looked over her open planner, staring at the names of assignments written in glaring colors and empty checkboxes waiting to be filled. She felt like a failure.

_Bzzz_. With a heavy sigh, she looked down at the incoming text displayed on her screen.

_Noodles OK for dinner?_

A heavy sigh escaped from her lips. _Oh yeah, dinner_, she thought to herself. Normally she would jump at the chance to spend time with Seiya, who seemed to have less of it these days as he prepared for his comeback. Having known him for so long and seeing Minako go through the same process, she knew that there was more to releasing an album than just recording it. There were meetings, photo shoots, and interviews that filled up space in her friend's day. Though he only had a photo shoot in the morning, the approaching deadline for one of Usagi's class assignments persuaded her to stay home most of the day and work without distraction. She should have been happy that it was finally time for their planned hangout, but the heavy weight of the frustration she felt pulled her down. She was so tempted to revert back to her old ways and come up with an excuse to cancel, but as she pictured the disappointment he would surely have on his face, she couldn't do it.

About an hour later she found herself refreshed from a shower and ready to put on a smile for her friend. With wet hair and a comfortable outfit, she opened the door to find Seiya in his female form standing on the other side, holding a plastic bag full of warm takeout containers.

"I brought ramen!" He said with a cheery voice, his blue eyes gleaming as he moved past his blonde-haired friend, the enticing smell of savory broth trailing behind him.

"Thanks, Seiya-kun," she said, closing the door. A flash of light bounced off the walls - a sight she was used to seeing when senshi transformed around her - and she wasn't surprised to find that when she turned around, Seiya's body had already changed. When the pair was sitting at the kitchen table, noodles swirled around wooden chopsticks, the pop idol asked curiously, "How did your homework go today? Did you get it all done?"

Usagi slurped a thick udon noodle into her mouth before shrugging. "I didn't get anything done."

"I thought you said you had a bunch of work to do?" Seiya asked. Usagi thought he sounded a little hurt. Suddenly it dawned on her: he thought that she had made an excuse not to spend time with him.

"I _did… I do_, I just couldn't get any of it done." She sighed, looking down into her soup. She worried that when she looked up, Seiya would be looking at her with anger or disappointment, but to her relief, when she lifted her eyes, she was met with empathy.

"What happened?" He asked gently.

"I guess I... I don't know, Seiya-kun. I sat down to do what I needed to do and it felt wrong. I couldn't focus." She couldn't understand why her throat suddenly ached and her eyes were stinging with tears. "Sometimes I feel like… I don't know, like this might all be for nothing."

Usagi looked back down into her soup, feeling exposed under Seiya's pensive gaze.

"I've been wondering about something," he said, finally breaking the silence.

"Hm?" She plopped a piece of juicy tofu into her mouth.

"When was the last time you transformed?"

"Huh? What does that have to do with anything?"

He simply looked at her, encouraging her to answer.

"The final battle." She pushed away the image of Galaxia, clad in golden armor and scowling down at her.

Seiya's eyes widened as his jaw dropped slightly. "Seriously? That was two years ago."

Usagi shrugged, "It's been a peaceful time."

"Well no wonder you're restless! Odango... you're _bored_. I couldn't imagine being a normal person for too long!" Seiya stood up suddenly and reached his hand down, beckoning to his friend to join him.

"Come on, we're going to go fight some crime," he said, wiggling his fingers as Usagi hesitated.

She raised an eyebrow and laughed. "We're not in Gotham, Batman. We can't just go outside and find some 'crime'. Are you expecting some Animates to show up?"

"We're in Tokyo...there's _plenty _of crime. Let's go find a robbery or something. You're a sailor guardian, Usagi. Fighting bad guys is what we do. Going to school is great and important, but this is what fulfills us."

"I'm a princess, Seiya-kun. I don't think I was actually meant for fighting crime."

"Do you think you were given those amazing powers for no reason?"

"W-well, no, I just mean-"

"Just because you're a princess doesn't mean you have to be locked away in a tower. You're capable of fighting for yourself and fighting for others. Don't let anybody make you feel like you're not. So, I'm going to ask you formally- Sailor Moon, will you please come fight some crime with me tonight?"

Filled with warmth and reassurance, Usagi couldn't hold back the hearty laugh she felt bubbling in her stomach. She placed her hand in his, allowing him to help her from her chair.

"Sure, Star Fighter. Let's go."

* * *

"I've never gone out looking for crime before," a woman spoke. She was petite, with round blue eyes, porcelain skin with a twinge of peach, and golden hair styled into two long pigtails that swayed when she moved. She wore a shimmering golden skirt with red and blue layers peeking out beneath, heeled white boots that reached the top of her calves, and a glittery golden broach pinned at the center of her chest. The most majestic part of her was the pair of large, soft white wings perched upon her back, their delicate feathers fluttering in the breeze.

Standing on the roof of a tall building, Eternal Sailor Moon's white-gloved hands gripped onto the cold, metal railings before her. She leaned over the edge to look below, watching the movements of car headlights and drunken crowds.

"I didn't think it would be this hard. The bad guys used to just come to me," she murmured.

Beside her, her companion looked below as well. Her lightly-tanned skinned seemed to take on a soft glow under the light from the moon. Her latex-like outfit of shorts, boots, and a bustier were so glossy they looked almost wet to Sailor Moon, and she noticed that at times when the woman moved, the bright lights of the surrounding buildings were reflected in its sheen. With black gloves adorning her arms, the woman placed a gentle hand to her left ear, summoning a headset that materialized beneath her fingers. The ear piece was golden, shaped like a star, and encrusted with small jewels.

"It can amplify sounds if I set it right," Star Fighter explained.

After some silence between the two of them, Sailor Moon asked curiously, "What can you hear?"

"Nothing really. Just harmless chatter," she answered.

Sailor Moon's eyes studied Sailor Star Fighter's face as she scanned the area around them. She was focused, yet seemed so relaxed. She was enjoying this.

With a smile, Sailor Moon asked with a gentle voice, "You really like being Sailor Star Fighter, don't you?"

Navy blue eyes glanced her way. They shimmered with spots of city lights, reminding Usagi of the night sky.

"Of course, I love it. I love _her._ It's like I said - she's a part of me. I was born to be Sailor Star Fighter... but I know I'm supposed to be Seiya too." As Star Fighter turned to face Sailor Moon, she dropped her hand and allowed her headset to disappear.

"Don't you like being Sailor Moon?"

The blonde soldier pursed her lips together. "I do. I like that I can protect people and keep them safe. I love this world, and I feel honored that _I_ was the one chosen to protect it, but I... It was dropped on my lap when I was 14. I wasn't trained for it or prepared, I was just thrown into it. I couldn't pass a math test but for some reason I was responsible for the safety of an entire planet. Sometimes it feels like a burden."

"Wow, Odango. I'm really sorry, I can't imagine what that was like for you," Star Fighter answered gravely. "That sounds terrifying."

"It was, but I got used to it, and I am really proud of Sailor Moon." She looked into Sailor Star Fighter's sad, empathetic eyes and smiled warmly.

"I'm really proud of her too," Fighter said with a playful wink. She turned away and her eyes narrowed before she pointed to a building and said suddenly, "Look over there."

Sailor Moon squinted at the building, "Where? What are you talking about?"

Sailor Star Fighter stood beside her and gently took her chin into her gloved hand. Sailor Moon blushed a deep red, thankful that her face was shrouded by darkness, as she felt the taller guardian press the side of her face to hers, giving them a similar line of sight.

"Do you see it?" Sailor Star Fighter asked, using her hand to guide where Sailor Moon looked. She tried to focus on what she was seeing, and not on the warmth of Star Fighter's body, or the way her latex gloves felt against her chin. She hoped her breathing wasn't as shaky as she thought it was.

She searched the dark windows, offices abandoned for the night, until she noticed it — a flash in the darkness. _Two_ flashes. Within moments she realized she was looking at the beams of two flashlights searching a dark room.

"What if they're just looking for something?" She asked skeptically.

Sailor Star Fighter's laughter was smooth and bright. "Oh, Usagi-chan. Always seeing the good in people. It's midnight. You don't need a flashlight in an office at midnight if you're supposed to be there."

The two found themselves bouncing from rooftop to rooftop, slinking in the shadows until they found themselves on the top of the office building they had spied earlier.

"You go down the stairs and I'll go around the other side," Star Fighter whispered.

"We're splitting up?" Sailor Moon asked, surprised.

"Yeah, of course. They might run. You can do this, Odango. I know you can," she said before bounding away in a flash of glimmering black.

Sailor Moon took a deep, heavy breath and clenched her fists, willing her nerves to subside. Her fitted bodice and skin tight boots suddenly felt constricting.

_You can do this_.

She slipped through the roof access door and quietly made her way down the dimly lit stairwell, counting how many flights she was from the top. When she made it to the fifth from the top, she slowly pushed the door open. She felt her stomach flip when she saw the glow of two flashlights coming from a cubicle across the space. She didn't know when or how it happened, but the nervousness morphed into something else. When she breathed in, she could feel the anticipation running through her like electricity. Suddenly she wasn't a 20-year-old trying to find her way in a world she wasn't meant to take part in. She was the pretty guardian who had been protecting this city for the last six years. She was ready to fight.

"Hey!" Sailor Moon cried. "Stop right there!"

The men, dressed from head to toe in black, looked up — one dropping the object in his hands. It fell to the floor with a loud crack. When Sailor Moon squinted, she realized it was a silver laptop.

"What the hell," he grumbled.

"Sailor Moon?" The other man choked out, surprised.

The first man punched the other man's shoulder. "Don't be an idiot! That's some dumb kid playing dress up. Take care of her while I take care of this."

The man was short, stocky, and seemed hesitant. He staggered for a moment, and then rushed toward the perceived imposter. Sailor Moon focused the adrenaline building up in her body into a strong high-kick, delivering it right to man's face. Her foot connected to the man's bone with a sharp snap and he flew back, hitting the concrete with a groan.

"No, no, no... Screw this," he whimpered, putting a hand to his now bleeding nose as he stood up with a sway. "You said we'd be in and out without a problem, Ryo! I didn't sign up for this!" He ran into the darkness toward the stair well, stumbling over the broken laptop as he went.

Quickly, Sailor Moon removed the golden tiara from her forehead, crouching as she aimed and threw it toward the man who ran away. It glistened and glowed as it shaped itself like a disc, and she willed it not to seriously harm who it touched, only to knock them down. She cried out with glee when it hit the back of the man's knee, sending him tumbling to the ground.

"Don't move, or I'll come after you again!" She shouted, returning her tiara to its place.

His groaned response was reassuring.

The other man clenched his jaw and dropped the duffel bag he was holding, then reached down into his waistband. Sailor Moon wasn't naive. Focusing her eyes on the man, she opened her palm and summoned her moon rod in anticipation. Suddenly, a flash of gleaming black whizzed by and the man was grabbed from behind with a loud grunt.

"Get on the ground," Sailor Star Fighter shouted, pressing the man forward. "Sailor Moon, get the gun away from him."

"Thanks for showing up!" Sailor Moon called out as she moved closer, not bothering to keep the annoyance out of her voice.

"Sorry! Getting in on that side was harder than I thought." The man thrashed around wildly as Star Fighter tried to wrestle him to the ground.

With one flashlight abandoned on a desk and the other rolling to a stop on the ground, Usagi tried to focus her eyes in the dark. She was relieved when she saw a glint of metal in the beam of white, fluorescent light. She ran forward and reached down to grab the weapon, startled when she felt a warm ball of flesh and bone hit her eye socket.

"Owww!" She cried out, bringing her hands to her eye.

Fighter adjusted her hold on the man, pinning down the arm that had flown out and hit her partner in the face.

"I'm so sorry, Sailor Moon! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Sailor Moon moaned, kicking the weapon aside with the toe of her boot. "He got me good."

"Come closer, bitch! I'll get you again," the man yelled out, grunting as he tried to wiggle his arms free.

"What did you call her?" Sailor Star Fighter growled, forcing the man forward. She slipped her arm around his neck, pulling tight. "You owe her an apology!"

"I-I… I can't—"

"I didn't hear that. What?"

"I can't breathe!" The man cried out.

"You can or you wouldn't be talking right now," Fighter answered coolly. "How about now?"

Sailor Moon watched in surprise, her mouth agape as the Starlight's toned arm flexed and the man gasped for more air.

"I'm sorry!" He breathed out. When Fighter loosened her hold slightly, the man sucked in a deep, desperate breath before rushing to say, "I'm sorry, Sailor Moon! You're not a bitch, I'm sure you're a really nice young woman!" He began to sob as Sailor Star Fighter got him down to his knees with a kick to the back of his legs, and pulled his arms tight behind his back.

With wide eyes, Sailor Moon stared at the two people before her. "Um, thanks..."

The loud _rrrriiiippp_ of duct tape filled the office as Fighter began wrapping the man's wrists behind his back, a glimmer of amusement in her eyes.

When she was done, she wiped sweat from her brow and said quickly, "You stay here and call the police, I'll check on the other one."

With a nod, Sailor Moon quickly picked up the phone on the nearest desk and dialed the emergency number.

"What's your emergency?"

"Uhh, there's two men here trying to rob this place. They have a gun," she said into the phone, looking over Star Fighter as she quickly wrapped tape around the other man's wrists. The man didn't even protest with Star Fighter knelt down beside his feet and began to wrap his ankles together.

"One probably needs medical attention."

"Did they hurt anyone?"

"Um, no, but we hurt them. They could use some help."

Standing at the top of the tall office building, the guardians looked below, watching police spill out of the cars with their flashing lights and loud sirens. When two officers opened the door to the roof, expecting to find the "half-naked women" who tied up the angry and confused burglars downstairs, Sailor Moon and Sailor Star Fighter were already gone.

Two figures bounced onto the dark patio of Tsukino Usagi's apartment and slipped in through the sliding glass door. Usagi, coming in behind Sailor Star Fighter, dropped her transformation as soon as the shades were drawn. Dressed again in her warm yoga pants and cozy sweatshirt, Usagi with folded arms and pursed lips asked with disbelief, "Seiya? What the hell was that?! What were you thinking?"

"Oh, he would have been fine," Sailor Star Fighter said, laughing as she dropped onto the couch. "At _most_ he would have just passed out for a minute. He was being really dramatic, I promise."

"_He_ was being dramatic? That wasn't necessary, Seiya."

"He shouldn't be calling women names like that and he pulled a gun on you. It was necessary."

"That was reckless," Usagi said seriously.

Star Fighter smirked. "And?"

"It was _really_ stupid_," _Usagi said, looking her friend in the eye.

"_And_?"

She tried her best to keep it off her face, but she couldn't help her smile. "It was kind of fun."

"I told you, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did, _but_," Usagi began, stepping closer and giving the alien a stern look. "We can't do that again, Seiya. It's not safe. I know we would have been fine, but what if we weren't? Haruka-chan and Mamo-chan would lose their minds if we got hurt doing something dumb like that.

"You've defeated horrible monsters, Odango." Fighter said reassuringly. "But I get it. I don't want to make you do anything you're not comfortable with."

"Thanks for understanding." Usagi let out a soft breath. "Make yourself at home, okay? I'm going to take a long shower."

"Hey, Odango?" The senshi called out to her, standing up.

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry," she said, reaching out to touch under her eye. "I should have held on to him better. He was stronger than I thought he would be."

"No, Seiya, it's fine. I got way too close. I wasn't thinking about what I was doing."

"I know, but I should have protected you."

Usagi smiled, "It wasn't your fault. It was dark and there was a lot happening."

"If you ever decide that you want to fight crime with me again, maybe we can talk about strategies and do some training."

The blonde shrugged, a playful smile on her face. "I'll think about it."

As Usagi scrubbed the night's events off of her skin, she heard Seiya's voice through the bathroom door asking to borrow some pajamas.

"Sure, you can wear whatever you find," she called out, closing her eyes as she rinsed the shampoo out of her hair. After blow-drying her long hair and putting on some comfortable pajamas, she opened the door and smiled to herself when she saw a mop of black hair peeking out from beneath the covers. Suddenly she felt like she was back in her old bedroom at her parent's house, staying up all night with Rei talking and playing video games, then passing out long after midnight. She remembered the way Rei's dark hair looked sprawled out on her pink bed sheets, and suddenly she missed her friend dearly.

Usagi lifted the covers and crawled under. "This wasn't what I meant by 'make yourself at home'," she said sarcastically.

"Kick me out then," was Seiya's tired, barely audible mumble. "I'll go to the couch."

Usagi gave a soft laugh as she turned out the lamp. "I'm kidding, it's fine." With one last look at the incense burner on her bedside table, she relaxed into the pillows and closed her eyes. Listening to the hum of the fan, she thought of how nice it was to fall asleep next to someone again. As she drifted off to sleep, thinking of small orange flowers and warm pink light, she thought it was nice that it was Seiya she was next to.

* * *

When Usagi awoke the next morning, she felt a very persistent, painful throbbing on her face. Squeezing her eyes shut, she groaned out, "What the hell happened?" She knew she didn't have anything to drink, so why did she feel hungover?

"Shhh, I'm so tired," muttered a voice beside her.

Usagi's eyes snapped open to look at the source. Of course, lying beside her, was none other than Kou Seiya. She sat up slowly, flinching as the aching in her head became more intense, and looked down at herself. She knew she hadn't done anything wrong, but it assured her to see that she was dressed in a soft pink t-shirt and silky pink shorts anyway. She craned her neck, and though Seiya was buried beneath the comfort of the covers, she could see a bare, masculine shoulder peeking out from beneath the blanket.

Panicked about falling asleep in the same bed as a man that _wasn't_ Chiba Mamoru, she tried to think back to last night. When Seiya dropped his transformation, he was a woman, wasn't he? Thinking back a few hours, she remembered the way Fighter gently brushed the bruise forming beneath her eye. Then in the shower, she heard Fighter ask for clothes to wear. Did he drop his transformation by then?

"_Of course he's a man, dummy. You told him to be comfortable!" _

A small blush spread to her cheeks as she thought about Seiya rummaging through her drawers for pajamas. For some reason, a female Seiya stumbling upon her underwear in an attempt to find pajamas didn't bother her, but picturing _male_ Seiya doing the same made her feel shy and slightly embarrassed. She exhaled slowly, trying to push that thought away. Seiya was Seiya no matter what, and that was something she had to get used to. But, didn't he consider Fighter to be a woman? _Ooo, this is so confusing!_

Seiya's slowly opened his dark eyes, clouded by hazy sleepiness, and he took a good look at his friend. "Shoot, that really bruised over night," he said with concern.

"Oh," Usagi murmured, finally remembering the events that led to her getting punched in the face. She touched her bruised skin gingerly and shrugged. "It'll heal. I probably should have stayed transformed longer. It would have gone away. It's already better than it was last night."

"I'm really sorry, Odango. I should have been more careful," Seiya murmured, reaching up to brush the back of his fingertips against the bruise. Usagi flinched back and gently took Seiya's hand in her own, moving it away.

"It's fine, Seiya-kun. I'm okay."

"We won't do that again."

Usagi wished she could take his guilt away. His eyes, shining in the golden morning light, were worried and full of concern. She opened her mouth to protest, but was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Who…" She muttered. She started to complain _at this hour_, but with a glance at the clock (reading 10:00am), she held her tongue. "Coming," she yelled, crawling out of bed.

Usagi slid the chain from the lock and opened the door, shrinking back at the sight of the dark-haired woman standing in front of her.

"Uhh... I wasn't expecting you?"

"Good morning to you too, Usagi," Rei said, peeking at the blonde-haired woman over the top of her sunglasses. "_Jeez_, Usagi, what the hell happened to your face?"

"I—"

"Oh, wait, you don't have to tell me," Rei began, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "Because it's on the front page of the freaking newspaper," she said, raising a thick newspaper to Usagi's eye-level. The blonde had to take a step back so that her nose was no longer touching it, and it took her a moment of squinting to focus.

One the front of the gray paper was a photo of a man — the angry, violent man from last night, wearing handcuffs and being pushed into a police car. His smaller friend, dazed and covered in blood, wasn't far behind. A smaller photo showed two dark, blurred figures exiting the office building they had been apprehended from.

The title read: TWO VIGILANTES DISGUISED AS SAILOR GUARDIANS FOIL A ROBBERY

"Wow, I'm glad we could inspire people to fight crime," Usagi mused.

Rei gave her friend a blank look. "Are you kidding me, Usagi? I know this was you and Seiya!"

Usagi sighed deeply and opened the door wider, making room for Rei to enter. She followed Usagi to the kitchen and sat down on a chair.

"What were you thinking, Usagi-chan? You could have seriously gotten hurt. The article said they were armed! You could have been killed."

She thought of Seiya's encouraging words from last night and said, "I've defeated monsters, Rei. I was fine."

Usagi turned on the electric kettle and turned to face her friend, her stomach dropping when she saw her friend's violet eyes — glassy and full of worry.

"Rei-chan?"

"Look at you, Usagi-chan. You're hurt," she spoke quietly, tears wavering in her voice.

"I'm fine, Rei-chan. _Really_. I've been hurt worse. Like I told Seiya-kun, if I had just stayed transformed a little bit longer—"

"Was this his idea? What am I saying-_of course _this was his idea."

The only sound Rei heard was the boiling of the kettle on the counter.

"I don't like this, Usagi-chan. I like Seiya-kun and I appreciate everything that he's done for us, but your friendship is toxic," she said.

"Don't be so dramatic, Rei. In what way is our friendship 'toxic'?"

"It… he _loves_ you, for one thing! And Mamoru's in America, and the amount of time you two spend together isn't appropriate. And, look! He's putting you in danger!"

Usagi closed her eyes and thought about her words carefully. The defensiveness bubbled beneath her skin, itching to burst out and lash out at her overly concerned friend.

_At least he listens to me_, it wanted to say.

_I feel like myself when I'm with him_.

Usagi poured Rei a cup of herbal tea, something floral and delicate, and then turned around. "Rei-chan," she began, setting the cup down in front of her. "I love you and I appreciate your concern. It wasn't Seiya's fault that I got hurt last night. It was mine. I wasn't thinking clearly or watching where I was going. And while I'm sure it looks strange, there isn't anything weird going on between us. He's one of my best friends, and that's all there is to it."

At that moment, Usagi heard the soft _click_ of her bedroom door closing.

"Did you hear that?" Rei asked suddenly, sitting up straight. "What was that?"

"Uhh, probably came from one of the neighbors."

"It sounded close by."

"Oh, no, it always sounds like that. Hey, Rei-chan. I just had an idea. I'm so glad you're here because I just remembered that Seiya and I were going to grab brunch soon. Why don't you join us? You two can catch up."

When Rei looked at Usagi with suspicion, she mustered up the biggest, brightest, fakest smile she could muster and said, "It'll be so much fun!"

"...um, sure, Usagi-chan. That sounds nice."

"Great!" Usagi looked down at herself, dressed in her tank top and silky pink shorts. "I'm going to get changed, why don't you finish your tea?"

She began to head to her room, but not without stopping to turn on the stereo. "Here, listen to some music too. I'll just be a few minutes."

Usagi closed the door to her bedroom and leaned against it, looking at the musician sitting cross-legged on her bed. Her breath caught in her throat for a moment as she took in the sight. His toned chest, which which she tried terribly hard not to look at, was bare, and all he wore was a pair of Mamoru's running shorts. The light was shining _just right_, giving his long, wavy hair that hung loose down his back a vivid blue tint. His white hair tie-a long, white ribbon-was in a tangled heap on the bed beside him. Hanging over her vanity bench was his outfit from the previous day.

_Great. This doesn't look suspicious at all._

"What now?" Seiya whispered.

"I'm going to change and take her to that breakfast cafe around the corner. You're going to meet us there." She quickly went into the closet and shut the door. Seconds later, she opened it again to add in a hurried whisper, "And this should go without saying — you need to be 100% sneaky when you leave here."

"Why don't we just tell her the truth? I'm sure she'll understand."

Usagi gave Seiya skeptical look.

"It's Rei, no she won't. She's going to make a big deal out of it and the everyone else will try to get involved."

In the closet, she quickly threw on a grey sweatshirt and white jeans. Not bothering with putting her hair into her usual hairstyle, she left the closet furiously combing her fingers through her long hair.

Sensing her frustration and anxiety, Seiya was soon behind her with a hairbrush, running it down the length of her hair. "Calm down, Usagi-chan," he whispered. His voice was like a cool cloth, it soothed her and brought her down to earth. She nodded and closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath.

He set the brush down and folded his arms across his chest, standing back to take a look.

"You look great." His soft, admiring smile sent a warm feeling through Usagi's body.

"I'll see you soon?"

He nodded, "Soon. Give me… twenty minutes, okay?"

Not that she was counting, but on top of the eight minutes it took for Usagi and Rei to walk to The Bluebird Cafe, it was another twenty-five minutes before Seiya strolled in through the glass door. Wearing the same jeans and t-shirt he was wearing when he stopped by her house the previous night, Usagi noticed that his hair, though now gathered into his usual style, was damp. She wondered if he'd showered at her house - what he'd used, how he smelled, but quickly pushed those thoughts away.

"Rei! It's been awhile," Seiya greeted with a huge smile.

There was a warmth in Rei's violet eyes as she stood up quickly from the table and wrapped her arms around the man in a tight hug.

"It's so good to see you, Seiya," she said happily. She stepped back and then without any warning at all, balled her fist and landed a solid punch to Seiya's right shoulder.

"Ow! Ow, what the hell, Hino?"

"You know what that's for," she said sternly.

Seiya rubbed the spot gingerly as he sat down in a chair across from Rei, his eyebrows furrowed. "Yeah, look, I'm really sorry. It was entirely my idea. She's tougher than you think she is, though."

"I know how tough she is, Seiya. It's just not necessary for her to do stuff like that. I just don't want her to get hurt."

"Rei, I'm okay," Usagi interjected quickly. "_Really_. Actually, aside from getting punched in the face, it was pretty fun."

Rei looked between the pair and then laughed with disbelief. "It was fun? So, what, are you going to start patrolling the streets now?"

Usagi shook her head quickly. "No, no, I don't think so. I just… it was nice to do something..." She paused, but then curved her peach lips into a soft smile when she found the words, "Helpful. Useful."

She felt lighter after saying that.

"Usagi-chan... Just _please_ don't ever do anything like that every again without letting one of us know, alright?"

She nodded and glanced over at Seiya, meeting his eyes.

"So, tell me everything. How _did_ you get that black eye?" Rei asked.

Seiya and Usagi told the story of their adventure the previous night, taking comfort in the way that Rei listened. Her gasps and laughs lightened the mood, and as they ate their meals of eggs and pancakes, they had fun. When the server left the check and Usagi excused herself to the restroom, Rei turned to Seiya and told him in a lowered voice, "I'm sorry I was so uspet. I shouldn't have hit you."

"I get it, Rei. You're trying to protect your princess. Please, believe me when I say that I understand that completely."

Rei sighed softly, her violet eyes pensive.

"I'm happy to see her open up like that and smile. Really smile. Ever since the battle with Galaxia..." Rei trailed off, fighting with the tears that lumped in her throat. "She's been so off, Seiya. Sometimes I feel like we lost her."

"She's not lost, Rei. She just needs some help getting through it all."

"Look, I need to say this. I'm really grateful that you're here, Seiya. She's coming out of her shell again, and that's great, but you can't put her in danger like that. The others won't stand for you being here if you do. And the time you two spend together... Seiya, people are going to start wondering about your relationship."

"Let them wonder," he said with an eyeroll, pulling cash out of his wallet and setting it on the table. "By _people_ you mean you and your friends, right?"

"It's not like it was before, Seiya. Mamoru is here this time."

"Is he? He left her here so that he could go to America and do his own thing. He's showing me right now what his priorities are. She's more sad and lonely now than she was when he was dead."

Rei's eyes widened, but Seiya's nonchalant demeanor never changed.

"Why would you say something like that? Did Usagi-chan tell you that?"

"No, she didn't. That's coming from me." Seiya gave a frustrated sigh. "This isn't ending on a good note and that's not what I want. I'm not here to chase her or make her love me. I'm not here to break up anyone's relationship either. I'm here because I missed Earth. As for Usagi and I-we're just friends. We get each other and there's nothing complicated about it."

"So, you're not in love with her anymore? That sounds complicated to me."

His body stiffened and his eyes narrowed. "I don't really think that's any of your business."

"I think it is. You contacted her from millions of light years away and then just showed up here. I don't think it's because you missed Earth."

Seiya laughed wryly and stood up from his seat. "The senshi in this galaxy really like to overstep their boundaries, don't they?"

When Usagi came back toward the table, she looked at Seiya with surprise. "You're leaving?" She asked the pop idol.

"Yeah, I have to get to the studio. I'll text you later," he said, and without another word, Kou Seiya left the cafe.

Usagi paused where she stood, confused, and maybe even a little hurt. With furrowed brows she plopped heavily into her seat and looked to Rei.

"What was that about? Did he say anything to you?"

Rei shrugged.

Usagi groaned. "Oh no, Rei, you weren't bugging him about-"

"I just wanted to know how he feels about you, that's all!"

"Rei, that is so embarrassing! We're just friends!"

"I'm just looking out for you," She replied sternly.

Usagi rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair. "I know, I just wish you would be a little nicer about it. Why'd you have to do that?"

"Look, I'm sorry. I just don't want him to push any feelings on you that you don't want."

"Fine, okay, and if he does I'll be sure to let you know. For now please trust that Seiya is an absolute gentleman and when we're hanging out we're either eating, playing video games, or praying."

Rei shot her a skeptical look.

"Okay, not praying. But you get the idea, right? All innocent, platonic, very reasonable activities."

"You know that we trust you, right? It's _him_ we don't trust."

"I get that, but _I _trust him and I need that to be enough for you guys." She lowered her voice and whispered angrily, "He saved my life, Rei. If it weren't for him we would _all_ be dead. This planet would have been devoured. Just be nice. He's still the Seiya that you were obsessed with before you found out he liked me."

"I wasn't trying to be mean to him, I just wanted to-"

"Rei. _Please."_

She sighed. "Okay, fine. You're right, Usagi-chan, I'm sorry. I'll lay off."

"Thank you, Rei-chan."

Rei was quiet for a moment before she asked, "I know you're mad at me, but... are you busy tonight? I was gonna order pizza and watch a movie. It would be a lot more fun if you were there."

"It's family dinner night at my parent's house," Usagi replied. She watched as disappointment clouded Rei's face. With a small smile, she added, "But, if you want, you can come with me."

Violet eyes perked. "Really? Is that okay with your parents?"

"Yeah, of course. It's a family dinner and you're family, so why not?"

Before she knew it, Rei had enveloped Usagi in a warm, tight hug.

"I really love you, Usagi-chan."

Usagi took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the smell of Rei's sweet, floral shampoo. When she let go of that breath, she felt calm, light, and loved.

"I know. You're a pain in the butt, but I love you too."


	12. Chapter 10: In the Dark

CHAPTER 10: IN THE DARK

Usagi had the first sleepless night that she'd had in weeks. She spent most of the night trying to find a comfortable position, squeezing her eyes shut as she tossed and turned beneath the covers. Sometimes she would feel herself drift off to sleep, but when she would wake with a jolt through her body, she would look at the clock and see that not even an hour had passed. Even Luna, bless her heart, got up from the bed in the middle of the night to find a calmer place to sleep.

When the sun rose and she decided she couldn't stand to be in her bed any longer, Usagi decided it was time for a snack. With a rumbling stomach she took a jar of peanut butter out of the cabinet. As she opened it, her phone chimed to let her know that she had a new email. She leaned against the counter and began to scroll through the short message from her fiancé.

_How are your friends?_ He asked. _Anything new happening? I haven't heard about them in awhile._

She felt a heavy weight settling on her chest. How could she avoid the subject of the visiting alien when he was so direct? With a sigh, she hit 'reply' and started to draft an email that she knew would result in an awkward conversation later.

_Seiya is visiting from Kinmoku.  
_

Thankfully, Usagi's message was interrupted by another notification on her screen.

**SEIYA CALLING…**

Her stomach fluttered, and without hesitation, she took the call (though in her mind, she was sure to thank the divine being that intervened on her behalf and saved her from having to write that uncomfortable email just yet).

"Seiya-kun!"

"Morning, Odango, I'm glad you're up. How are you?"

"I'm good, Seiya. I'm really sorry about Rei-chan yesterday. I don't know what she said to you but I know it was out of line, and I'm really _really_ sorry," she rushed out. She held the phone between her ear and shoulder as she picked up a knife from the counter and began to spread a giant glob of peanut butter onto a slice of bread.

"It's fine," he answered, his usually light-hearted voice wavering. "I know she's just trying to be a good friend."

"Yeah, but she doesn't have to be such an ass about it," she said, slathering jam onto the other slice. She took a big bite of her completed sandwich.

"It's fine, that's old news. What are you doing today? I'm heading to the studio to record that song with Minako. She told me you might be coming?"

"Oh, that's today," Usagi murmured around bits of bread and peanut butter, looking up at the calendar that hung on her kitchen wall. She remembered Minako, bubbling with excitement, calling to tell her about the song Seiya invited her to sing on.

"_Do you want to come? It's not really professional to bring friends to another musician's studio, but I don't think Seiya would mind you being there!" She said happily._

"_Sure, just tell me when and where."_

"Yeah, I still want to come."

"I'm going in an hour before Minako, so I'll pick you up. Are you hungry? We can get breakfast on the way."

Usagi looked down at the half-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich in her hand.

"I could eat," she said before taking another bite.

"Great, I'll be there in 30."

This wasn't Usagi's first time in a recording studio, but it was always an exciting experience to be there. She loved music, but had to admit that she didn't have a talented bone in her body when it came to performing it. Sometimes when she closed her eyes she could imagine herself singing into a microphone, but being realistic, she knew that her voice was best left for the shower. Nevertheless, her body felt buzzed with anticipation from the moment she set down the phone. She felt like it was such a special place.

Later that morning, after using some concealer on her still-bruised eye and chowing down on _omuraisu_ in the back of Seiya's car, Usagi found herself watching the people around her as she sat on a soft leather couch toward the back of the room. Standing near the glass partition was Minako's manager: a handsome, older man who went by the name of James. Every now and then he picked up his phone and snapped a photo, documenting his client's studio time with the pop star Kou Seiya.

The other man in the room was the producer, Daichi. He was a younger, pale man with a mop of curly brown hair and intense brown eyes. Sometimes Usagi would have to remind herself that this boyish-looking guy was an award-winning producer worth more money than she could dream of. Before him was a large panel lit up with pulsing lights. Usagi watched his steady hands as they moved sliders, turned knobs, and pushed buttons. The idea that a person could have memorized every feature and function on this piece of equipment made her head hurt. Usagi could barely make out some of the labels on the panel - abbreviations and shortened words that didn't mean anything to her.

A clear glass window separated the room she was in from a space with soft warm lighting, padded walls, and microphones. When Usagi looked through the glass, she could see Seiya and Minako on the other side. When she had first laid eyes on Seiya that morning, she admired the way that some boys could dress down and still look incredibly stylish. He was cute in his black jogging pants and fitted white t-shirt. It was a little chilly in the studio, but she knew the black beanie pulled over his hair was more for looks than function. As he stood in the vocal booth, he wore a large pair of black headphones that sat snugly over his ears. Beyond the metal stand, which Usagi assumed held a sheet with lyrics, she could see Seiya's navy blue eyes focused intently on the producer's face. Daichi spoke in a low voice through a microphone on the sound panel. A pen in hand, Seiya looked down and scribbled notes onto the sheet before him.

Minako had dressed up more that day. She stood across from Seiya with her own set of headphones in a tight knee-length red skirt, red high-heeled pumps, and a shimmery silver top. Her signature red bow was resting on the music stand beside her own sheet of lyrics. Daichi gave her notes on changes she should make, and she nodded seriously with focused eyes. She looked to Seiya then, and they began to practice the change, watching each other's lips as they harmonized a line to the song that Seiya wrote.

"Much better, guys. Let's try that again from the line '_Are we turning our back on what could be forever',_" the producer called out.

Finally settling on a compromise, music started to flow through the speakers, and Seiya began to sing. When Usagi closed her eyes, she almost felt like she could _feel_ Seiya's voice in her body as he sang a song about saying goodbye to someone he loved. When Minako joined in, Usagi felt a chill down her spine and little bumps rising on her skin. Minako sang with her hands to her chest, her eyes locked on Seiya's, her voice dripping with sadness. The lyrics — an answer from the woman that Seiya sang to in his song — were somber. Their voices intertwined to tell a story of two people who still loved each other but couldn't get along anymore. They had to end it, but wondered if they'd be missing out.

_"Why did we say goodbye?" _

She wondered briefly if that song had anything to do with her, but then shook that idea off. That didn't make sense. Was it a metaphor for Kinmoku? Had he had a lover there?

Her speculating thoughts were interrupted by the vibrating in her pocket. She pulled out her phone and glanced at her screen, her eyebrows raising at the name on the display.

_She never calls me_, Usagi thought to herself.

"That was great," the producer said, stopping the music. "Let's do it again from the top."

Hoping not to disturb anyone, Usagi quietly got up from her seat and slipped out the door, finding herself in a long hallway. She made her toward a bench that she remembered passing on her way in, and was grateful to find it empty of other people. She quickly redialed the number.

"Hi, Haruka-chan! Is everything okay?"

"I don't know, Koneko. You tell me."

Surprised and rather confused by that response, Usagi hesitated for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"I talked to Mamoru-san recently."

"Okay... that's good. How was he?"

"He had a lot of questions about Kou."

"Oh," Usagi's could feel her heart skip a beat. "What kind of questions?"

The idea that Mamoru would be fishing for information behind her back sent her stomach for a loop. She bit her bottom lip and furrowed her eyebrows as she searched for the right word to describe how to feel. Betrayed? No, betrayed wasn't the right word. Did he think she was untrustworthy?

She thought back to every opportunity she had to tell him about Seiya's presence on Earth. Did she even have the right to be upset?

"Usagi-chan… why didn't you tell Mamoru that Fighter was back on Earth?"

She stumbled over her words. _Why didn't she_? She didn't know.

"I-I didn't think it was that big of a deal," she answered hesitantly.

"I think if it wasn't that big of a deal then you would have told him," Haruka replied sternly. "Usagi-chan, I don't expect you to tell me everything - or anything, honestly, because you haven't done much of that these days, but I just need to know. Is there anything going on between you and Fighter?"

"Woah, what? _Excuse _me? Of course not, why would you even ask me that?"

"I need to know if he's a threat or not."

"A threat? A threat to what?!"

"A threat to our solar system. To our future."

"_Our_ future?" Usagi clenched her fist to keep it from trembling.

"I'm _so sick _of the future being held over my head!" Remembering that she was in a public space, she breathed out through her nose and asked desperately, "Why does the future get to dictate how I live _now_? Don't I deserve to create my future rather than have it created for me?" She squeezed her eyes shut, already regretting the words that came from her mouth. She wished she could reach out and grab them, pulling them back in to her chest. "I-I'm sorry, Haruka-san, I got… I'm so sorry. I want that future. I promise that I do. I want Crystal Tokyo to exist and I'm not trying to jeopardize that," she said quietly, her voice trembling with anxiety.

There was a long pause on the other side of the phone. Usagi guessed that her guardian was taking time to process her mini meltdown.

"Princess... It's our duty to do the best that we can for this world, and what's best for this world is Crystal Tokyo. I know that you love Mamoru, and I would hate to see a rift caused in your relationship because of some _outsider_ who can't take a hint."

The word _outsider_ hit her in a way she didn't think it could. Her heart ached to know that Seiya could fight for their world and still be considered an "outsider".

"That's not fair, Haruka. He's not an outsider. He's a senshi. He's one of us."

"He may be a senshi, but he's not one of _us._ His presence brings complications."

Usagi sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted with the conversation. "Seiya is my friend. There aren't any complications, Haruka-chan. You guys are the ones making it weird."

There was a short pause before Haruka added coldly, "I don't like that he's here."

"Well, it's a good thing it's not up to you then, because _I _like him here. He's welcome and I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"We appreciate what he's done, Princess, but why is here here? It doesn't feel like a normal visit to me."

"I said I don't want to talk about it anymore, Haruka. I made my decision," she said, speaking that last part with as much confidence as she could manage. She hoped that Haruka could pick up the intention in her steady voice. _I'm the princess_, she wished she had the courage to say. _I have the final word._

Haruka sighed, and Usagi was relieved to hear the defeat in her voice. "I understand, but I will be watching him."

"I don't expect anything less from you, Ruka-chan."

Usagi caught Seiya's eye when she sneaked back into the room, but she was grateful that he was otherwise occupied and quickly turned his attention back to Minako. Maybe she didn't look as bad as she felt, but as her heart raced, her head pounded, and nausea teased her stomach, she felt like something was horribly wrong. No matter how hard she tried to focus on the catchy melody or the way Seiya's and Minako's voices sounded together, she was caught up in her own thoughts. She was so lost in them that she didn't realize the session was over, not until the singers left the vocal booth and entered the control room.

"You did amazing, Minako-chan." Seiya said, giving the girl a warm hug. James was sure to snap a picture of the moment.

"Oh, Seiya!" When she stepped back, she gave him a very respectful bow. "Thank you so much for this opportunity!"

"You're a great friend and a talented singer. I couldn't think of anyone else I'd want to do this song with."

Minako beamed and jumped in for another tight hug. Pulling back, she looked to Usagi and asked, "Need a ride home?"

"Hm? Um," She swallowed, her mouth dry. Finally processing the question, she shook her head and said, "No, I left some stuff in Seiya's car. Thank you though."

The group talked business for another moment before James and Minako left. Daichi gathered his backpack and slung it over his shoulder as he looked to Seiya. "Need anything before I go?"

"No, I'll listen to what we did today and I'll text you any notes I have," Seiya said with a smile.

When the studio door closed, Seiya sat down on the rolling chair that the producer had occupied earlier and scooted it closer to the couch. Usagi looked up with anxious eyes.

"Okay, what happened?"

"Huh?"

"You've looked so uncomfortable since you came back. Talk to me."

With a sigh, Usagi explained the reason for Haruka's call.

"She actually asked you that?" Seiya asked in disbelief.

"I didn't mean to keep it a secret for so long. Obviously it could never be a secret-you're famous. I kept putting it off and just wasn't thinking." Usagi sighed and hugged her knees closer to her chest. "I didn't tell you this because I didn't want you to feel bad, Seiya-kun, but… Mamoru read some of the letters you sent me and he got _really_ mad."

Seiya's eyebrows rose. "Why would he be mad?"

"Well, I mean... the first time he met you, you kind of made it obvious that you liked me. And then you referenced it in some of your letters." A soft, red blush crept onto her nose and cheeks.

"Oh. Is that why you didn't tell him?"

"I don't know. I guess I… I just wasn't ready to deal with the skepticism. I feel like people are always judging our friendship, I…" She stumbled over her words as she tried not to let the tears fall from her eyes.

"You don't have to explain it to me, Odango. I think I understand." Seiya expelled a long sigh. "I didn't mean to cause you so much trouble."

"You're not causing trouble. _I_ caused trouble by not being up front with Mamo-chan. And Haruka… well, Haruka is stirring the pot."

"I really like it here on Earth," he said quietly. Usagi couldn't help but notice how vulnerable the Starlight sounded. "But I could go back if it's too much."

"No, Seiya-kun," Usagi rushed out, moving closer to take his hands in hers. "I want you to stay. They're just trying to protect me. It'll get better."

"I don't want to make your life harder than it already is, Odango."

Usagi laughed. "My life isn't hard, Seiya."

"You like to pretend it's not, but it is. I see it in your eyes all the time."

The smile fell from her face as she dropped her hands into her lap. Sometimes it was comforting to know that Seiya could see through her. It made it easier for her to open up to him, but she hated when he called her out on what he saw.

"When are you expected back on Kinmoku?" Usagi asked suddenly. Though Haruka's brashness bothered her, there was a comment that stuck with her. _This doesn't feel like a normal visit to me_, she had said. As Usagi spent more and more time with the alien, she began to wonder the same thing. After all, why would Seiya put so much energy into restarting his career for just a visit?

His reaction wasn't what she expected. He leaned forward to rest his head in his hands and closed his eyes. He mumbled something through his hands that she couldn't understand.

"Mmmno."

"What?"

When he lifted his head, Usagi noticed that his nose and cheeks were flushed. "I'm not," he said slowly.

"What? What do you mean you're not? You're not what?"

"I'm not expected to go back."

Taken aback, Usagi stared at the Starlight with wide eyes. "What do you mean?! Why aren't you expected to go back?"

"I have been released from the Princess' service." Quickly, he added, "It was on my own terms. I wasn't kicked out or anything. After we returned home and rebuilt Kinmoku, Princess Kakyuu knew I wasn't happy and she gave me a choice. I was free to go wherever I wanted, and I chose to come here. I left with her blessing."

The gravity of what Seiya was telling her was too much for her brain to handle. She tried her best to control her facial expressions, but she couldn't stop the way her eyebrows rose toward her blonde bangs, or how her mouth hung slightly open. "Wh-what? I don't understand this, Seiya-kun. Why would you want to leave Princess Kakyuu? Why weren't you happy?"

"I love Earth so much, Odango. Being here and being Kou Seiya feels so right. I feel like _me_. Princess Kakyuu saw that. I can go back if I want to, but I don't. I want to stay here." He took Usagi's hands in his, gripping them tightly. "Usagi-chan, I could help you and your guardians protect Earth. I know I'm not _from_ here, but I'm a good soldier and I'm loyal. You know that. I love my princess and I love being Fighter, but I _need_ to be Seiya too. I can't do that there. It's one or the other on Kinmoku, but on Earth I can choose both."

So many feelings swirled within Usagi's body at once, crashing against each other, each gasping for air at the surface. She felt excitement at the prospect of having her dear friend stay on Earth for an extended time. Sadness for the life he left behind. Relief that she would have someone nearby to connect to. She noticed, interestingly enough, a fear that he wouldn't adapt and would return home to Kinmoku. She didn't want to lose her friend again.

"This is a lot, Seiya-kun," she began. She looked down at their hands and gave his a squeeze. "But you're always welcome here. You can stay as long as you like."

Seiya gave a small, almost nervous smile. "That's good. Honestly, I didn't think your friends would let me stay. I guess it helps to know the princess that runs it all."

She let out a very unlady-like, sarcastic snort. "You would _think_ I would get to make the rules around here and run things."

"Why don't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's like with Tenou. I'm sure you respect her opinion, but you don't have to base all your decisions off of how she feels. People can have opinions without it dictating your life or the way you rule your kingdom." Seiya shrugged. "You're the princess around here, right? They answer to you, not the other way around."

"I don't like the idea of them _answering _to me," Usagi said meekly. She respected her friends and wanted them to feel comfortable sharing their opinions with her. She didn't want to be a ruler that didn't listen to her people. "My duty as a princess is to do what's best for them."

"I'm not saying that you should be a dictator that only serves herself." Seiya paused, thinking something over as he unscrewed the cap to his ridiculously overpriced glass bottle of water. "Princess Kakyuu always listened to me. I always felt heard and I knew that even if we didn't see eye-to-eye, she would take my advice into consideration. But at the end of the day, I knew she would do what she thought was right. And I _certainly_ wouldn't have tried to control who she talked to or spent her time with."

"I think your relationship with Princess Kakyuu is a little more formal than my relationship with my senshi," she murmured. "But I see what you're saying."

"You're going to have so many people around you, Usagi-chan, and they're all going to have an opinion on how you should do things. As a queen, you're going to have to learn how to take advice but still listen to yourself above all."

The blonde nodded and closed her eyes. He was right. How could she rule if she did everything that everyone wanted her to do? That would be impossible.

"Why are they so obsessed with Mamoru anyway?"

While Usagi should be getting used to the musician's bluntness, his question caught her off-guard. Hesitantly she answered, "His star seed is the one that guards this planet, remember?"

"So, they're _his_ guardians?" Seiya asked, confused.

"Well, no. They're mine."

"Then why is it so important to them that you two get together? Why does it _have _to be him?"

She stuttered as she tried to be quick with her response, her eyes wide. "I-It doesn't have to be him. I love him, Seiya."

"I know that, Odango. I just don't understand why everyone you know has a hand in your relationship."

Usagi looked intently into Seiya's eyes. She wanted to explain everything, but somehow she knew that he wouldn't take it well.

"They just really care about us."

He was quiet, his eyes never leaving his blonde friend as he considered her answer. Finally he shook his head and said, "No, there's something big that you're not telling me, Odango. I can tell."

"Seiya… There is a certain future that we're working toward," she began, closing her eyes to find the words. How could she possibly explain this concept without sounding like she was insane? How does she explain that she broke the rules of time and saw her own future? That she met and even lived with her 900 year-old daughter who hadn't been born yet?

"All we know is that Mamoru and I, together, make that future happen."

"So are you together because you love each other or because you're trying to make this 'future' happen? What is this future?"

"I love him, Seiya-kun. I truly do."

Seiya looked at Usagi for a long while, making her feel shy and uncertain. He must not have found what he was looking for, because suddenly he turned away from Usagi and shook the black computer mouse on the desk beside the sound panel, waking up a monitor. His dark eyes were trained on the squiggles and curves in front of him.

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. We can get out of here soon. I just have some things to finish up before we go."

"You're upset," Usagi said, trying to get a good look at the man's face. He kept his eyes on the computer screen in front of him.

"I just really hate it when you're not honest with me, Odango. I'm trying not to take it personal, I promise."

"I'm not trying to be dishonest, Seiya. It's just a lot to explain and half of it I don't even understand myself."

"Okay."

"Do… do you want me to leave?" Usagi asked quietly.

Seiya sighed, and though he was trying to be patient, Usagi could clearly hear the annoyance in his voice. "No, I don't want you to leave, Usagi. I really do have some work to do, but it's also so frustrating that you're holding back and I just want a little space so I can stop being mad about it. I'll leave it up to you, though. If you wanna go, I can call Arashi now to take you home."

Wanting to avoid the awkwardness of having him call the driver early, she instead subjected herself to the awkwardness of sitting in the studio while Seiya ignored her. _Great choice, Usagi,_ she chided herself. As Seiya listened to the studio recording on a pair of headphones for another thirty minutes, Usagi idly scrolled through pictures on her phone.

"Okay, I'm ready," he said finally, setting the headphones down and powering off the computer. "Arashi's downstairs. Let's go."

Without a word, Usagi got off the couch and followed him through the door. The walk down the hallway and the ride down the elevator was so silent, Usagi could barely stand it. Seiya watched the tile floor as the elevator slowly descended, and all Usagi could hear was the sound of her own anxious breathing and the too slow beeps of the elevator as it passed each floor.

The ride wasn't any better.

Seiya sat in his seat with his eyes trained on the window. He stared at the passing landscape, his eyes looking thoughtful and a little bit tense. When the car stopped in front of her apartment building and the driver got out to open her door, Seiya turned to her and said, "I'm not mad at you. I'm just annoyed. I feel like you usually tell me everything, and it feels weird to be shut out."

"I told you. It's a lot to explain."

"It just sounds a lot like a political marriage. Is that what's going on?"

Usagi thought about this for a moment. Was it? She'd still be queen of the Moon Kingdom because it was her birthright, but would she be the queen of Crystal Tokyo if she and Mamoru didn't get married? He was Earth's prince, and as far as she knew, Crystal Tokyo was Earth's capitol. But, could Crystal Tokyo even be created without her? Her inner musing was interrupted by the door opening beside her, Arashi waiting for her to exit.

"No, politics don't have anything to do with my feelings," she said with a lowered voice. She believed it, but for some reason, it didn't feel right when she said it.

"Maybe not to you, but it seems like it does to your friends."

Usagi turned to Arashi and asked politely, "Can we have a moment alone, please?" With a quick, professional nod he gently closed the door.

She turned back to the musician and looked at him with tired eyes. "What do you want, Seiya? I don't know what to say."

"Will you promise me something?"

"Depends on what it is."

"I want you to promise me that you won't marry him if you're not really in love with him."

She huffed, her mouth agape as she looked at her very bold, dark-haired friend. "That's a stupid promise, Seiya. And it's rude. I do love him."

"So then it should be an easy promise to make."

"This is so absurd, Seiya. I have things to do," she said as she put her hand on the door handle, ready to make her escape. With pursed lips, she studied his face. His expectant, almost smug look felt like a challenge that she couldn't back down from. With great, exaggerated annoyance, Usagi huffed again and rolled her eyes before conceding.

"Fine, fine," she grumbled. "I promise."

Seiya held out his hand, balled it into a fist, but left his pinky sticking out. "Pinky promise," he said.

"Are you serious?"

"Do I look like I'm joking? Pinky promise, Odango."

She hooked her slender pinky through his, looking him straight in his blue eyes. "I pinky promise that I won't get married if I don't love him."

"No, not if you don't love him. If you're not _in_ love with him."

She wished Seiya wasn't so blunt.

"I pinky promise, and now I have to go," she rushed out, pulling the handle on the door. Arashi tried to open the door the rest of the way to help her, but she was in such a hurry to flee that she almost knocked him over in the process.

As she stomped her way up the stairs to her apartment, she realized that she was carrying a new set of anxieties. Her mind raced, thinking of all the ways her next conversation with Mamoru could go. Would he be angry? Sad? Would he hang up on her? Would he break up with her? The possibilities took her breath away. Her mind refused to show her any kindness, and in the moments that she wasn't thinking of her relationship being destroyed by her friendship with Seiya, she couldn't stop herself from dwelling on the pinky promise she made in the car.

Of course she was in love. She was getting married because she was in love! Serenity and Endymion were madly in love, and so were she and Mamoru.

She calmed herself with a cup of herbal tea before mustering the courage to send Mamoru a message.

**Up for a video chat?**

When she received his quick reply, she sent the request.

"Out of one hard conversation and into the other," she muttered to herself, listening to the sound of the video app ring.

"Usako," Mamoru greeted, seemingly a little surprised.

"Hi Mamo-chan," she replied with a forced smile.

"What's wrong?"

Usagi closed her eyes and gave a soft, shaky sigh. "I talked to Haruka today and I just really wanted to call you and tell you that I'm sorry for not telling you that Seiya was here."

"Okay." He paused for a moment, seeming to gather his thoughts. Sometimes Usagi appreciated that about Mamoru- he would rather take the time to think his words over than speak on pure emotion. Sometimes though, it was nerve-wracking to wait for his response. Finally, he continued with, "I have to ask this: why didn't you tell me in the first place?"

"After the incident with the letters… I didn't want you to be upset or jealous."

He shook his head, the irritation clear on his handsome face. "Not telling me the truth about him being on Earth really doesn't stop me from feeling jealous."

"I know, I know. I'm really sorry, Mamo-chan," she said, bowing her head slightly. "Seiya is my friend and I get very tired of defending our friendship. I didn't know how you would react and I assumed the worst without giving you a chance. It wasn't fair."

"No, it wasn't. It's not okay for you to keep really important things from me like that. It hurts, Usako."

She quickly brushed the tear away from her cheek. "I know. I'm sorry, Mamo-chan."

"Has he hit on you at all?"

Usagi frowned. "Mamo-chan, no. Not at all. That's not what our friendship looks like. He's been a very respectful friend to me. I promise."

"Then why is he here? Is there danger?"

"Oh, well," she hesitated, "I don't think it's my place to explain Seiya's story, Mamo-chan, but from what I gather, he wasn't happy at home and so he's come to earth."

"Is he staying?"

Usagi answered with a simple nod. Mamoru ran his long fingers through his neat, black hair. She realized that she had just added on to his stress. Her fiancé knew her better than most people. He had to know that she would never turn away anyone who wanted to stay on Earth, especially someone who had given so much of themselves for her safety. Finally, he asked, "Haruka said that she heard you two were spending a lot of time together?"

"Yes, that's true. We hang out, Mamo-chan. We eat and talk pretty much."

"What do you two talk about?"

Usagi bit her lip, stopping herself from throwing out an unhelpful retort. _What do you talk to **your** friends_ _about_, she wanted to ask. She thought for a moment. "We talk about school and music... uhm, Kinmoku... videogames, what it's like to be a senshi, food…"

"Do you talk to him about your nightmares?"

She looked shocked for a moment.

"I… n-no," she mumbled. Why was he asking this? "They haven't come up." Her throat felt dry, but she swallowed and added quietly, "I haven't had much of them these days anyway."

Mamoru unclenched his jaw, his body relaxing a bit. She thought of the letters and the sad look in Mamoru's eyes when he asked, "_Why don't you talk to me anymore?_" She had comforted his jealousy for now, but for how long? She didn't want to talk about her nightmares with _anyone_, not even Seiya.

"It was probably really hard for you to call me and apologize. Thank you, Usako. I hope you understand that it's hard for me know that while I'm far away, there's a man there who's also in love with you. Someone who, according to Haruka, _relentlessly_ pursued you while I was gone."

"Mamo-chan, that was different. We were so young! If he knew you back then or even the reality of what had happened to you, I don't think he would have done that."

He nodded, looking down at his desk as he thought this over.

"If he does or says anything inappropriate, I want you to tell me. Don't leave me in the dark."

"Okay."

Mamoru sighed and took a long look at the woman on his screen. Though she looked pretty, she knew that she looked sad and tired. Holding back just enough was draining. Admitting her mistakes was even worse. Thankfully, her prince took pity on her and said with gentleness, "Let's talk about something else for awhile, okay? Tell me about your day."

Usagi wanted to laugh when she realized that her day revolved around Seiya yet again, but held it inside. She was sure to mention that she had gone to a recording studio to see Minako _and_ Seiya record a song together. Mamoru was interested and asked questions, and she could tell that Minako's presence made him feel better about how she spent her day. She was careful not to mention the awkward conversation they had afterward. She definitely didn't mention the pinky promise in the car. After all, that's not what  
Mamoru meant by 'inappropriate', right? _He was rude, but I don't think he was hitting on me_, she thought to herself.

"I'm glad that you're having those fun experiences and spending so much time with your friends," he said with sincerity.

The rest of their conversation was filled with lighthearted small talk, and when she closed her laptop, she was able to breathe out some of the anxiety she had brought home with her. She laid back on her couch and stared up at the ceiling for the longest time, only looking away when she heard the gentle sound of her balcony door sliding open.

"Luna," she greeted, waving her hand. Luna bounced onto the couch and greeted the blonde with a gentle nuzzle to the leg.

"What are you doing, Usagi-chan?"

"Just thinking." She was quiet for a moment before her blue eyes, shining in the darkening living room, looked to the black cat. "What do you think the difference is between loving someone and being in love?"

"Well..." Her large eyes were thoughtful. "You can love anyone and everyone. When you love someone they're like your family. You'll do anything for them and do anything to protect them. No matter how annoying they get, you still care about them. But being in love is different." She cocked her head, her red orbs connecting with Usagi's blue ones. "It's when they're more important than anything else in the universe and you can't live without them. They make you laugh and smile, and they make your heart feel full."

Usagi gave the small feline a knowing smile. "Are you in love with Artemis?"

She swore that Luna was blushing beneath her shiny black coat. "Very much so."

"And do you love me?"

"Sometimes," the cat answered with a grin.

"Oh, Luna," she laughed, picking the cat up and bringing her to her chest.

"Why do you ask, Usagi-chan? I'm sure you know how it feels. You've been in love since you were 14. In fact, I remember a time when I asked you something similar."

She stroked the back of Luna's head and laid her head back, looking up at the ceiling once again. She thought back to being sixteen, sharing kisses with Mamoru in the park that made her feel like she was melting. But even then, as evil loomed over them (as it always did), their relationship took a backseat to saving the world.

Luna's rhythmic purring was comforting. "I know, I was just thinking about something I heard someone say today."

As she and Luna laid together on the couch, snuggling in comfortable silence, Usagi continued to think to herself. She thought of the love she had for the people on Earth, the love she had for her family, and the love she had for her friends. She would do anything for them. She would give her life, and she had many times, if she had to. That was easy to understand.

But when she closed her eyes and tried to picture the person in the universe who she couldn't live without - the one who made her laugh, smile, and made her heart feel full - it wasn't the man she expected.


	13. Chapter 11: Best Friends

CHAPTER 11: Best Friends

"Usagi-chaaan!" Minako's bright voice was loud through the phone. Usagi couldn't stop the amused giggle that escaped her lips. "Hi, Minako-chan," she replied, happy that some things never seemed to change. No matter how absent she was, Minako was always just as warm.

"Do you want to ride with me to the concert tonight? The label gave me a limo to arrive in! Rei, Makoto, and Ami are coming too and we're going to get dinner first. Please say you'll come!"

Usagi looked to her bed and the several outfits she had laid out across the white blankets. Admittedly, Seiya's concert had been on her mind ever since he invited her. Now that the day was here, his presence on Earth felt a lot more real and permanent. But it wasn't just that, she realized. She was dying to hear more of his new songs and so curious to see him perform them. While he had given her a few invitations to return to the recording studio, he _never_ invited her to any of his concert rehearsals. When she'd finally mustered up the courage to ask, with an apologetic frown, he said, "I want everything to be perfect before you see it." Sensing the nervousness in his response, she didn't push. In fact, she felt nervous _for_ him.

"Usaaaagi!" Minako's voice was jarring, but it allowed Usagi's mind to finally loop back to the question that she had been asked.

"Let me think," she murmured, which she knew her friend did not want to hear. She missed her friends, she thought, but something about riding in a limousine without an exit to escape from their nosy questions about Seiya made her feel uneasy. Luckily for them, the hopefulness in Minako's voice and her desire to have dinner with her friends were very persuasive.

"Sure, Minako-chan," she answered with a smile. "What time?"

After they discussed a time and Usagi was able to cast her vote for what kind of pre-concert dinner their group would have, it was time for the pony-tailed blonde to play the waiting game. She checked the clock often, not wanting to get ready too early and sit around all dressed up, but her constant checking made the hours crawl by. Snacks, doodles, and dancing to music didn't really help. When she finally decided it was a decent time to start getting ready, her phone began to ring.

"Hi, Seiya-kun!" She pressed speaker and tossed the phone onto her bed. Picking up a short pink romper, she held it up to her body and looked at herself in the mirror as she told him, "I'm surprised you called me! I bet you're really busy today." She threw the garment back onto the bed. Too bright.

"I am. It's definitely been a long day." He let out a long, tired sigh. "I think I put too much on my schedule today. But anyway, do you need a ride to the show? I'm already at the venue, but Arashi can come pick you up."

She smiled at the offer, but answered with, "No thanks, Seiya-kun." She laid a jacket over a black dress on her bed and took a step back, giving the outfit a good look. "Minako-chan is coming to get me. Do you want to join us for dinner?"

"I wish I could, but I have soundcheck in a few minutes and then some interviews lined up. I'll be busy pretty much until show time."

"Ohh, wow. That sounds... stressful," Usagi said, looking down at the phone with concern. Seiya didn't respond, but she could hear his breathing.

"Seiya, are you okay?"

His "yes" was so quiet that she barely heard it.

"Are you nervous?"

His reply was quiet. "Yeah. This is really new for me."

"Is it? You're such a great singer, Seiya-kun, and your new music is really good! I know everyone's going to love it." She lowered her voice and gave a playful whisper, "It's better than the stuff that The Three Lights did."

He gave a soft laugh that made her smile. "Besides, you've done hundreds of performances before, haven't you?"

"Well, yeah…"

"Then I know you'll be fine! Just pretend like Yaten-kun and Taiki-kun are with you."

She heard his wistful sigh, and she could tell that he missed the other Starlights more than he let on. She closed her eyes and tried to picture how vulnerable he probably looked at that moment. He wasn't just performing without his friends for the first time. This was also the first time he was performing without the motivation of a mission behind him. He wasn't looking for his princess. This was just Seiya, his creativity, and his voice. Usagi glanced at the incense burner on her night stand.

"I'm sorry that they can't be here, Seiya-kun. I know you really miss them. I know if they were here, they'd be cheering you on." With a small small, she added gently, "If it's any consolation, I'll be there for you."

"I know you will, Usagi-chan. I don't think I'd be able to do this if you weren't there," he admitted.

"I'll always be there to cheer you on," she said brightly.

Seiya paused for some time before he asked in an uncertain voice, "Can I ask you for a favor?"

"Anything," she said, moving clothes to the side and sitting down on the bed.

"Will you stand where I can see you? In case I get nervous?"

A feeling Usagi couldn't identify washed over her. Her heart felt light and she felt tears welling in her eyes.

"Of course, Seiya. You can count on me."

A big sigh of relief came from the musician's lips, but he didn't speak. With a smile, Usagi asked, "Feeling better?"

"Yeah, a lot better. You're just what a needed."

With a newfound excitement in her belly, Usagi and Seiya said their goodbyes and the blonde quickly got back to getting ready for the night. She carefully styled her hair into her signature style and slipped on the outfit she had settled on. Spritzing a bit of perfume onto her neck, she stood in front of the mirror, giving herself a look. The black dress had a heart-shaped neckline that showed off the smooth skin on her collarbone and a hemline that stopped just above her knees. With a denim jacket over her shoulders, she bent down to zip up her black suede booties just as her phone began to ring.

"We're here!" Came the voices of her friends through Minako's phone.

"I'll be down in a minute," she said. She leaned over her vanity and scribbled a quick note before rolling it up and popping it into the red incense burner. Gently, she touched her fingers to her broach - laid open on her nightstand, the silver crystal exposed and shimmering - and closed her eyes. When she was sure her message had been sent, she quickly closed the broach with a click and pinned it to her jacket.

The message, which she imagined would be opened by a silver-haired sailor guardian clad in black, read:

_Tonight is Seiya's first show. If you can talk to him, please wish him luck. He misses you._

The ride in the limousine wasn't as intimidating as Usagi had expected it to be. As she looked around, amazed at how beautiful all of her friends looked, she realized that she couldn't remember the last time they all got together for a night of fun. A thought like that would usually make her feel guilty (and maybe it did just a bit), but she found that she could focus more on being grateful for the time they did have instead of regretting the time that they didn't. As the girls crowded around a table at one of their favorite noodle spots, Usagi hoped that they could have more nights like these.

"I'm so excited to hear the new song live, Minako-chan! I heard the demo you sent, but I bet it's nothing like hearing it in person," Makoto said between bites of soba noodles.

Minako sighed a happy, dreamy sigh. The new song was such a great opportunity for her to get her name out there. "It's such a beautiful song, guys. He's so creative and talented, but he let me put my own touch on the song. Recording it was just so cool." Minako didn't eat much of her meal, but instead sipped from a cup of hot tea. "Usagi, you were there. What do you think of the new song?"

"Oh, I-uh," she stuttered, feeling put on the spot. "It's really beautiful. It was amazing to see it come to life after just hearing it in bits and pieces up until then." Usagi closed her eyes, briefly thinking of the first time she heard the chords from Seiya's guitar in her living room. "I think you made it extra special, Minako-chan."

Minako beamed with happiness. "Thank you, Usagi-chan!"

When the girls arrived at the venue in their limousine after dinner, they felt like real celebrities. As their group was escorted backstage by a large security guard, Usagi took in all the sights, sounds, and smells of the packed venue, and felt buzzed off of the energy of it all. When she peered out over the ledge, she could see the crowd full of women, chattering loudly under the dim lighting. Her friends watched as well, excitedly pointing out a popular soap actor and some well-known musicians drinking cocktails on a closed-off balcony. Usagi tried to follow her friend's conversations, but as she fidgeted with the zipper on her clutch, she could only wonder where Seiya was. Was he nervous? Did he need anyone to talk to? Was he able to find time to himself?

She blamed it on anticipation for the upcoming performance, but when she saw Seiya's figure emerge from a room backstage, she felt her heart beat a little faster. Her eyes scanned him up and down, taking in how Seiya now looked more like a rock star than a member of a teenage pop group. The man wore tight, black jeans with fashionable rips at the knees, a red t-shirt, a black blazer, and a thin black choker around his neck. His bangs were perfectly styled, and the rest of his hair hung down his back.

"Wow, this is a look!" Minako whistled, her hands on her hips. Seiya laughed, a bit of pink tinting his cheek.

"A good look, I hope," he said with a smile. Usagi could see the question in his gaze. _Do I look okay?_

"You look amazing, Seiya!" Rei called out.

Seiya gave each of Usagi's friends a hug before finally getting to her.

"Thank you," he murmured into her ear, giving her a tight squeeze. She held back the shiver she felt when his lips touched her ear.

"Of course. I wouldn't miss this for anything," she said, holding on to him tightly. He felt warm and smelled good, like a mixture of amber and the olive-scented incense in her bedroom.

"Not just for being here. Thank you for talking to Yaten." With a quick turn of his head, he pressed a small kiss to her cheek. It was so quick that one would have missed it if they blinked. She glanced over at her friends, and from their crossed conversations about the large crowd and the VIP guests, she assumed that they missed it.

Still feeling the warmth on her cheek, she watched him as she stood at the edge of the backstage area. His breathing was deep as he gave his limbs large, deliberate shakes. She smiled, wondering if he was shaking the jitters away. At that moment, he looked over his shoulders and met her eyes. Her answer was a raised eyebrow. He pointed to the spot that he was standing on. When she craned her neck, she could see what he meant. It was out of the view of the crowd, but in full view of the stage. The lights turned off and the crowd began to scream in anticipation. Moments later, the stage lights turned on and Seiya walked onto the stage, meeting the loud cheers and clapping of the audience.

"Let's move closer, " Usagi yelled, taking Minako's arm and pulling her to stand closer. She was no longer in the dark as the bright light from the stage spilled into that space, illuminating her. As she looked out onto the stage, she was enamored with how the colored lights danced off of the fog that seeped slowly from machines in front of the stage. When the music began, it shocked her how much she could feel it. The drums vibrated throughout her body like a second heartbeat. The way the crowd cheered and waved glowing, multi-colored lights made her feel like she was almost bursting with excitement. She couldn't imagine what it was like for Seiya, to experience the crowd and know that they were there for him.

After a few songs, the band paused to take in the applause and let the singer speak. Seiya, with a foot on the speaker in front of him, looked over the crowd with awe. Usagi couldn't stop herself from beaming at the singer as he stood there, sweating, panting, and grinning from ear to ear. His eyes glanced to the side of the stage as he lifted the microphone to his lips.

"Tonight I'm going to play my newest single," he began, interrupted by the screams of the women in the crowd. "But to do that, I want to invite a good friend of mine to the stage. Aino Minako, everyone!"

When he invited the blonde to the stage, Usagi was sure that Minako was glowing. Sure, she was decorated with dabs of highlighter and glitter in her hair, but the way she beamed with pride as she waved at the crowd made Usagi feel so happy for her. The pair sang to each other passionately, using their eyes and hands just as much as they used their voices. Usagi found herself closing her lids and swaying to the music, thinking back to watching them record it in the studio.

"Did Seiya ever tell you who this song is about?" Rei yelled into Usagi's ear, her breath hot against her neck. When she opened her eyes, she noticed the way that Rei's hat created a shadow in the dim lighting, concealing her purple eyes. She knew what Rei was thinking, but she shook her head. It didn't make sense, really. When she closed her eyes, this sad song brought an image of Mamoru to her mind, but she quickly brushed that thought away.

Rei nodded, but didn't say another word. Grateful, Usagi kept her attention on the musician the stage and the words that flowed from his lips. He sang about friends who made him feel like he was home, traveling, and family. Some of them made her dance. The darker ones, about hurting souls and lost friends, made her want to cry. The part of it all that made her want to weep the most was when she realized how much of himself he put into his songs. She wasn't ready for it to end.

When the music stopped and the stage lights were cut off, leaving it in total darkness, Seiya left the stage in a rush.

"That was amazing!" Makoto praised. He breathed out grateful thank yous, and then with his eyes on Usagi he said, "There's an after party across the street. I'll meet you there."

As Seiya disappeared down the hallway to freshen up, the girls left the hot and humid venue, breathing in the fresh night air as they crossed the street. With one look at Minako, the bouncer didn't bother checking the girls' names against his guest list, and simply let them inside.

"Did you see that, Minako-chan? You're famous!" Usagi gasped out.

After stopping by the bar and ordering drinks, the girls found a corner where they could observe the entire room. With excited eyes and hushed voices, the girls took in the crowd of musicians, actors, and other celebrities they never thought they would be in the same room with.

Rei was the boldest of them all, and after striking up a conversation with the young and handsome soap star she had spied on the balcony before the show, their groups intertwined with another. As Usagi tried to follow a conversation about the newest episode of a drama she had never seen, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked back as Seiya leaned in and asked quietly, "Can we go outside and talk for a minute?"

She nodded, quietly slipping away from the group and following him to the doorway. She knew that she was being watched by violet eyes, but she would deal with that when she had to. When Seiya opened the door to the empty smoking patio, Usagi smiled, enjoying the feel of the cool air on her skin.

"You did an amazing job, Seiya," she gushed. "I'm so proud of you."

"That means so much to me, Odango." He smiled, and for the first time that day, he looked relieved. "Thank you so much for being here. I really couldn't have done anything of this without you."

"Of course I'm here. I'm your friend."

"It's not just tonight though. You've been such a supportive friend to me throughout this whole thing." When he rubbed the back of his neck, Usagi detected nerves from him.

"I believe in you, Seiya. I'm always here to support you."

Seiya reached into the pocket of his blazer and pulled out a small, thin box.

"I don't want you to think too much into this or anything. It's a friendly gift," he said reassuringly, handing it over. "I just really wanted to thank you."

Usagi took the box in her hands, giving it a once over before taking the lid off and spotting the simple yet elegant necklace inside. At the end of a thin, silver chain was a charm. The charm, a silhouette of a running rabbit, was smooth and glimmered in the incandescent light of the outdoor patio.

"This is so pretty, Seiya-kun!" She gasped out, pulling it out of the box and letting it hang from her hand. She stared at it for a long time before she finally said, "I can't accept this. This looks expensive."

"No, please. It's the least I can do after all of the kindness you've shown me."

Usagi smiled softly. She wasn't sure if it was his assurance that it was a platonic gift or the drink she had just set down, but it didn't take much for her to give in. With a nod and a smile she said, "Sure. This is such a thoughtful gift, Seiya-kun. Thank you."

"Do you need help putting it on?" He asked hopefully.

She simply nodded and held the chain out to him. Careful to avoid her long ponytails, he slipped the necklace around her throat, his nimble fingers clasping the chain. Stepping back to where he stood before, Seiya smiled as he looked at her. "It goes perfectly with your outfit," he said, admiring how the charm fell just above the heart-shaped neckline of her dress. When the patio door opened, Seiya took her hand and guided her out of the way, making room for a loud group as they found a spot to stand and light up their cigarettes. A girl with short, platinum-blonde hair and an arm covered in colorful tattoos looked over with a broad smile.

"Hey, Seiya-san," she called out. "Great concert!" She held up the black camera that hung around her neck with a questioning glance. "Can I take a picture of you and your girlfriend? I'm doing a photo story for Radio Star's online blog."

"Oh," the pair stuttered, looking at each other.

"She's not-" "I'm not-"

Usagi blushed when Seiya draped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close.

"She's my best friend, not my girlfriend, but I'd love a picture."

The photographer chuckled with amusement as she held the camera to her eyes to snap a photo. After the shutter clicked, the photographer leaned back and looked at the photo on her screen.

"It looks great," she began. "I know you say you're just friends, but you look good together." Her playful wink drew an even deeper blush from Usagi, and she was grateful when Seiya moved away from her to take a look at the picture on the small view screen. He and the photographer began to talk about the story she was working on when the patio door opened, and Usagi's friends walked through.

"What are you all up to out here?" Rei asked, trying to play casual.

"Just talking and making new friends," Usagi said, gesturing to the photographer. She leaned toward Rei and spoke in a hushed voice, "I just want to remind you that you promised to lay off."

"I am laying off, Usagi. I said I wouldn't bug him, I didn't say I wouldn't be watching him."

Usagi rolled her eyes at her friend. Before she could argue, the photographer interrupted by asking, "Can I get a picture with all of you girls?"

Distracted, they all squeezed into the frame, smiling with drinks in their hand. Seiya quickly joined them, grinning as he stood by Minako. When the photo was done and the girls got back to talking, laughing, and drinking, Usagi was grateful that Rei stuck to her word. Though she felt like purple eyes followed her wherever she wandered, Rei never asked any embarrassing questions or said anything rude.

When Usagi was dropped off at her apartment at one o'clock in the morning, she gladly let Rei, Makoto, and Minako walk her to her door. Ami-chan had by taxi left long ago, explaining that she had an early morning. The girls spilled out of the black limousine, giggling and shushing each other as they stumbled up the steps up the apartment building.

"You guys can sleep here," she offered, leaning her head against the door frame. Her stomach was a little queasy and the ground wasn't as steady as she remembered it being.

"I can't. Gramps has an appointment in the morning I need to take him to," Rei said sadly.

"I have to go in to the bistro early and prep ingredients, I'm sorry," Makoto said with a frown.

She felt disappointed. She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the fun she had that night, but she wasn't ready to be alone.

Minako, visibly more drunk than Usagi, stumbled a bit before steadying herself on the wall. With an eye half closed, she murmured, "I... I will take you up on that."

She looked to Makoto and Rei and managed to slur out, "Just tell the driver I'm staying here and bye and to take you home and that he's a really good person." With muffled laughter, Usagi said goodnight to her other friends and ushered the drunk singer into her apartment. Minako, her dress shimmering and covered in sequins, threw herself onto the soft couch with a loud thump as her more sober friend headed for the kitchen.

"Here, drink some water, Minako-chan," Usagi said, coming back to the living room with two full glasses. When she saw the young woman, snoring on the couch in tall stilettos, she couldn't help but smile. After taking a moment to pull the strappy shoes off of Minako's pedicured feet and cover her with a blanket, Usagi sipped from her own water and sat down on the floor. Not ready to sleep, she opened the laptop that lay on her coffee table.

Moments later, her computer chimed. She accepted the video call and waited patiently for the picture to become clear.

Mamoru was on the other side. His hair looked rather disheveled, and he was dressed casually in a sweatshirt with his school's logo on the front. From the tired look in his blue eyes, Usagi could tell that he just woke up. She thought of how boyish he looked when he slept, and suddenly missed waking up with him.

"You're up late," Mamoru said, glancing at the time.

"I just got in. What time is it there?" Usagi asked, her brain just a bit too tired to do the math.

"Past eight in the morning." A curious look came across his face. "You look really nice, Usako. Is that necklace new?"

Usagi forced a smile and nodded. She knew what the right thing to say was, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. How could she explain that this beautiful gift was only a token of friendship? She said simply, "_Hai_. I got it today."

Mamoru smiled, "It suits you. Where did you go tonight?"

"Seiya's first concert was tonight. It was so much fun, Mamo-chan. He and Minako performed _'Goodbye' _together, and then there was a big party afterward to celebrate." Her words weren't slurred, but she was finding it harder to keep her head up. She leaned forward, resting her chin in her hand.

"I can tell you had a lot of fun," he said. Usagi wasn't sure if there was a criticism in that statement, but she was too tipsy to analyze it. Suddenly, his nose was almost to the screen and he was laughing. "Is that Minako? It looks like she had fun too," he said, his voice lightening up. She looked behind her, realizing that her sleeping form was in the view of the camera.

"When she wakes up, tell her I said congratulations. You should send me a video of the performance if you can find one," he said. "And tell Seiya congratulations as well."

She gave him a small, grateful smile. "They'll be happy to hear from you."

"I'm really glad I caught you because I have some things we need to talk about. If you haven't had too much to drink, we need to make some decisions about coming to America."

This information caught Usagi off-guard. With raised eyebrows, she asked, "Oh?" Anxiety tugged at her stomach.

"I had a meeting yesterday with the Foreign Student Advisor, and there really isn't any way for you to live here until we get married," Mamoru said.

Usagi nodded slowly, suddenly feeling unprepared for this conversation. Maybe she was too drunk for this. "I see. So… what do you want to do?"

"If we get married this summer you might be able to be here by the time school starts again in the fall."

Cerulean eyes opened wide. "Summer? That's just a few months away."

"I know, Usako, but the longer we wait, the longer we're going to be separated." He gave her a questioning look. She knew this wasn't like her. Tsukino Usagi _loved_ being in love and wanted more than anything to be a bride. Her hesitation was surprising even to herself.

_I want you to promise me that you won't marry him if you're not in_ _love_, a voice said.

_No, that's not it,_ she told herself._ That's not why I'm holding back._

"Mamo-chan, I've always wanted a big wedding and that's not enough time to plan _any _wedding," she pointed out. "Besides, with how crazy your school load has been, do you really think it's a good idea for me to be there? I'm not going to distract you?"

Mamoru considered her words quietly as he looked to a pile of textbooks on his right. Finally he asked, "So if not this summer, what date do you have in mind?"

"I.. uh.. How long does the visa process take?"

Mamoru looked down at notes he had written. "A few weeks. Months, maybe. Our case isn't complicated."

Usagi sighed heavily. "I don't think my English is good enough to go to college there. I don't know, Mamo-chan. I'm really wondering if it's best to wait until after I graduate."

She watched his face, but was unable to read what he was feeling. It was a shock to her when he began to nod and said, "I think you have a good point, Usako. If you're that serious about school, it might be best for you to finish in Japan."

She wanted to celebrate, but didn't quite know why.

"I'll be back this summer, and after that maybe you can visit me here," he said. She expected him to sound more disappointed, but he actually sounded relieved.

"And in the meantime I can work on my English," she said with a small smile.

"I'd like us to still settle on a date," he said, his voice persistent. Mamoru liked to plan ahead, and this wasn't any different. He needed order and certainty. She knew he wouldn't let it go, so she bit her lip in thought and then quickly offered, "How about next June?"

"Next year?"

Usagi nodded seriously. "Yes."

"I thought you wanted to get married sooner than that."

"I do, but... is there really a rush, Mamo-chan? I miss you so much, but we're going to be together for the rest of our very, _very_ long lives." She smiled gently. "I think I can wait a year knowing I'll be spending at least the next couple _thousand_ with you."

With a smile, Mamoru said, "I do like the sound of that."

There was a comfortable silence as they sat in their shared relief. She glanced behind her just to be sure that Minako was still sleeping soundly, and then she asked, "Mamo-chan? Do you ever feel nervous about the future? Like, worried about messing it up?"

Usagi watched the initial surprise melt away from his face, and then his eyes lowered as he considered what she had said.

"Our situation is very unique, Usako. We've had the opportunity to see what the future looks like. It's been a blessing and a curse, hasn't it?"

"It has. On one hand I feel like we got some reassurance that in the end everything will be okay." She sighed softly, her voice growing small as she added, "But there's a lot of pressure to do things right in the meantime. We didn't get any directions on what to do."

"I feel it too, Usako. It's terrifying sometimes, but I know that we can do it together. We've seen it."

Mamoru turned at the knock on his door. The voice was far from the computer and Usagi's English wasn't the greatest, but she understood that the man was asking Mamoru if he wanted to go to breakfast.

"Oh, I'm-" Mamoru looked to Usagi who smiled tiredly into the camera.

"It's time for me to go to bed anyway. Enjoy your breakfast, Mamo-chan."

When Usagi lay in bed alone, looking up at the ceiling and running her thumb across the silver rabbit on her necklace, she thought about her video call with Mamoru. He seemed happy that she opened up to him. She was happy as well, but moreso, she felt relieved. Mamoru shared some of the pressure she felt. Maybe that bond would bring them closer to together. She sighed, hoping that was the case. When she closed her eyes, she pictured her small pinky finger intertwined with Seiya's.

It wasn't political. It's what she wanted. She wanted to be with Endymion for the rest of her life, raising their daughter together, faking sick to get out of formal banquets, and ruling their kingdom side-by-side. She imagined a towering crystalline structure, gleaming in the sunlight. From the top of that structure, so far up it nearly touched the clouds, Serenity watched the world below. Everything moved so quickly, but she stayed still, ageless, watching but not taking part.

Usagi sighed, shaking the vision away and sat up to take her necklace off. She set it down on her bedside table and then laid down on her side, closing her eyes. She was grateful that as she began to drift off to sleep, her mind wasn't preoccupied with Crystal Tokyo, but instead she heard the soothing sound of Seiya's voice, singing a song about feeling safe and at home. Her pleasant dreams brought her into the next morning, where instead of being woken up by the buzzing of her phone, the feel of a human body jumping onto her bed brought her out of her sleep.

"Usagi-chan!" Minako teased, lying on the empty side of the bed. Tired, groggy, and hungover, Usagi reached blindly, her fingers stretching and searching for the woman beside her.

"Buzz off," she groaned, trying to push Minako off of her bed.

"Nope, I can't," she said loudly. Usagi opened her eyes, blinking against the brightness of the sun filtering through her window. Minako's hair was wild and disheveled, but the frizz glowed in the light, making it look like she had a halo around her. Her eyes were accentuated by smudged eyeliner and running mascara. Her lipstick clung to her lips in patches. If she were a meaner friend, she'd let Minako know that she looked terrible.

"I need you to see how famous you are." She held her phone into Usagi's face. She squinted at the phone and then rolled her eyes, saying flatly, "It says you have no battery and it's shutting off."

"Ugh, typical," Minako grumbled. Usagi unlocked her own fully-charged phone and handed it to her friend. It took her a minute to find the website she was looking for before tossing the phone onto Usagi's stomach.

"I'm going to shower while you look at that. You look _so_ cute!" Minako said with glee as she climbed off of the bed and made her way to the bathroom.

"The towels are in the closet," she called out as she read the top of the page, sitting up against the pillows.

_KOU SEIYA CONCERT & AFTER-PARTY IN PICTURES_

_CLICK HERE TO START  
_

The sound of the shower running filled the room as Usagi scrolled through photos from last night. It was a bit surreal to see something that she had experienced already on the internet. The first few photos were of him singing and playing guitar on stage. Usagi smiled to herself, recalling the first moment he stepped out in his new look. She noted the passion in his eyes when he sang, and the way his hair clung to his skin in the later shots.

After the photos of Seiya on stage, she got to the one that Minako must have been talking about. She recognized it as the photo that the photographer took of them shortly after she was given the necklace. Seiya's smile was so wide that it made her happy just to see it. With an arm draped over Usagi's shoulders, he looked into the lens with shining eyes. Her face was frozen into a shy laugh, and just as she'd feared, her cheeks were obviously flushed. As she squinted a bit, looking at the rabbit on her neck, she realized that Seiya was right. It did look good with her outfit. She glanced at the chain sitting on her nightstand and decided that she loved it.

She wasn't sure how long she stared at the photo for, enjoying the memory of that moment and that night. When Minako emerged from the bathroom, damp and refreshed, Usagi saved the photo and set her phone aside. She had such a great day with her dear friend, lounging in sweatpants and listening to music together. But sometimes when her friend wasn't looking, when she was really missing the sound of Seiya's voice or the warmth of his company, she would pick up her phone and peek at the picture.

It was a small thing, but it made her heart feel so full.


	14. Chapter 12: Impulse

Surprise! Two in one day! I hope you all are doing well, feeling healthy, and staying sane. Thank you for reading and giving me something to do during this time! Much love to you all.

xo Amethyst

* * *

CHAPTER 12: Impulse

Usagi closed her eyes and leaned down to rest her hands on her knees, trying her best to suck air into her lungs. They felt tight, and no matter how hard she gasped, she felt like she couldn't fill them all the way. She swallowed, her throat dry and burning.

_Is this it_?

_Is this how I'm going to die?_

"Come on, don't be a baby, Usagi," a voice told her. She looked up into the light, spring green eyes of the young man in front of her. He jogged in place as he watched her, his face flushed and his dark blonde hair damp with sweat.

"My kneecaps are shaking, Shing."

"Are you really that out of shape?" He asked, an eyebrow raised. Usagi knew her face was red and that her coral tank top was drenched after two miles of trying to keep up with her brother. Everything felt too clingy. Her shirt stuck to her skin and her bangs were sticking to her forehead. She envied Shingo who, with the exception of a circle of sweat on the back of his deep green T-shirt, didn't seem to be struggling at all. He even had the forethought to wear a headband, keeping his mop of thick hair from getting into his face. He clearly did this a lot.

"It's been awhile since I've been on a run," she said, finally standing tall. That was an understatement. She couldn't remember the last time Mamoru got her to run with him. Her feet ached a little in her white sneakers. "I didn't even want to come on this one."

"You need to push through it, Usagi," he said, turning on his heel and beginning to run again. She let out a loud, annoyed sigh, and then pushed off with her foot to catch up. She was grateful that he slowed his pace down for her. The two jogged beside each other, and for awhile the only sounds that Usagi could hear were the rhythmic tapping of shoes hitting the pavement and their labored breathing.

"I saw your picture in an article," Shingo said suddenly.

Usagi laughed. So that's what this spontaneous run was about. She did think it was strange that her brother called her out of the blue to spend time together. He was usually busy with school, sports, or his friends. Even if he wasn't, that was not the kind of relationship they had. She wondered for a moment if that was her fault. If she wasn't so busy being a sailor guardian or trying to squeeze kisses out of Mamo-chan, would she have had more time to get to know her little brother?

"The picture from Seiya's concert?" She asked, but that was the only one she knew of. She thought of the picture- now printed, framed, and displayed on her bookshelf among others.

"Yeah, that one. You're hanging out with him again?"

"Yep," she answered shortly, steeling herself for yet another conversation where she would have to explain their friendship. This was surprising, though. Shingo wasn't usually one to meddle.

"Where has he been this whole time? He kind of disappeared for awhile."

"He just wanted to get away from it all. Being that famous while in high school wasn't easy for him," she lied. Though she heard Seiya use this excuse many times during recent interviews, the thought made her want to laugh. It was obvious to her that he enjoyed being famous.

"Have you two been talking this whole time?"

Usagi huffed and asked, "Shingo, what are you getting at?"

"Don't be so defensive, Usagi. I'm just talking."

Rather than answer, she focused on her breathing. Two breaths in through her nose. Two breaths out through her lips.

"You're my sister, Usagi-chan. If he makes you happy, then that's all that matters. I know that you've been going through a lot, and I've been trying to give you your space, but I want you to know that I care."

Usagi scrunched her nose, looking at him with an almost horrified expression.

"What?! What are you talking about?!"

"You've been really sad lately. Everyone's noticed, but you seem like you've been getting better."

She watched him as he jogged beside her and really took in how much he'd grown over the last few years. He was much taller than she was now, by two heads at least. After years of playing team sports like soccer and basketball, he was fit and athletic. He was popular just like he was when he was a kid, and sometimes at dinner their mom would ask him about girls that had been by the house to see him. Sometimes she forgot that he wasn't the ten-year-old brat who used to tease her when she failed her tests.

"It's a lot to explain," she said finally, the bouncing making her words come out rough and jagged. _I should just get that printed on a_ sign, she thought to herself.

"I know there's a lot of stuff that I can't understand about you. Was it because of things that happened when you were Sailor Moon?"

At that moment, the tip of Usagi's sneaker connected with the edge of an uneven sidewalk. She fell forward, but Shingo was quick to turn and catch her. She gripped his arms tightly, red-faced and panting heavily before asking, "What?"

"You don't have to pretend, Usagi. I know you're Sailor Moon."

"I, what? What are you talking about?"

"I've always known."

She suddenly felt nausea sloshing around in her stomach. She clenched her hands around Shingo's arms, willing the bile to stay down. Her heart was pounding so loudly that she could barely hear her loud, strained breathing. With no energy to defend herself, she asked through a labored puff of air, "How?"

Shingo shrugged. "You were always sneaking out, and Sailor Moon only saved the world when you weren't around. Besides, who else would wear a hairstyle that stupid besides you."

"Shut up," she grumbled, pinching Shingo's arm before backing away. As she looked out onto the lake, her eyes focused on the reflection of the sunlight on the greenish water. She felt tears welling in her eyes.

"Do mom and dad know?" She asked, unable to look at him.

Her brother shook his head. "I don't think so. I don't think they ever noticed you sneaking out and I never said anything." He reached forward and rested his hand on her shoulder. "Don't cry, Usagi. I won't tell anyone. I promise."

The two were silent, with Usagi looking at the scenery as her brother looked at her. She felt stupid. She thought that she had been so careful and fooled her family, but here she was finding out that she was wrong. What if Shingo had done something dangerous like followed her into a fight? What if an enemy had tortured him for information about her?

"I know that I can't really understand what that's like," he began. "But if there's someone out there who can make it easier for you, I'm happy for you. I don't care if it's Mamoru or whoever, just as long as you're happy."

"Woah, hold on. Shingo, you're getting the wrong idea. Seiya and I are just friends."

Shingo shrugged. "You seem like you really like him, and he's always really liked you."

"Don't you like Mamoru?"

"Yeah, of course I do. I think he was good for you for awhile. Honestly though? I just feel like the age difference was a little weird. I'm 17 and I can't imagine dating a 14-year-old."

She shot her brother a glare. "It's just three years," she argued.

"Which is fine _now_, but when you're in high school it's weird to date someone in middle school! And he's just really serious all the time. You guys are so different, I don't understand what you see in each other or how you even get along." Shingo shrugged.

Usagi wanted to defend Mamoru, but she didn't know where to start. She didn't find their age difference weird, but it certainly complicated things. She knew she was immature when they met, and that Mamoru didn't like that about her at first. When did he start to accept her? Was it when he found out that she was the princess he was looking for? Had he _ever_ accepted her fully, or was he just waiting for Princess Serenity to emerge? She pictured herself on the moon, standing face to face with Princess Serenity. Sure, they looked alike, but would they even like each other? Were they one and the same?

She turned to Shingo and asked a question that she had been afraid to ask for months.

"What do mom and dad think?"

He sighed. "They think it's time for you to come home. Dad is annoyed that you're just living by yourself while Mamoru is out of the country. Mom told me to ask you to come home today, but I'm not going to. I know you're going to say no."

"Well, you're right about that."

"Is he still nice to you?"

"Of course, Shingo."

"Are you guys okay?"

She sighed and placed her hands on her narrow hips. She looked down at her legs, noticing that the sunlight made her neon-hued leggings seem a little too bright.

"I don't know, Shingo. It's been weird between us for awhile."

"Does he know that you're…" Shingo paused for a moment, watching a runner zoom by before he finished in a whisper, "Sailor Moon."

"Yeah, he does. It's not that. It's a lot of things, Shingo. I can't go into it all."

"I don't want to make you talk about now. Just be nice to yourself, Usagi. Don't make yourself crazy trying to make something work if it's not working."

"When did you become so wise?" Usagi asked, giving her little brother a suspicious glance. He laughed, his response a joking one, but it hurt her all the same, "Try spending a little more time with me. You'd be surprised."

She avoided his eyes and looked down at her watch. Surprised, she said quickly, "Shingo, we have to get back so I can get ready for class."

"Alright. We'll do this in intervals. Jog for two minutes and then sprint for one minute. We'll keep doing that until we get back to your place."

"No," she groaned, feeling the tears welling in her eyes again.

When she arrived at her apartment, panting and on the verge of puking, she laid down on her cool, kitchen floor and took deep breaths.

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" Shingo asked, now covered in a layer of sweat. He stepped over Usagi to fill a glass with water.

"You do that every day?" Usagi asked with a strained voice.

"Yeah. I was actually going to do a long run today, but I didn't sleep that well last night."

"Well, thank God for that," she mumbled. She sat up and moved on shaky legs to get her own glass of water.

"Thanks for coming with me. It was fun," he said with a smile that made her feel guilty for not spending enough time with him.

"We can do this again sometime, but can we skip the sprints?" She asked.

Shingo laughed and shook his head. As he reached the door, his green eyes lit up, as if he'd just remembered something.

"Hey, I want to ask you about this weird dream I had."

"Uh huh."

"Well, in my dream, we were kids... errm, I guess, I was a kid. There was this little girl who lived with us with pink hair." As Shingo spoke, his eyes looked dreamy and far off, concentrating on recalling the details. "She did her hair kinda like yours, actually. In my dream she lived with us. I'm pretty sure she was our cousin, and she lived in the attic." He laughed at himself and shook his head, "I know it sounds lame, but it felt so real."

Her blue eyes were wide as she tried to understand why he couldn't remember the little girl in his dream. Was it Chibiusa's magic that made him forget, or was it something else?

"I asked mom about her but she didn't know who I was talking about. She said we only have one cousin, and _he_ has never lived with us before." He looked really pensive, and maybe a bit confused. "Does that sound like anyone you know? Maybe she was a friend of yours and she just showed up in my dream."

Usagi smiled sadly. "I used to take care of a little girl like that. That's probably who you're thinking of."

"Oh, like babysit?" Shingo sighed through his nose. "Weird. You'd think I could remember her."

"It was brief," she lied. She wondered if she would ever have to stop lying.

"Oh. What was her name?"

"Her name was Chibiusa." She tried her hardest not to cry.

"Hm," Shingo looked down as he searched his brain. Finally, he shrugged and turned the door handle. "I'll see you later, Usagi. Good luck on your exam!"

"Shingo?"

He paused, eyebrows raised.

"I'm glad you told me that you know," she said with a small smile. "We can't talk about it now, but we will. I promise."

He returned the smile and gave a short nod before closing the door behind him.

When Shingo was gone, Usagi was left with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Unfortunately, she didn't have much time to stand there and dwell on it. But when she got to class and sat down to do her first exam of the week, she couldn't think of anything but the forgotten pink-haired child in her brother's dream.

The rest of Usagi's week was a blur of tests and turning in last minute projects that she didn't feel 100% confident about, but when the weekend came and she had no school work left to do, she felt a huge weight lift from her best. Bragging to Mamoru about being finished made her feel a little bad since the busy medical student was on an American school schedule and still had a few months left of deadlines and papers. Through the camera lens, Usagi could see that his usually clear blue gaze was thick with stress and thoughts of things he should have been doing instead of talking to her. His conversations were short and distracted, and his typically neat desk was covered in papers, sticky notes, and index cards.

Seiya, on the other hand, shared her relief. After his comeback concert, the singer had experienced a whirlwind week of TV appearances, radio interviews, photo shoots, recording sessions, and rehearsals. Even though sometimes his voice was tired and a little hoarse from talking so much, she could tell that he enjoyed being busy. The attention fueled him.

To celebrate making it through the week, the pair sat on Usagi's floor, drinking glasses of chilled white wine and eating the cheesiest pizza they could order.

"Wait, so he just spilled that he knew all along? And that was it?"

"Yeah, he told me not to worry about explaining it, and that he knew."

"That's insane," Seiya murmured, pouring a second helping of white wine into his glass. Before taking a sip of the sweet liquid, he asked, "How does that make you feel?"

Usagi furrowed her eyebrows and thought hard for a moment. After carefully deciding which slice of extra extra _extra _cheese and pepperoni pizza she wanted, she answered, "Relieved now, I think." A little embarrassed, she added, "When he told me I cried. It was a little overwhelming, and scary to think that I had been so careless... but it's kind of nice to have one less person to hide it from."

"I can understand that," he said, reaching for another slice of pizza.

"Have you heard from Yaten or Taiki since the show?" Usagi asked, slurping a bit of cheese that dripped from her lip.

"I talked to Yaten a little bit, but I talk to Taiki pretty often anyway."

"How do you communicate them? Do you have an incense burner too?"

Seiya laughed gently. "I do, but, it's a lot easier for me to contact them through my Change Star."

When Usagi raised a curious eyebrow, Seiya brought his hand to his ear and summoned his transformation headset.

"Ooo," Usagi leaned in to get a closer look at the golden star. "_Sugoi_! Can I look at it?" She asked.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," Seiya answered with a playful wink. Usagi laughed as she stood up, careful to steady the glass of wine that threatened to tip. She bounced down the hallway and disappeared into her bedroom. Moments later, she reappeared with her golden compact. Handing the jewel-encrusted heart over to her trusted friend, Usagi began to look at the mysterious device that allowed Seiya to transform into Sailor Star Fighter.

"Wow, this is amazing," she heard Seiya gasp from across from her. Usagi looked up briefly, watching the way her friend's eyes widened once the broach was opened and the Silver Crystal glimmered inside. She was used to seeing it every day, but she never stopped admiring how beautiful the object was.

She looked back down at the Change Star in her hands, marveling at how similar it was to her own transformation broach. The star was golden, and it felt solid and cool in her small hands. With her other hand, she gently traced the shape of the white, firm "feather" with her fingertips. She thought it would be softer, but was surprised to feel that it was hard, just like the gold star. Her mind thought back to their conversation weeks ago. The idea of releasing a guardian from her service, especially one as strong and devoted as Sailor Star Fighter, was so foreign to her. But when she truly thought about it, she knew she would have done the same. Her love for her guardians would overrule any sort of duty that they were expected to have. Their happiness meant the world to her, as it probably did to Princess Kakyuu.

"What is it like?" Usagi looked up. "What is it like living as Sailor Star Fighter all the time? Everyone knows who you are?"

Seiya took a moment to trace the angles of the crystal on the broach before he looked up. "It's nice to not have a big secret that I have to keep from everyone. It was freeing… in some ways," he finished.

"Some ways?" Usagi asked.

"Living here on Earth and keeping the secret was hard at times, but I liked that I could have privacy."

"Privacy?" Usagi interjected, an amused smile on her face.

"Well, obviously I'm famous, but that's not what I mean. Here I'm famous for my art, and not for my _duty_. On Earth I get to have friendships and relationships with people that are based on who I am and not because of who I serve."

"When you wrote to me, you would send me song lyrics sometimes," she paused briefly, thinking of the songs she has heard Seiya bring to life over the past few weeks. "Did you ever perform there?"

Seiya shook his head. "No, never like this. It wouldn't be appropriate."

Usagi nodded to show her understanding. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her.

"Do you have a family on Kinmoku?"

"I had my parents, but they died when Galaxia destroyed our home two years ago."

"Oh, Seiya-kun… I didn't know." She scooted closer and rested the headset on the table before resting her hand over his. "You never told me that."

"I didn't really know until I returned," he said. "My first duty was to find the Princess. I wasn't sure if they were alive or not, but I had hoped…"

Usagi gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"It's okay." He paused, his eyes looking down at their overlapped hands. "My parents had been off-planet on one of Kinmoku's moons when it happened. They survived, but they went back with a rescue team to look for other survivors. Even the ground was unstable after Galaxia was done with it, and they died in some kind of collapse. If they had been devoured by Chaos then maybe their star seeds would have been saved, but… they weren't restored when you defeated her. They couldn't be." He sighed, a faraway look in his blue eyes. "They died trying to help others, so I try to take comfort in that."

_Like you almost did,_ Usagi thought. But her thought was like a key that opened the door to a flood of images: Fighter, Healer, and Maker bloody and battered, Chaos striking her friends…. She closed her eyes for a moment and took deep, slow breaths. Through her pain, she tried to focus on the sound of Seiya's voice.

"I miss them a lot. I don't think the pain will ever go away, but it does get easier to live with. Talking about them helps."

It took a moment for Usagi to process what he said, but when she did, she nodded quickly. "Yes, I'm glad," she murmured. When her heart stopped fluttering and she felt like she could breathe normally, she looked up and was surprised to find Seiya staying right at her with sharp, focused eyes. She felt exposed beneath his gaze.

"What?" She murmured, looking away.

"You should try it sometime," he said.

"Try what?"

"Talking about the things that hurt you. It really does help."

He had her full attention now. Usagi looked at him with wide, surprised cerulean eyes. "I don't know what you mean," she lied.

"I can see it, Odango." Seiya moved his body closer and his hand rested on Usagi's cheek. His hand was soft and warm, and she resisted learning into it. She closed her eyes, hoping to shut him out and stop him from seeing into her. She didn't understand how she could admire that about him, yet hate it so much.

"I can see the sadness in you," he murmured, undeterred by her closed eyes. He brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek and spoke in a low, husky voice that made her feel like she wanted to melt. "That darkness doesn't belong in your eyes, Usagi-chan."

"Seiya..." she started. She could feel her lips tremble, so she clenched her jaw, hoping to stop it. "I don't know how to share this part of myself with anyone."

"Do you trust me?" He asked gently.

"With my life," she said without hesitation.

"Then talk to me."

"I can't. I don't know where to start, Seiya-kun."

"Yes, you do. What were you feeling just now when I mentioned the final battle?"

She held her hand to her chest and closed her eyes, willing the tears to stay inside. "I feel like I failed everyone. I feel like everyone put their faith in me-and for what? What if I hadn't beaten Galaxia? What if I had been wrong, and if I continued to hold back and if… what if you, Yaten, and Taiki had died too? What if all of those deaths had been for nothing? I didn't beat Chaos because of my _skill_. It was all luck."

She was sobbing now and she wiped roughly at her face, ashamed to be feeling so upset. Ashamed that even though Seiya had confided in her about his parents, that she was the one being consoled. He listened to her quietly, tightening his grip on her hand.

"That's not all, is it?" He coaxed her, trying to pull more from her. He wouldn't let her hold back. At this point, she didn't want to.

"It's not the only thing that hurts me, Seiya, but it's what I can't stop thinking about. What if something else comes and kills everyone? What if I don't win this time? What will I do if I have to watch them die again, in front of me, and not be able to bring them back? We've had so many chances and have cheated death so many times, but what happens when it doesn't work anymore? What happens if…" She stopped talking, the sobs choking back the words she wanted to say. Those words made her head feel like and her stomach queasy. She felt Seiya's warm hand on her back, it gently stroking her through the material of her sweater.

"If what, Odango? Say it. It's what you always wanted to say," he murmured.

"Seiya," she looked at him with wide, desperate eyes that clutched at his heart. "What if there is too much of Chaos inside of _me_ and I'm the one who kills everyone?"

This time, he pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly.

"I know it seems impossible; that I need to trust in my power and what I did to get rid of her, I'm just so terrified of ending up just like Sailor Galaxia. I know I'm strong, but I know Chaos is stronger." She turned her face into his chest to hide her tears and whispered coarsely, "I'm just waiting for everyone to be sick of waiting for me to be okay. I see the way Mamoru looks at me. He thinks I'm so wrapped up in my own head that I don't pay attention to him, but I see how annoyed he is with me all the time."

When she could no longer speak and cried into Seiya's embrace, he asked her gently, "Can I say something?"

She murmured a soft, "Mmhmm" against his chest.

"You just said so many 'what ifs', Usagi-chan," Seiya began. "But I have one for you. What if you're wrong about all of it, including how Mamoru feels about you? What if he's not annoyed at all, but he just doesn't know how to help you?"

She didn't answer. She gripped a fistful of his shirt in one hand, letting her tears flow freely. When he spoke, she could feel his voice rumble through his chest.

"Do you talk to anyone else about this, Odango?"

"I don't think anyone else could understand Seiya-kun," Usagi whispered quietly.

"Have you given anyone else the chance to understand?"

"I can't. I feel so bad, Seiya. I don't have the right to be so upset about this... it's shameful. They literally died for me, what do I have to complain about?"

"Odango," Seiya lifted his eyebrows. "I didn't die either. Does that mean I shouldn't be upset by what we went through?"

"Oh, god, no, Seiya!" She looked up quickly, red-faced and puffy-eyed. "I didn't mean that. You went through so much. You fought for me, you gave everything you had... you would have _died_ for me. And you were so hurt, I-"

"Odango, shh, stop," he said quickly, moving his hand to cup her face. Usagi let out a shaky sigh, her mind going back to the night they said goodbye. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I would have died for you then, and I'd do it again now in a heartbeat. I'm just making a point. Just because I'm alive doesn't mean I'm not hurt inside. You watched almost everyone you cared about die in front of you. You found out your boyfriend had been dead for months. I'm not judging you for being damaged by this. No one does."

Usagi leaned into Seiya and wrapped her arms around his body. With her face once again buried against his t-shirt, she began to weep. He stroked the top of her blonde head with slow, gentle fingers.

He lowered his head and whispered into her hair, "It's okay to be hurt. It's okay to feel it. If you don't feel it, it will never go away."

"No one gets me like you do," she cried. She wept again, her body shaking with loud sobs as Seiya tightened his hold. After some time, her sobs turned into silent tears, and then to small sniffles. She lifted her head from his shirt, wet with her warm tears, and wiped at her face with the back of her hand.

"I'm sorry. I got your shirt all wet," she mumbled, embarrassed. He took a clean napkin from the table and handed it to her with a gentle smile. "It's okay, Odango."

She took some time wiping her tears and sniffling. After some deep breaths, she looked up at him. Her shimmering eyes were rimmed with red.

"This is so embarrassing. I'm sure I look awful," she grumbled.

"No," he said softly. "You look beautiful."

Her lips curved into a smile, wanting to laugh, but she stopped short when she caught the sincerity in his gaze. As she became fully aware of how close they were-just inches away with his warm, calloused fingers still resting on the small of her back, she had to remind herself to breathe. She forgot about the swelling under her eyes and the dryness of her lips.

And then she did something she never imagined herself doing.

She leaned forward and placed a kiss on Seiya's lips. It was light and hesitant; a question more than a command. She felt him freeze beneath her and then expel a warm, shaky breath against her lips. Just when she thought he wasn't going to to respond, he did. His lips parted and his hand slipped underneath her sweater, laying to rest on the soft skin of her lower back. She pressed harder, savoring the softness of his lips and the taste of sweet wine. Her heart raced, and as they continued to kiss, her mind wandered toward all the things that kissing can lead up to.

It was then that her phone vibrated loudly against the the glass table with a clamorous sound. With a gasp, she pulled away so quickly that she nearly fell over. She bumped into the table, sending the glass of white wine tumbling to the floor.

"Oh my God," she rushed out, her eyes wildly going between the yellowed stain making its way into her white carpet and the man she had just kissed.

"Odango… I'm sorry, I-"

"No, it wasn't you. Oh. Oh, no. What am I doing?" Her words were frantic as she quickly stood up and barrelled down the hallway, closing her bedroom door behind her.

Seiya sat down on the couch and ran his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily. "_Shit_," he cursed under his breath. He laid back roughly and closed his eyes. After taking some time to calm his breathing, he tossed a few napkins on to the spill and patted it gently. Once he was done cleaning up as much liquid as he could get out of the carpet, he was beginning to realize that Usagi was not coming back. Hesitantly, he walked to her bedroom door and softly knocked on the thin wood.

"Odango?" He called.

Through the door he heard her teary, muffled voice say, "Seiya-kun, I'm sorry."

He could hear rustling against the door. She must have been leaning against it.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I shouldn't have done that," she cried out. "I'm so embarrassed."

"Let me in," he said gently. "Let's talk about it."

"No. No, I … I'm sorry, it's not your fault Seiya, but I need you to go. I need space."

He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against the bedroom door. No matter how many times he imagined his first real kiss with Usagi, it never looked like this.

"Okay," he said. He waited for her to change her mind, but it never came.

"Please, Seiya," she said, her voice more clear and in control, though still soaked with tears.

"If you need me, just call me, okay? It's going to be okay." And with that, he backed away from the door.

Usagi sat with her back against the door, with her arms wrapped around her knees, pulling them toward her chest. As the tears fell from her eyes, she wished she could ask Seiya to stay. The rustling of car keys from the living room was followed by slow, dragging steps, and then the gentle opening and closing of her front door. She held her breathe, trying her best to listen for any sounds. A small part of her hoped he was tricking her - that he wasn't actually leaving.

After a minute of silence, she accepted that he was gone.

She threw herself onto her bed, and with her face buried deep within her pillow, she began to weep. She let it all out, willing all her feelings to leave her body and soak into the fabric of the pillow. She stayed that way for some time until she had no tears left to cry and her body felt weak, and then finally, she fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 13: Echoes

Chapter 13: Echoes

On a late Tuesday morning, Usagi walked along a sidewalk on the university's polished campus. Trees with thick, deep green leaves towered over the modern-looking gray buildings. Students were scattered around the grounds, chatting with friends over open books. As she felt a light breeze against her cheek, she wished she could skip her meeting and spend the rest of the morning laid back in the grass, soaking up the warm sun. When her phone buzzed in her pocket, the thought of relaxing on the lawn quickly flitted away.

She unlocked her screen and read the message with a soft frown.

_"I'm here to talk when you're ready."_

She wasn't ready to confront that just yet, so without responding, she continued walking until she found the building she was looking for. Standing at the end of the walkway, she held a hand over her eyes to create shade and read the bold letters mounted above the door.

UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB

Just as she reached for the door's handle, her phone chimed with another notification.

_"We can pretend it didn't happen if you want,"_ the message said.

She quickly put the phone into her pocket and opened the door, feeling a blast of cool conditioned air on her face. The lobby of the research building was small and chilly, with gray tiled floor and plain walls. A large plant, sad and drooping, sat in the corner by the window. She frowned as she felt little bumps rising on her skin, and she wished that she had stayed outside instead. Seeing a head of brown hair poking out from behind a computer screen at the reception desk, Usagi walked up and gave the woman a friendly wave.

"Hi, I'm here to see Dr. Meiou," Usagi said.

"Is she expecting you?" The girl asked, her hand hovering over the phone's receiver.

"Yes. My name is Tsukino Usagi."

"Just a minute," the girl said quickly. She picked up the phone and had a curt conversation with the person on the other end.

"Go through the door, turn the corner, and Dr. Meiou will meet you at the end of the hallway," she said, pressing a button. The set of double doors unlocked with a loud click and then slowly opened, beckoning its guest to enter. As Usagi began her walk down the gray hallway, she felt nervous. Was it the questions that raced through her mind or was it the coldness of the building? She heard the unmistakable sound of fast-paced, clicking of heels coming from the opposite direction. She followed that sound and soon found herself face-to-face with a tall, beautiful woman in a lab coat. The woman had deep olive-toned skin, crimson-colored eyes, and dark green hair that shone vividly underneath the fluorescent lighting. Her hair was pinned neatly behind her head in a professional bun, and her family name was embroidered in crisp lettering above the pocket of her pristine white coat.

"Usagi-chan," the woman greeted warmly. "It's so nice to see you."

Usagi bowed slightly. "Thank you, Setsuna-san, for meeting with me."

"Don't be so formal, Usagi-chan. Come, let's go to my office."

Setsuna ushered the younger woman around the corner and into a small room with her name displayed on the door.

"Thank you for meeting me here. I was so happy to hear from you, but unfortunately this is really the only time I'll have this week," she said apologetically, sitting in a comfortable-looking chair behind the desk.

"That's okay. Thank you for making time for me," Usagi said, her eyes glancing around the small office. The white walls were bare with the exception of Setsuna's framed certificates and a large analog clock. Her desk contained several neat piles of folders and one small burgundy orchid, its healthy petals open in the sunlight that filtered through the small window. Usagi's eyes lingered on the collection of personal photos on the corner of the scientist's desk. There was a large photo of her, Michiru, and Haruka, smiling and dressed finely in tailored evening wear. Another photo - one that Usagi recognized from her own collection - was a four-year-old photo of the entire group of outer and inner senshi, including herself.

The last photo that she eyed seized her breath in her throat and sent a pang through her heart. The photo was of a young toddler with chubby cheeks, pale skin, short black hair, and vivid violet eyes that crinkled in the corners when she laughed. It shouldn't have hurt Usagi so much, but that beautiful photo of Hotaru reminded her so much of Chibiusa.

"What did you want to talk about?" Setsuna asked curiously. She wasn't used to the younger woman visiting her, certainly not at work.

"I want to talk about the future," Usagi answered firmly.

Just as she expected, Setsuna's eyes widened. She shook her head apologetically before she answered with, "I'm sorry, Princess, but you know there isn't much I can tell you."

"I just need to know, Setsuna-chan. The future that we saw when we defeated the Black Moon Clan. Is that the only future?"

Usagi's voice sounded more desperate to her ears than she meant. She kept her eyes on the older woman, watching as those crimson eyes studied her face carefully. Suddenly she wondered- did Setsuna know what she had done? Was the keeper of time privy to everything that happened, or was she just as lost as everyone else was? Suddenly, she was intrigued by the change in Setsuna's eyes. They were downcast now, her eyes unfocused as they welled with tears. Usagi watched in confusion as the scientist's tan skin took on a sickly pallor and tears began to fall from her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Usagi asked hesitantly.

"Princess," she whispered solemnly. "I made a grave mistake. I must beg your forgiveness."

"What do you mean? I think I'm the one who did something wrong."

"No, Princess," she bowed her head and brought a hand to her face, hiding it in shame. "I was so selfish, Usagi-chan. I thought that if I turned a blind eye and allowed the King and Queen of that timeline to defy the rules, then that future could be set in stone."

Those words made her feel sick. With a shaky voice, she asked, "What do you mean?"

"It was my duty to watch and protect time. I was not supposed to interfere or be a part of it. That attachment is what has gotten us all into this predicament. The future is ever-changing, Princess. The way it looks today might not be what it looks like tomorrow, but I thought that maybe that future could be written in stone." With a sob, she spat, "I was so naive and selfish, and now we are all suffering the consequences of my disobedience."

Usagi was unable to say anything. All she could do was watch Setsuna as she cried, gripping the desk before her so hard that her knuckles grew pale. She thought of how this woman usually seemed so strong and confident, sometimes to the point of feeling callous. Seeing her cry made her feel uncomfortable. It scared her. Her stomach tied itself in knots as she waited for the woman to continue.

Finally, Setsuna looked up with anguished eyes and whispered with a heavy voice that cracked in her throat, "The future looked that way because that's where you all were in your lives at that time. You were a beautiful, childish, idealistic little girl who pictured the perfect future because she hadn't grown up yet."

"No," Usagi gasped, feeling the tears stinging at the back of her own eyes. She held a hand to her chest, as if it would help to calm her rapidly beating heart. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that the 30th century that you saw was based on the fantasy of a fourteen-year-old girl."

"But you were there," Usagi replied weakly.

"Yes, I was, but as someone detached from time. I have been in many places within many timelines."

"And what about Chibiusa?" The tears ran freely now, the fat droplets plopping onto her chest and soaking into the material of her shirt.

"Chibiusa was an echo," she began quietly. "She was the echo of your happiness in the present placed into a future that could have changed at any time. Letting her come back here was wrong, and not just because it was taboo." She paused, a pained look on her face. Perhaps she was remembering the words that Queen Serenity had told her centuries ago. "It was cruel to you and to Mamoru-san to let her stay here."

Usagi tried her best to process what she was being told. So many thoughts raced in her mind at once: memories, questions, insults. She took in a big gulp of breath and pressed her hand to her lips, praying she wouldn't vomit in her friend's tidy office. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so much grief in her body. With a sob, she choked out, "So Chibiusa wasn't even real?"

"Oh, no," Setsuna said as she stood suddenly and hurried to the other side of the desk. She dropped down onto her knees beside the younger woman and took her smaller hands into her own, gripping them desperately.

"She was as real as you or I, Princess. I know it's hard to understand. Time is so complicated, but please know that I loved Small Lady so much. I thought I was doing the right thing. Please believe me," she begged with a bowed head.

With closed eyes, Usagi wished that someone else was there to help her get through that horrible conversation. Maybe Makoto could offer encouraging words or Ami could break things down for her in a way that she would understand. Seiya could hold her and help her see that everything would be okay. She clenched her jaw and exhaled through her nose. It was just her and Setsuna here. She would have to be her own strength. She looked down at her hands, held tightly by Setsuna, and searched within herself to find the understanding and empathetic princess that she knew she should be.

Unfortunately, she couldn't find her.

The more that Usagi reflected on Setsuna's words, the more she found that she was pestered by her groveling. If she was so sorry, why hadn't she explained this all before? She roughly yanked her hands from the woman's grip and rested them on her belly, feeling where she had hoped Chibiusa would grow someday.

"I wish you hadn't shown her to me," Usagi muttered through gritted teeth, her cheeks wet with tears. "You only made it so that you could take her away."

Though crying freely, Setsuna laid a hand on Usagi's arm in an attempt to console her. The touch was like a hot iron, and Usagi was quick to push her away. "Don't touch me," she warned, her narrowed cerulean eyes glaring at the older woman like a weapon.

"Princess, I'm sorry," she wept.

When Usagi stood up, the quickness of it made her feel dizzy, but she pressed on. The thought of her daughter's round cheeks and happy scarlet eyes made her feel like there was a weight on her chest. She couldn't catch her breath. Her grief was interrupted by the image of a man, with long blue-black hair and sultry eyes. She imagined the softness of his lips and the feel of his hand on the small of her back, and could not help the guilt-ridden sob that escaped her.

Had she ruined the future with that kiss?

"This is all my fault, isn't it?"

Setsuna's glossed lips were parted for a moment, as if she had words to say but wasn't sure if she should say them. With a delicate voice, she explained, "Chibiusa has been gone for a very long time. She had changed so many times since we first met her. Some of them were little changes that maybe one wouldn't notice at first, but as this timeline progressed, the girl that we knew faded away." Her voice wavered, but she took a quick pause to steady herself. "Those are natural consequences of the present catching up with the future, and there isn't anyone to blame for that. You and Mamoru-san were so busy fighting battles that you didn't have time to reflect on your lives or grow up. Now that you have, things are different. That is the burden of seeing into the future."

Usagi considered those words quietly. She remembered a time where the thought of being a queen was exciting, and how her only dream was to marry Mamoru and live happily ever after. 'When did that dream change?' She wondered. 'Had it changed for Mamo too?' Suddenly, she thought back to months ago, when Makoto couldn't remember Chibiusa.

With fear in her eyes, Usagi looked up for the first time in awhile and said softly, "I think people are forgetting her."

"Yes, Usagi-chan. They are."

"But I'm not? I don't think Mamoru is either."

"Time is funny in that way. Chibiusa's life was not linear. We remember her in the present, but as time goes by, we'll forget where she came from or why she was with us. But I don't think _you_ will. You're trying so hard to hold on to her memory - I can see that. You and Mamoru-san think of her every day. You think of her with every choice you make, and that is a cross that I have forced you two to bear."

"So... we remember her better because we think of her more?"

"It's not all black and white, but yes."

"Do you think it would be harmful to tell everyone what's happening? To make them remember?"

Setsuna shook her head slowly. "We have to stop manipulating time to suit our needs, Princess. We must let Chronos do what he believes is right. Time is sorting itself out right now and we have a responsibility to let that happen."

She thought that she was over the tears, but they began to fall again, her voice begging for the pink-haired girl that she missed so much. "Chibiusa-chan," she cried out. She crumpled down onto the chair again, too tired to stand any longer, and wept into her hands. This time she didn't fight Setsuna's touch, and allowed the woman to place a trembling hand on her back.

"Pluto, is Crystal Tokyo gone?"

Setsuna's eyes, puffed and smudged with black mascara, were pleading as they looked into Usagi's. "You know I can't answer that."

Usagi was suddenly reminded of how irritated she had been with her just a moment ago. With a glare and a bitterness she didn't know she had in her, she spat, "I _know_ that you can. Why do you get to pick and choose which rules to break and which to follow? You're telling me that Chibiusa is gone, so why can't you tell me if Crystal Tokyo is too? You're not the one who guards the gate anymore, so why does it matter to you now?"

Setsuna looked at the young princess with widened eyes. The princess had never spoken badly of her choices to defy the rules of time until now. Usagi had never seen the point. She knew that the guardian had done what she thought was right and had died for it. But now, as Usagi looked at the woman who had answers that could change the direction of her life, she didn't care that Sailor Pluto had already been punished and _this_ Setsuna had not done anything wrong.

"Princess, I-"

"Don't make me live my life for a future that doesn't exist! I know you have the answer, so please, help me."

There was a tense silence between them. Usagi bit at her lower lip, waiting anxiously for the woman to give her an answer. She decided then that she wouldn't leave until she had one. After a long, contemplative gaze, Setsuna began to speak.

"I think that one way or another, Crystal Tokyo will come to be. I've seen it in many timelines. However, it may not look the way we thought it would."

Usagi closed her eyes as she considered this diplomatic answer. She thought knowing the answer to that question would help her understand how to get to Crystal Tokyo, but she felt just as confused as she did before. At least I know it will happen, she thought to herself. It scared her to say it out loud, but she asked, "Does it happen soon?"

"That I certainly can't tell you, Usagi-chan." She closed her eyes briefly. "It's blocked from my vision," she explained. "The version of me who is keeping time must be blurring major events so that I cannot interfere. I'm sorry, Princess, but I cannot see it."

With a perturbed look on her face, Usagi looked down. She pictured the future queen, her face calm and serene with a crescent moon marked prominently onto her forehead. She didn't want to admit it, but Usagi looked to be nearly the same age that Neo-Queen Serenity was when she saw her.

"You're scared, aren't you, Usagi-chan?"

Usagi nodded slowly, unable to stop the tears from pooling in her eyes.

"I'm so scared that I've ruined everything," she whispered.

"And that, my princess, is entirely my fault," Setsuna said with a firmness. "You weren't supposed to see the future. You can't manipulate time to get the future you want," she said. At Usagi's sullen look, she lowered her voice and gently asked, "But it's not what you want, is it?"

"No," she answered honestly, too tired to fight any more. "But I know it's what's right. I can be that perfect queen! Mamo-chan and I can create a utopian society together."

"Usagi-chan," Setsuna breathed out the young girl's name with a sad, sympathetic sigh. "Perfection does not exist. Utopian societies don't either. I'm really sorry that I made you think that they did."

Usagi tried her best to be upset with Sailor Pluto, but she found that she couldn't. Her desire to scream or call the guardian names was overwhelmed by her need to be comforted. All she wanted at that moment was to be held.

She couldn't bring herself to ask her last question. She closed her eyes and pictured herself hand-in-hand with a man in a lavender suit, and she wondered if King Endymion and Neo-Queen Serenity ruled those versions of Crystal Tokyo together. Instead, she asked in a small, almost child-like voice, "Would you forgive me if Crystal Tokyo never happened?"

In a moment of tenderness that Usagi never had from Setsuna, but that she wished she could repeat over and over again, the older woman placed a chaste kiss on Usagi's forehead.

"I would, Princess. And can you forgive me?"

"You were just doing what you thought was right," Usagi whispered. "It's what we're always trying to do, isn't it?"

"It truly is. But Usagi-chan, I need you to stop worrying about doing the right thing. You were reborn here to live a life with happiness," she said with a soft smile. "It's time for you to live in the present."

"I don't know how to do that when everyone is counting on me to save the earth and build an entire kingdom that doesn't exist yet."

"You'll know what to do when the time comes. You always do. Your heart and the silver crystal will guide you, I am sure of that."

The two women spent some time in silence, both considering the great burden that time travel had placed on them. Guilt nagged at Usagi's mind, but Setsuna's comforting words helped to calm it.

"I know that you have a busy day, I'll get out of your way," Usagi said quietly. Setsuna gave a nod and sat herself down into her chair, her eyes looking distant and distracted. Looking at Setsuna's face streaked with black-tinted tears, Usagi felt pity for her. It must feel awful to have caused so much anguish. _And she loved Chibiusa too,_ she thought. _She must also be hurting._

She paused in the doorway and said, "I hate what you did, Setsuna-chan, but I probably would have done the same thing."

Usagi looked at the picture of Hotaru, smiling and happy in her adoptive mother's arms. It pained her to think that she would never have a picture of Chibiusa like that. She'd never take her to the park again or pack her a bento for school. She wouldn't feel her growing in her belly, fluttering and kicking to remind her mother that she would soon be coming into the world.

"Chibiusa-chan is so special," she spoke softly as a tear traveled down her cheek. "I would have broken the rules for her too."

As she carried a new set of anxieties down the cold hallway, Usagi felt a mess of feelings within her. The grief she felt for her child threatened to overwhelm her, but there was something there - deep in her heart - that kept her from drowning in it. Chibiusa was gone...

...but for the first time since she was fourteen, Usagi felt like she was in charge of creating her own future.


	16. Chapter 14: Choices

Hi, everyone! I hate to give things away, but there is a sexual situation in this chapter. It's not very explicit, but to be safer (rather than sorry), I went ahead and changed the rating from T to M.

Thank you again for all your kind comments, follows, and faves. :)

-Amethyst

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Chapter 14: Choices

The information that Usagi learned from Sailor Pluto left her feeling lost. She felt powerless against her own mind as she rode the emotional waves that crashed within her, embracing them when they flowed and resting when they ebbed. At times the idea of an unclear future made her feel hopeful. She thought that maybe she could continue to be Tsukino Usagi without abandoning herself completely to ascend the throne and become Neo-Queen Serenity. Neo-Queen Serenity felt so foreign to her. It felt like Princess Serenity was trying to pick up where she left off and leave poor Usagi in the Tokyo of the past. They were one and different people all at once.

She had been Tsukino Usagi (and only her) for fourteen years before she had awakened.

She quite liked Usagi.

But part of her argued that she still had a responsibility to make Crystal Tokyo as perfect as possible. Why wouldn't she, after all? Didn't Earth deserve a time of peace without war, hunger, and sadness? What if Chibiusa's erasure was only a result of her current anxieties and insecurities? After all, Setsuna said that the future was a reflection of what was happening now. Maybe if she believed in herself more and got over the funk that separated her from Mamoru, they could bring Chibiusa back. She knew that when she and Mamoru married, they would undoubtedly have a child. She would love them the same no matter who they were, but if there was any chance that she could have Chibiusa...

Those thoughts would be interrupted by sudden anguish that overtook her and left her sobbing. When she missed Chibiusa and felt like her chest was on fire, the silver crystal reached out with its pulsing warmth. It enveloped her in its pure white magic, and though it couldn't speak, Usagi understood what it was trying to say.

_Everything will be okay._

It was a time like that when she heard the knock at her door.

She had managed to convince herself to shower that afternoon and was now resting on her bed with damp hair and a fresh set of clothes. As she ran her thumb over the rabbit-shaped charm in her hand and stared up at the white ceiling, she chose to ignore the person at her door. However, the tapping didn't stop. With a sigh, she sat up and instinctively looked to her phone for the time. It was dead. She frowned, wondering how long it had been that way. With a great sigh, she crawled off of the bed and made her way to the door. Standing on her toes, she peeked through the small hole.

The young man who stood on the other side, dressed neatly in a button-down shirt and slacks, was someone that she didn't know. Her curiosity getting the better of her, she cracked the door just a bit and asked, "Yes?"

"Tsukino Usagi? I'm from the courier service," he said.

"Courier service?"

"Yes, I have a parcel for you from Kou Seiya. It's sensitive, so I'll need a signature."

She furrowed her brow, wondering if Seiya had been trying to get in touch with her. She remembered the texts he had sent while she was on her way to see Setsuna, and with a deep frown, realized she never responded. She took the electronic pad that the man offered and quickly signed her name before he placed a padded envelope in her hand.

She bumped the door closed with her hip as she tore the top off of the package and dipped her hand inside. What she found was a thin, clear case with one CD inside. On the top of the case was a note that said in rushed letters: _final song for the album._

Her eyes were transfixed on that inanimate object for much longer than she realized. She didn't know what was on it, but suddenly it felt too heavy. She set it down on the kitchen counter and went back to her room to lie down. Once she was underneath the safety of her blanket, her eyes kept moving to ruby red incense burner on her nightstand. She had not heard from Yaten, Taiki, or the princess in quite some time, so the smell of olives was light and faded, but the object soothed her all the same. She sat up and looked to her bookshelf. Among a collection of photos was the picture of her and Seiya after his concert. He looked back at her with bright, happy eyes. Beside it, propped up against the spine of a book, was a _purikura_ photo strip of her and Seiya they had taken. It was mostly a blur of sparkles from where she sat, but she remembered the fun they had posing in the booth together. The bottom one, with their hands gesturing in Sailor Moon's famous pose, made her laugh whenever she saw it.

Maybe Seiya was exactly what she needed right now.

This time when she got off the bed, she pulled her blanket around her shoulders, allowing it to drag behind her like the train of a wedding gown. She popped the CD into the player and then sat down on the floor in front of it, curling up with her arms around her knees. First it was silent, but then the sound of gentle guitars and a soft electronic beat began to flow through her speakers. She closed her eyes, taking in the gentleness of his voice. She let her mind run away with the imagery, and did her best to picture the girl in his song. _I traced your smile in constellations_, he sang. His voice distracted her from her thoughts and soothed her confused, sorrowful spirit.

And then it got to the chorus.

With blonde eyebrows jolting up toward her hairline, she quickly reached forward and pressed stop.

_No,_ she thought. _I'm misunderstanding things._

And then she let it play.

It was like a light turned on and her body began to move. Shoes were on her feet and she grabbed an item - a pink pen with a ruby crystal fastened to the top - and shoved it into her pocket. She didn't know what she would do or say when she got there, but after a bus ride and a short walk, she was looking up at the swanky apartment building that she knew Seiya lived in.

She peeked over the bushes that lined the path to the door, noting the well-dressed security guard standing there in wait.

_Maybe I should call,_ she thought, but when she looked at her phone, she was reminded that it was dead. Knowing Seiya, he would have probably listed her as an approved visitor, wouldn't he? But what if he didn't? And then another thought struck her. What if someone saw her and took a picture? The idea of dealing with an upset Haruka put a frown on her lips.

With a surprised gasp, she remembered the pen she had grabbed from her apartment before she left. As she looked over the object, she couldn't even remember what she was thinking when she grabbed it. Though her decision to go to Seiya's was impulsive, something inside of her knew she'd probably need the pen.

Raising the magical item into the air, she said in a loud whisper, "Moon Power! Turn me into a brunette pizza delivery girl!"

Magic and bright light swirled around her. When the transformation was done, she looked down at herself. She wore a red and black uniform with a black apron and a red cap. The most impressive part, however, was the rich, chocolate-brown hair that hung just past her ears. A warm insulated bag was now in her hands, and she hoped it was actually full of pizza.

The security guard was looking curiously down the path when Usagi emerged (perhaps looking for the source of that strange white light). Walking up to the door, she said confidently, "I have a delivery for Kou-san."

The man looked to his clipboard. "He didn't tell me he was expecting anyone," he said sternly.

"Well, he definitely ordered this pizza," she said, a haughty tone in her voice. "If I don't deliver this in time I'll get in trouble."

He hesitated for a moment and then nodded, opening the door. "The elevator is at the end of that hallway. Don't dawdle."

When she reached his door, she knocked gently and waited with bated breath. She hoped it was the right place, after all. She had never been there, but after plenty of time spent shopping with Seiya and hearing him recite his address for deliveries, she felt pretty sure.

After a few moments, she heard the light padding of feet and heard the metal clicking of the lock.

The musician stood in the doorway in just a pair of pajama pants and eyed the woman curiously.

"Yes?"

When he looked into her eyes, the surprise slowly registered on his face.

"Odango?" He asked, confused. His eyes were focused on the hair that framed her face.

"I'm ready to talk."

"I tried calling and texting you," he said, frowning. His eyes looked tired and sad. She cursed herself for not responding to him.

"My phone died," she offered meekly.

He cocked his head, his eyes on the warm bag in her hand. With curiosity, he asked, "Is there really pizza in there?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe? If you let me in we can find out."

Seiya stepped aside and opened the door wider for her to enter. She looked around the large apartment, admiring the hard wood floors and modern-looking furniture. There were colorful pieces of art on the walls, a little potted plant near the balcony door, and a guitar resting on the sofa. Through the large, floor-to-ceiling windows of the apartment, she could see the sky above the city beginning to turn shades of orange and purple as the sun began to set. As she rested the pizza onto the table, he asked softly:

"Did you listen to it?"

The song replayed in her memory, filling her chest with warmth. She closed the distance between them and took his face in her small, soft hands. He gently wrapped his own hands around her slender wrists, holding on to her as their blue eyes locked on one another.

"It was beautiful," she said, her whispered voice full of awe. "But that's not the only reason I'm here."

"I'm sorry about what happened, Usagi-chan," he murmured. "You were drunk and I shouldn't have-"

"Shh, Seiya, no. You didn't do anything wrong. It was my fault, so please don't feel guilty," she said, looking into his dark eyes. The sadness and guilt she saw within them made her want to cry.

Confidently, she leaned in and pressed her lips to his, pressing her body closer when she felt him respond. They stood there for some time, locked in a heated kiss. He stepped forward slowly, backing her up until she could feel the decorative end table pressing against her bottom. Sensing her discomfort, he held her by the hips and lifted her onto the table. Swiftly, she reached behind her and shoved the pizza box to the floor, making space for herself as he set her down. Her hands were in his hair, clinging to him as heat pooled in her belly.

She couldn't stop herself from noticing that where Mamoru was tender and careful, Seiya was playful and impatient. As he kissed down the side of her neck, his teeth caught her skin in gentle, playful tugs, and at times, his hands gripped her hips so tightly she knew it would bruise tomorrow. With her head resting back against the cold wall, she let out a soft, pleasured sigh. She'd never been kissed like this before, and she wanted more.

When she arched her back and pushed her hips forward, she felt him pause.

"How far do you want this to go?" His voice was strained and breathy. She could feel the heat of his words against her neck. Her thoughts were all mashed together in one puddle, but she knew what she wanted. With her blue, lusty gaze focused intently on Seiya, she hooked her legs around his waist and pressed herself toward him. She didn't know where this sudden burst of confidence came from, but it was intoxicating.

He brought his lips back to hers, and she assumed that he understood her answer.

Between kisses she urged gently, "I want our first time to be in your bed."

"Okay, but… we can't take this back, Usagi-chan," Seiya whispered. "This changes everything."

She nodded, her chest heaving with shallow breaths. "I know. I want this, Seiya-kun."

His concerned eyes searched hers frantically, perhaps looking for any shred of doubt or uncertainty.

"Okay," he whispered. "Then I need you to do one thing for me."

"What is it?"

"I need you to take this wig off. This is so weird, I want to see _you,"_ he said before reaching up to pull on her brown hair. With a grimace, she complained loudly, "Oww, Seiya! It's not a wig!"

"Oh! Sorry."

When Seiya laid Usagi back onto the silky dark-colored sheets, with lips locked in a heavy kiss and hands touching every bit of each other that they could reach, she had already dropped the magical disguise. Dressed in a simple pink bra and panties, her clothes law strewn across the musician's floor.

Painted in the orange light from the setting sun outside the window, she arched upwards, wanting nothing more than to be closer to him. She was lost in the pleasure that swelled within her body, but thankfully she found clarity for long enough to ask a very important question.

"Condom?" She murmured against his lips, hoping he could understand her.

He kissed her again, full and long, lingering before he begrudgingly pulled away. He leaned over to his nightstand and opened the drawer, pulling out an unopened box and tossing it onto the bed beside them.

She looked over at the sound of foiled packets rattling in the cardboard box and raised an eyebrow. "Who were all those for?"

He laughed and gave her a kiss, murmuring against her lips, "It's a good idea to be prepared. It's not even open, I promise."

"Have you done this before?" She asked with a curious gaze. She tipped her head back and closed her eyes, focusing on the feel of his lips on her throat.

"Yes, haven't you?" Seiya answered, his tone playful.

Her laughter vibrated in her throat, though it was interrupted by a soft gasp. "Well, yes, but have you done this before as a boy?"

He mumbled an affirmative, hands teasing the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. They inched higher...

With a strained voice, she tried to ask, "Who did you-"

"Shhh," Seiya murmured against her skin. "I don't want to talk about anyone else but you right now."

She had a million questions that she wanted to ask just then, but decided that she could interrogate him later. Instead, she closed her eyes and surrendered herself to his kiss, willing her mind to stop thinking and to just focus on the touches and sounds from the man who hovered above her.

When he paused, looking down at her with adoring eyes, she fought the urge to cover her face.

"What is it?" She asked shyly, a blush tinting her nose.

"Your hair looks like sunlight," he murmured, a hand brushing her bangs away from her face. His eyes were full of admiration as he looked into her eyes and whispered, "You really are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

The intensity of his gaze and the sincerity of his words sent a shiver of excitement down her spine.

"Kiss me," she urged.

Usagi promised herself that she wouldn't compare, but she couldn't help it. She thought of what sex was like with Mamoru. It was loving and gentle; slow and tender. He treated her like a delicate princess that could break if he wasn't too careful. She wasn't sure what to expect after having only been with one person, but everything about Seiya was so different. The angles of his body and the sounds that came from his lips were different. The most striking difference, she thought, was his energy. He was unafraid to move her, to grip her, or to make things more than what they were a moment ago. He was playful with his teasing touches and sexy smiles. And every so often, in moments of tenderness and attentiveness, he'd ask her softly, "Is this okay?"

She would answer with a hurried nod and a gasping, pleasured voice. "Yes," she murmured. "It's perfect."

When the sun had fully set and the pair was spent, they laid comfortably together in a tangle of limbs. The only light was the moonlight streaming through the window, but they had been in that darkness for so long that she could see everything. As Usagi slid her fingers through his blue-black hair, which she had loosened during their love-making, she admired its shine and found pleasure in the way it mingled with her light blonde locks.

"I never answered your first letter," Usagi whispered into the dark. Seiya opened an eye to peer down at the woman he held in his arms. His fingertips drew soft designs on her peachy shoulder. "You did, silly," he mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of her messy hair. "You thanked us for the burner."

"No," she said quietly, as if not to wake anyone. "You asked me if you were able to carve out a special part in my heart."

Seiya sucked in a quick breath. She guessed that he hadn't expected her to ever bring that up.

"Odango, I didn't-"

Usagi looked up and gently pressed her fingertips against Seiya's soft lips. "Seiya, I don't really know how to explain my relationship with Mamoru to you. Sometimes I don't know if I love him because I love him or if I love him because I'm supposed to."

"I don't understand," he said hesitantly, looking at her with confusion. There was something else there, in his eyes and in his voice. Insecurity?

"Thousands of years ago, there existed a time in this solar system called the Silver Millennium. I was sort of there. I was the princess of the Moon and Mamoru was the prince of the Earth. We were in love, but it was forbidden. Even so, when the Moon Kingdom was attacked, he died protecting her. Me." She sighed. "I remember these things now, but I don't feel them. It's like seeing a movie that someone else made. I know what it looks like but I don't feel like I was a part of it."

Her eyes were far away for a moment, but then she remembered what she was talking about. "My mother from that lifetime - Queen Serenity - sent Princess Serenity, Prince Endymion, and their guardians to Earth to be reincarnated. I didn't have any memories of that until I was fourteen. I had met Mamo before I was awakened and even though there was a spark between us, I don't think it's because _we_ connected. I think Serenity and Endymion were trying to find each other."

"Did you fall in love with him right away?"

"God, no. We couldn't stand each other. He was such a jerk to me and I hated him for it. He used to pick on me all the time for no reason. But it was different for Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon." She smiled softly, thinking wistfully of those memories. "Endymion and Serenity are with us when we are transformed, so naturally, they reached out to each other. Sometimes I don't feel like we fit at all and sometimes I think he's the only one. It's so confusing."

She paused but Seiya did not interject. He seemed to be listening, trying to understand. Usagi felt rather guilty, lying naked in Seiya's arms recounting her romantic history with the man she was cheating on, but she knew it was important to explain. Her life was so complicated in ways that her friends knew about on the surface but didn't understand the impact of.

"Our daughter came from the future because she needed help." She was not deterred by Seiya's gasp. "We ended up going to the future too and meeting ourselves. Our future selves - King Endymion and Neo-Queen Serenity - were ruling this perfect kingdom called Crystal Tokyo. It was like a second Silver Millenium. It was perfect, Seiya. The world was peaceful and _mostly_ everyone was happy."

"Time travel is forbidden," was all that Seiya said. His voice sounded harder than Usagi had expected. She couldn't tell if it was jealousy, or perhaps the Sailor Guardian in him who placed an importance on following such important rules.

"I know, and now I understand why," she answered sadly.

She turned her head to look him in the eye. "You were right when you said that it sounded like a political marriage. There's always been this expectation that I have to marry Mamoru because if I don't, then I may not become the queen of Crystal Tokyo and our world won't experience that wonderful future. But I know now this thinking is a mistake. Crystal Tokyo has never been _my_ motivation, if I'm being honest. For me, it's always been Chibiusa. If had not known the amazing daughter that we would have…" She paused to take a deep breath, wiping the tears as they fell from her eyes. The grief twisted her heart and she couldn't finish her sentence. Old anger flared within her.

"Pluto shouldn't have allowed that to happen. Chibiusa shouldn't have been allowed to come here and spend so much time with us. I don't know what the Queen was thinking by sending her to me!"

Usagi closed her eyes and leaned into the feel of Seiya pressing comforting kisses into her hair. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk about this, and I know it's confusing. There's a point to all of this." Though she was reluctant to leave his warmth, Usagi sat up. Resting a hand on Seiya's chest, she looked down at him, her blonde hair framing her face.

"You and I didn't know each other in a past life. Our connection isn't about some princess that I shared a soul with a thousand years ago. It's just about you and me. You fought for me until you thought you couldn't do it anymore and then you pushed more because you wanted to protect _me_. You like the Tsukino Usagi who lives here and now. I don't feel like you're waiting for me to turn into someone else, and I don't feel like I need to be someone else for you to accept me." She could feel the tears falling, and she quickly wiped them away before they could splash onto his chest. "You asked me if I could ever find a place for you in my heart, and I just want you to know that I did. You're in my heart, Seiya-kun. You've been there for a long time."

Three words tickled the back of Usagi's throat, but she knew she couldn't say them. But as Seiya covered her lips with hers, she found herself screaming them in her head. As he lowered her back onto the bed and she felt the warmth of his body against hers, she wished that the night would never end.

Later, once their panting had quieted and their hearts had calmed, Usagi lay with her body curved against Seiya, her back to his chest and his arm draped over her protectively. As she felt his steady breathing against the back of her neck, her mind replayed the song that had filled her living room earlier that day. She had only heard it once, but the words of the chorus were burned in her memory.

"Seiya-kun?"

"Mmm?"

"Will you sing that song to me?" She asked in a whisper.

It took him so long to start that she thought he had fallen asleep, but suddenly in the darkness, Seiya's gentle voice began to sing in a slow and sleepy way:

_I want to be there when you wake up in the morning_

_I want to dance with you underneath the stars_

_I know you're safe, in his arms_

_Far away and out of harm_

_But I need to say_

_I still feel the same as I did that day_

With closed eyes and a calm heart, Usagi focused on the sound of his voice. It was like a gentle touch, and she soon found herself dozing.

Her guilt would have to wait until tomorrow.


	17. Chapter 15: Loyalty

A/N: Hello, all! I wanted to give a warning for some language and a sexual situation (very minor, just at the beginning). If things go according to plan (which they sometimes do!), there should only be 5 more chapters left. We'll see! -Ametheyst

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Chapter 15: Loyalty

When Seiya woke up the first time, he thought he was in a dream. He opened his sleepy eyes to find the creamy porcelain expanse of a woman's back and long hair that fell around her in tumbles of golden yellow. He blinked before he leaned over her body just to verify that - _yes_, that was definitely Tsukino Usagi.

Usagi was _naked_... in his bed.

The events of last night rushed into his brain, and with a growing smile, he thought of the way she writhed beneath him and the soft gasps of pleasure that had spilled from her lips.

Usagi was naked in his bed!

Seiya's hand found her soft shoulder and brushed against it, taking in the softness of her skin. He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her back, and to his surprise, she shifted her body backwards and pressed her warm body against him.

"Good morning," he mumbled against her ear. Her reply was incoherent, but he certainly understood her body language. Her round bottom was pressing against him.

They enjoyed each other in the soft light of the morning sun, with slow, sleepy thrusts and drawled groans. When the climax had subsided and a blanket of calmness came over him, he fell asleep again, with the girl of his dreams tucked within his arms.

The second time he woke up, he wondered if it was _all_ just a dream.

He opened his eyes to see an empty space on the bed before him. With furrowed brows, he wondered if he had dreamed it - if he had just experienced the most vivid wet dream of his entire life - but a glance to the floor told him otherwise. The box of condoms they had opened last night now lay on the floor, tipped over with gold foil packets spilling out. Several empty packets, torn quickly with his teeth and tossed to the side, lay nearby. Beyond the open door to his bedroom, he could see a pair of leggings lying forgotten on the hallway floor.

"Odango?" He called out curiously.

That was when he heard it.

Getting out of bed, he slipped his boxers on over his legs and followed the sound of light sobs to the bathroom door.

"Odango?" He called again. He gave a gentle knock, relieved when he heard a strained "Yeah?" from the other side.

"I'm coming in," he said as he opened the door.

Standing there, in front of his mirror, was the girl he loved. Usagi's long, blonde hair hung loose down her back. She had found her bra and panties, and though he tried his best not to look, he couldn't stop himself from noticing the roundness of her breasts beneath the pink fabric and the curves of her hips. With one hand braced against the sink and the other to her mouth, muffling her sobs, she was crying.

She looked devastated.

Fear hit him like a truck. Did he hurt her? Did she regret what they did? Was she crying because of him?

"Are you okay?" He asked gently.

"I don't know, Seiya," she whispered. With a sigh she sat down onto the cool marble floor and sat with her back against the side of the large bathtub. Seiya was quick to sit down beside her and rest a gentle hand on her knee. Instinctively, she leaned into his warm body.

It scared him to voice it out loud, but he managed to ask, "Do you regret it?" His voice was small and he hoped he didn't sound as pathetic as he felt.

"No and yes," she said with a frown. She took a deep breath and began to wipe tears away with the palm of her hand.

"I meant everything I said last night, Seiya. I care about you so much and I had the most amazing night, but I'm just s-so a-ashamed that I did that to Mamo!" The tears began to fall heavier now, and Seiya didn't know which feeling to settle on. It was like a punch to his heart to know that she was so upset.

Shame was something he didn't want her to feel. Certainly not because of him.

"He's so far away," she croaked out.

"Usa…" His hand gave her knee a gentle squeeze. "You didn't do it alone."

"It doesn't matter. You don't have an obligation to him, Seiya. You don't have his heart."

Something about that - that her shame was about betraying Mamoru's trust and not because of what they had done - gave him an inch of relief.

With a gentle look, he moved his hand to take hers. "We all mess up sometimes. It doesn't make you a bad person."

"No, I think it does," she whispered.

"It doesn't." Seiya brought her hand to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to it. He knew he was going out on a limb here with what he had to say. He closed his eyes and steeled himself before he asked in a careful voice, "What if… What if you're not the only one who feels stuck in the relationship?"

"What?" She asked, pulling her hand away. He could tell from the way that she held her hand to her chest and looked at him with deeply troubled eyes that he had offended her.

"Everything you said last night, Usa. What if that feeling of having to do what's expected of you because of your past life is something Mamoru feels too?"

Her eyebrows rose before she looked away. Through her thick, wet lashes, Seiya could see her shining blue eyes looking down into her lap, deep in thought. He knew that it was a thought that had crossed her mind. She had said it many times, just not so bluntly.

Finally she looked up and gave her head a small shake.

"It doesn't matter, Seiya. It still wouldn't justify what I've done. I betrayed him." She looked down at her left hand and then gave a heavy sigh, as if annoyed that she hadn't worn her heart-shaped ring.

What could he say to that? He wished he could hug her pain away.

"We'll figure this out," he offered.

"It's not for you to figure out, Seiya." She sounded annoyed, though he couldn't tell if she was annoyed with him or with herself. Suddenly she was moving to stand.

"I need to go," she said as she quickly glanced in the mirror and smoothed her bangs.

He knew that her coldness wasn't directed at him. Usagi was a selfless person by nature, and she had just allowed herself to be selfish without fully considering the consequences. Now she was feeling guilty and was shutting down. He frowned, thinking of how certain she had seemed. He knew she was free to make her own decisions, but he kicked himself for not trying harder to dissuade her...

With a twinge of shame in his chest, he realized that his eyes were stinging with tears. He clenched his jaw tightly and tried furiously to blink them back.

"Oh, Seiya," Usagi whispered. Suddenly her small, warm hands were resting on his bare chest.

"I made a choice, Seiya-kun. It wasn't kind but it was my choice. I don't regret what we did," she said, lifting a hand to cup his cheek. "I just regret how I did it."

He nodded and took her hand, then turned his face to press a small kiss to it.

"I know that you have a lot to think about," he began. "I want you to do what's right, but I just- Usagi, please remember that my feelings are in this too."

When Usagi had left - disguised with auburn hair that clashed horribly with her blue eyes - she had asked Seiya for one thing: time to think.

Think about what? He wasn't sure, but he couldn't ignore the sad twist of her face and the conflict in her large eyes. If she needed time, he would have to give it. He didn't say it, but he hoped it would work out in his favor.

It had to.

For the next day, all he could do was _try_ to be patient. Unfortunately, he was anything but. It took everything he had in her to stop himself from calling her.

When he closed his eyes, he could vividly picture the perfect night with the girl he had been pining over for years. He reflected on the softness of her skin, the fullness of her curves, and the sounds that she made during their night together. Desire stirred within him, but it was much more than that. When he thought of the conversation they had afterward, tangled limbs covered in sweat, his heart felt warm. She had opened herself up to him. She had exposed so much.

Best of all, she had admitted something that he had only dreamed of ever hearing her say.

He had made a place for himself in her heart.

But it hurt. The devastation in her eyes and the sadness in her voice made him wonder if he'd made a mistake in encouraging her. Should he have turned her away? Reminded her about the prince she was supposed to marry? But it's not what she wanted, was it? He hated how conflicted and confused she was. She seemed so doubtful of herself. She knew what she wanted but wouldn't let herself have it. As usual, Usagi was content to sacrifice her happiness for the happiness of those around her.

His mind wandered back to her story of their relationship. Something about it made his stomach lurch. Why were her guardians so adamant about creating this perfect kingdom? It seemed overbearing. It seemed _wrong_.

And why did Mamoru go along with it? Usagi had said it herself - he was waiting for her to turn into Princess Serenity. From what he could understand, Mamoru didn't even _like_ Usagi until he found out that she was the moon princess. Things about her that Seiya loved were things that her fiancé only tolerated. Mamoru was waiting for her to grow up into someone she didn't want to be.

The longer Seiya thought about it, the more upset he became. Suddenly, he was reacting. His body felt almost out of control, like it had so many times when he was an angry kid with too much pent up emotions and nothing to focus it on.

_"She's a liability," a voice spoke. The lanky man wore an elegant black outfit with golden snaps, buttons, and fringed lapels. A small, golden pin on his chest in the shape of a flower marked his designation. He was a close advisor to the queen._

_"She's argumentative and violent," he continued. "Today she was inches from assaulting the ambassador from Mauru! Had his personal guard not intervened-"_

_"He made a vile comment about the princess," a voice spat in rebuttal._

_"You're a courtier, not a soldier. You broke the guard's nose! Do you have any idea the impact on diplomacy your actions can have?" He stopped, gasping for air before he could rant for too long. Shaking his head with exasperation, he looked back to the queen. "You see, Your Majesty? She can't even handle being a lady-in-waiting, so how can we expect her to be a sailor guardian? Madam, it's a mistake."_

_Queen Kumiko was a beautiful older woman with a small nose, bright amber eyes, and fine lines drawn onto her otherwise smooth, pale skin. Her long hair, which had been done up in an elaborate braided up-do, was streaked with silver and decorated with golden pins. She sat regally upon a golden chair, dressed in a fine black gown with golden embroidery.  
_

_The queen gave her advisor a disapproving look. "Do not insult the girl, Jaren. She is nobility."_

_"She may be feisty," she continued, a glint of amusement in her eyes, "...but she is strong and very loyal to my daughter. And, lest we not forget, being a guardian is her calling. It has been passed down through her bloodline to her. That is something we cannot take away."_

_She turned to the young courtier in question. The young noblewoman looked to be about twelve-years-old, with intense, navy blue eyes. Her long, curly black hair was pinned up into a feminine hairstyle and decorated with small orange flowers. Her gown, made of heavy silk and embroidered with floral designs made from golden thread, felt heavy and hot against her skin. Even as a child just approaching her teen years, she held her head high and shoulders back, standing with grace and confidence. She would have looked her status had it not been for the angry pout or the black-and-blue bruise that sat garishly below her left eye - a remnant of her scuffle with the ambassador's personal guard._

_"You don't want to be a lady-in-waiting to my daughter, do you, Lady Seiya?" The Queen asked._

_The young girl dropped onto one knee and bowed her head respectfully. "No, your majesty. I want to serve my princess, but as a sailor guardian. I know that two of the other courtiers from guardian moons will begin training soon." She gave the Queen a hopeful glance. "I want to join them. I'm ready."_

_"Please let her, mummy," the princess piped. "I know she'll keep me safe."_

_The queen eyed her daughter carefully. The young princess's ruby red eyes were kind and knowing. As she looked at Lady Seiya, she seemed so sure of her. _

_Lady Seiya's eyes glanced at the young princess who she was grateful to call a friend. After her short time as a lady-in-waiting to Princess Kakyuu, they had gotten to know each other well, but she didn't want to brush the princess' hair or help her with her sewing. She wanted to protect her. She wanted to train so that she could step into the role that had been passed down to her by her family. Sure, she knew the custom- a future guardian who has been identified by bloodline or the awakening of powers was required to serve at court before they could begin training. However, she hated it. She was ready to be rid of this heavy dress and the confinement of being a "lady".  
_

_"Well, that's settled then," the queen said. She looked to Lady Seiya and gave a regal nod. "You will begin your training with Yaten and Taiki."_

_"But, Your Majesty-"_

_"I have spoken, Jaren. This little one deserves a chance," she said. Stepping closer, Queen Kumiko took Lady Seiya's small hands into her own. A feeling came over the young girl just then, starting at her palms and spreading to the rest of her body. The energy was warm and pure, like her mother's hugs, and it pulsed through the monarch's soft hands and into her own body. When she looked down she could see the soft, pink glow of magic. Her body reacted in a way that she'd only felt once before. At once, her forehead began to pulse, and a small golden star appeared. The light from this reflected onto the Queen's pale face._

_The Queen looked back over her shoulder and shot a playful smile to her stiff advisor. "You see, Jaren? It's her destiny."_

Seiya snorted at the memory. He had been such a hothead when he was younger - arguing, picking fights, and reacting with full force before he took time to think about what he was doing. Being a sailor _senshi_ gave him a place to focus his energy. He felt like he had a real purpose.

But now, his purpose had shifted and he no longer felt grounded. He didn't have a mission to guide him. How could he possibly protect Usagi from her own thoughts? Her own guardians? Slipping out into the night as Sailor Star Fighter helped calm him at times, but it wouldn't help now. All he wanted to do was chew someone out. Scream at them. Let them know how fucked up this all was.

He wanted to make someone just as angry as he was.

He hadn't arranged for Arashi to pick him up that day and he wouldn't dare to have someone else see him in that state anyhow. As he drove himself in a sporty black car that often sat parked in the garage beneath his building, he knew that anyone with half a brain would try to stop him.

_This is stupid,_ he heard Yaten's voice call out in his head. If the silver-haired sailor guardian was sitting in the seat beside him, she'd be scowling. _You're making trouble again._

The race track was buzzing when he arrived there. The parking lot was not as full as it would be on a race day, but he could see that there were plenty of cars parked in an area designated for crew. He followed the deafening sounds of loud engines and the vibrations of the cars, soon finding himself surrounded by people. There were barely any spectators in the stands - maybe a few family members or friends of the drivers - but the pits were bustling with drivers, trainers, and crew.

A young woman with a ponytail, a pressed polo shirt, and a black headset quickly approached him.

"Can I help you?" She asked. Beside her, two men were discussing a racer's improved time.

He looked beyond her and spotted a tall, slender racer with sandy blonde hair. They turned, and their icy blue eyes met his dark ones.

"No, I found exactly what I was looking for," he said with a grin.

He turned and walked back to the parking lot, leaving the woman confused.

Just as Seiya expected, a figure emerged from the exit moments after he did. Haruka Tenou's face was pinched into an angry scowl, eyes focused like lasers on the dark-haired singer. She approached Seiya in quick strides, her short blonde hair waving in the wind as she moved.

"What are you doing here, Kou?" She asked venomously.

"I want to talk to you," he said calmly.

"Go home, Kou. Those are the only words I need to say to you."

"I have a few more words than that," Seiya started as the race-car driver turned away. He raised his voice, calling loudly so that he knew the blonde could hear him, "Like, be a better guardian and start treating your princess with some respect!"

The tall blonde froze where she stood. She turned, her eyes narrowed with a threatening glare.

"What the hell did you just say to me?" Haruka growled out. She began to move toward Seiya again with the full force of her anger behind her.

"You heard me. You tell her how to live her life! What to do, who to love... It seems like the senshi in this solar system don't understand that your loyalty should be to your princess and not to your own political agenda."

"My loyalty is to my princess! How dare you?"

"Yeah, some loyalty. You control her. You force her to be in a relationship with a person that she's not even sure about because it's the future you all decided was right. Have you ever once stopped to ask her how she feels about it? Do you even care?"

"She's just a kid! She needs guidance!" Haruka's face was getting red as her voice grew louder.

"She's not a kid, Tenou! She's a fucking adult! And what she _needs_ are senshi who know their place."

"And what about your place, Kou? What are you doing here? You want to talk about loyalty? Where's _your_ princess?" Stepping forward, Haruka gave Seiya's chest a hard shove.

He stumbled back and raised his hands in surrender. He came here to give Haruka a piece of his mind and piss her off, not fight her.

Yaten's voice in his head was as clear as day. _Well what the hell did you think was going to happen? That's right-you don't think! You never do!_

"I'm not going to hit you back, Tenou," Seiya said, taking another step back. Besides, Haruka's words struck a sore spot in him. He had begged for the chance to protect Princess Kakyuu, yet he was trying to protect someone else. He left his princess so that he could do what? Be a boy? Even though it was Kakyuu-sama's idea, did it matter?

_"I can't stand seeing you look so sad," Kakyuu whispered, a gentle hand resting on Seiya's shoulder._

_"I'll get over it, Princess."_

_"No, you won't, and I wouldn't want you to. How does one get over who they are? This isn't the life I want for you, my friend."_

"Why not?" Haruka's voice was still taunting him, and he quickly shook off the memory. "You're worried you're going to lose? Fight for her if you want her so bad," She said as she moved forward, pushing Seiya once again.

"I'm not going to fight a girl," he growled out, pushing Haruka's hands away.

"I'm as much of a girl as you are!"

There was a heavy pause between them as Seiya considered Haruka's challenge.

What was so different about them anyway?

Maybe their issue was that they were too much alike.

When Haruka reached forward to shove Seiya again, the dark-haired man went in for a punch. He could feel his fist connect with flesh, but before he could even _think_ about feeling smug, the pair was locked in a tangle. He didn't know who had who, but they both tried their best to get the other down to the ground, occasionally throwing rushed punches whenever they found an opening. Moments later Seiya heard yelling and then felt a new set of hands pulling them apart.

"Stop that! Haruka, stop!" Michiru cried out. With wide blue eyes, she begged, "What is going on out here? What the hell is wrong with you two?!"

Breathing heavily, Haruka slowly wiped blood off her lip with the back of her hand and muttered, "We were just talking."

"Talking?" She asked, exasperated. Haruka put up a hand, signaling that she wasn't ready to talk, and walked away in a hurry.

"Seiya? Wh-what the hell just happened? What are you doing here?"

"Let's go, Michiru!" Haruka called out angrily, not bothering to look at Seiya or her wife.

Michiru looked conflicted. She wanted to follow her partner, but she also wanted to know what was happening.

With his face red and his heart pounding with adrenaline, Seiya simply shook his head. "Do you think that the way you control your princess is okay? Do you think it's right?"

"I... _what_?"

"Do you think it's right that you all make her carry the weight of making this future Tokyo happen?"

"I-I don't know," Michiru said, astonished.

"It shouldn't be that hard to figure out! No, it's not right! It's so messed up. Why can't you see that? Why can't you guys see how unhappy she is?" Seiya's voice cracked as he spoke, and it took him a moment to realize that he was crying.

_Shit!_

He wiped the angry tears away and turned on his heel, heading back to his car.

Michiru stood still, tears welling in her own blue eyes.

When Seiya arrived at his apartment, he changed out of his clothes and sat down at the kitchen table. With a sigh he leaned forward onto the table, resting his chin in his hand. He willed his Change Star to appear and took a deep breath. He knew who he wanted to talk to, but he wasn't sure if _they_ wanted to talk to him. It took him a moment to muster the courage, but in his mind he pictured bright green eyes and flowing silver hair.

"You don't have to answer me, but I wanted to tell you that I punched Sailor Uranus today."

It was moments of him drawing imaginary circles onto the wood table before he heard the sound of Yaten's feminine, melodic voice.

"That's the best news I've heard all day," she said. Seiya knew that the woman - probably lounging in her glossy black uniform - was grinning. "I'm willing to listen to some details."

An amused laugh came from Seiya's chest.

"It's a long story," he murmured. He knew that Yaten wouldn't approve. "I just hate how they treat Usagi, so I went to talk to Tenou about it. Things got out of hand."

"Wait, this was over Usagi?" Yaten asked with a loud, exasperated sigh. "Seiya, what are you doing? If you cause too much trouble they won't let you stay."

"Uranus started it. I was just trying to talk, honestly, but she kept putting her hands on me. I thought you didn't want me to stay here?"

"Well, I don't. But if you come home, I want it to be your choice, not because you got kicked out for being stupid."

"I know. You're right."

Yaten sighed again before she spoke. "Don't let your temper get the best of you, okay? Besides, it's up to the odango-atama to take care of that mess with her guardians. It's not your job to fix her problems, Seiya."

"Yaten, they're so selfish-"

"-Nope! I don't want to hear it! Fighter, listen to my words." She spoke slowly and deliberately. It was rather condescending, really. "It's not your job to fix her problems. Either she lets her guardians control her or she reminds them who the boss is. They won't listen to you, but they have to listen to her."

Seiya closed his eyes and pressed his face to the table.

"Why does this have to be so hard?" He mumbled, his mouth muffled by smooth wood.

Yaten's laughter was smooth and warm, like a fresh cup of tea.

"Because you're an idiot and decided to fall in love with the most complicated girl you could find," she answered. "Have you kissed her yet?"

The long sigh that Seiya let go of turned into a loud, frustrated groan.

"Yaten, it's so much more complicated than that. And _she_ kissed me."

"More complicated? Did you two…?" She gasped, "You did, didn't you?!" Suddenly, the silver-haired girl was laughing. "Woah! Oh God, Seiya! What have you gotten yourself into?"

All the man could do was blush and groan miserably in response.

"Oh, you've dug your own grave with this one. Sailor Uranus is going to _murder_ you!"

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine his dear friend's face. He missed her twinkling green eyes so much.

"I don't know what to do, Yaten," he said softly. The woman's laughter slowly stopped, and then she let out a huge sigh.

"About Uranus or Usagi?"

"Usagi."

"Well, my advice would have been _not_ to sleep with the engaged princess..."

"Too late."

"Do her guardians know? Shit, does her fiance know?"

"No, I don't think so. I think you're the only one that knows."

"Holy shit, Seiya. What were you thinking? Is it awkward between you two now?"

"I don't know if that's the right word," he said with a sigh. He knew he shouldn't be sharing, but he needed _someone_ to understand. "It's definitely weird. She feels pretty bad."

"Well... I don't know, Seiya. Maybe you just need to let her figure things out at her own pace."

Seiya was quiet as he considered Yaten's advice. He wished there was more guidance, but he understood. How does one give advice on such a messy situation?

"Thanks for taking my call," Seiya said softly. "I miss you, sister."

"I miss you too, Seiya. Please take care of yourself."

He nodded, though she couldn't see.

After Yaten had swore that she would never tell a single living soul about his situation, he allowed his Change Star to disappear and looked longingly at his phone. He wanted to talk about this with Usagi so badly, but he knew that Yaten was right. With a sigh, he got up and decided to busy himself with his guitar.

He had to stop trying to fix everything. He would have to let Usagi sort out her feelings out on her own. With his guitar now in his hands, his eyes glanced to a thick card on the coffee table - an invitation to Aino Minako's album release party. With a heavy sigh and an experimental strum against the strings of his guitar, he contemplated if he should just skip it. As much as he wanted to give Usagi her space, he didn't know how he would handle actually _seeing_ her.

But, he couldn't skip his obligation... and honestly? He couldn't pass up this chance to see her.

_I can let her know I care without getting too involved_, but as he thought of her softness of her skin and the way her eyes shimmered in the moonlight, he knew he was just kidding himself.


	18. Chapter 16: Friction

A/N: Hello, everyone! I hope you're all doing well. I have been called back to work so I haven't had as much time to write as I did before, but this has been a welcome distraction from the chaos. I tinkered way too much with this chapter (I was going to post it at about 4,000 words and now it has 7,600+... oops), so I'm just going to have to take the plunge and post it. Warnings for language and sexuality.

Thank you to everyone who takes time to leave comments (they really make my day), to follow, and to favorite!

This chapter is full of angst and drama. Enjoy! :) -Amethyst

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CHAPTER 16: FRICTION

When Usagi had learned of Chibiusa's disappearance from her timeline, she had gone home with a heart full of anxiety and guilt. With a pain in her chest and sickness in her stomach, she had thought of the little girl with pink hair and bright eyes that she loved so much, and she blamed herself. She didn't think it was possible to feel worse than she did on that day, but as it turns out, she was terribly wrong.

Grieving the loss of Chibiusa was hard and far from over, but _this_ was somehow more painful. She felt like she had done the worst thing a partner could do. She had betrayed Mamoru, and in the process, had most likely ruined any chance she would have of bringing their future daughter back.

Would he forgive her?

_No,_ she thought. _I don't think he would._

_What am I going to say to him? I have to tell him..._

She wanted nothing more than to sit at home and cry, but as she eyed her sullen reflection in her vanity mirror, she knew she couldn't break another promise to someone she cared about. Besides, she wasn't creative enough to make up an excuse that would placate Minako for missing her album release party.

She wished the earth would open up and swallow her whole. Maybe that would be a good enough excuse.

Usagi's frustration grew as she tried to get her makeup right. First, it was the thought of Seiya, his soft panting and pleasured whispers that distracted her from her task. She closed her eyes and took a selfish moment to enjoy the memory, but soon it was invaded by the sound of Mamoru's imaginary voice ringing throughout her brain.

_Why would you do this to me?_ It asked.

Her hands trembled as she tried to wing her eyeliner, and after three attempts of rubbing the wobbled lines away, she decided to simply wear mascara instead.

When she made it down the stairs, dressed in a peach cocktail dress with lace that hugged her bodice and chiffon that teased the skin just above her knees, she walked up to her friend's sensible but cute electric car and gave a pathetic smile.

"Usagi-chan! You look beautiful!" Ami-chan gushed. Her chin-length hair had been curled and brushed out to create soft waves that reminded Usagi of a calm sea. A dash of shimmery bronze eyeshadow and a flirty navy blue dress accentuated the cobalt-blue of her eyes.

"You do too, Ami-chan," Usagi responded softly, though she truly meant it.

"And I love your necklace," Ami added, leaning in a little bit more to get a better look at the charm that rested against the blonde's smooth décolleté. "You wore that at Seiya's concert, didn't you?"

Usagi brought a hand to touch the delicate silver rabbit. She had debated leaving it at home and pushing any reminder of Seiya out of sight, if only for the night, but she had hesitated in her bedroom doorway. With a sigh and a wry smile, she picked up the little silver object that often brought her comfort. She wondered if anyone had noticed that it didn't appear on her neck until the end of that concert.

"Yeah, I did. Thanks," she answered before quickly changing the subject. "Is anyone there yet?"

"I just got a text from Mako-chan that said that they're inside already. The line is massive, but she says we can just skip it. She said it looks amazing in there! There's lots of food, a photo-booth, and ..."

Usagi would normally grin at the her usually quiet friend's excitement, but all she could muster up was a stupid half-smile. As they rode together with the radio turned down low, she tried her best to make small talk, but it was painfully uncomfortable. All she wanted to talk about was what happened the other night between her and Seiya, but she couldn't. Not to Ami. Not to anyone. The only person who she felt comfortable enough to talk to was the one person she was trying to stay away from.

Ami's eyes glanced her way.

"Is something wrong, Usagi-chan?"

"Hm?"

"You seem a little quiet today."

She shrugged. "I'm just tired," she said before giving a soft smile. "I'm sure I'll perk up once we get there."

"Oh, okay."

There was a pause and then, "Is Seiya going to be there?"

Ami's voice was light and warm-she was just making conversation, but Usagi's stomach suddenly felt like it was full of rocks. She tried her best to relax her jaw and narrow her widened eyes before her friend could notice her reaction.

"Uh, I ... I don't know."

_Is he…?_

She didn't think about that.

"They have that new single together so I thought he might. Besides, I'm sure he was invited," Ami explained.

"Yeah, I'm sure he was. Wow, it's _so_ stuffy in here. Do you think so? I think so. It's hot right? You know, don't worry about it, I'm just going to open a window," Usagi babbled, quickly pressing down on the button as the window went down with a _whirr._

When the girls arrived at the door of the nightclub (after suffering through dirty looks from a line full of strangers as they skipped to the front and told the bouncer they were "on the list"), Usagi found that her nervousness had grown so much that she actually felt sick. With trembling fingers, she showed her ID card to the stone-faced bouncer and hoped she didn't look suspicious. He didn't seem to notice. He placed a neon bracelet around her wrist and unhooked the velvet rope with a nod and a smile.

"Enjoy your night, ladies," he said. The girls gave each other a glance before they stepped through the doorway and into the moody blue lighting of the club.

It was easily one of the nicest places Usagi had ever been in.

The furniture and walls were black with a soft, silky-looking quilted pattern, and chandeliers were suspended from the ceiling. Soft, blue light emanating from above created a sultry, mysterious feel to the high-end bar. Not one to miss the food, Usagi could see small tables with finger foods and bite-sized desserts. Attractive servers dressed in black moved skillfully around the floor, collecting abandoned plates and serving drinks to well-dressed guests in roped off booths. Minako's album cover - an artsy photo of her looking off-camera with thick black eyeliner and disheveled hair - was large and prominently displayed in sleek black frames around the club. She looked up to see balconies on either side of the room with overhead views of the stage, but they were so high up and dimly lit that she couldn't see into them. A flash of light distracted Usagi, and she turned toward it to see a group of girls getting their photo taken in the photo booth. At the front of the room was a stage, quiet and concealed by a black velvet curtain.

She was distracted from her gaping when Ami tapped her arm.

"Over there, Usagi-chan," she said, pointing to a familiar head of wavy brown hair that stood a few inches above most of the other women in the crowd.

Usagi glanced at Makoto and then at the large bar in the opposite direction. Alcohol probably wouldn't help the anxiety that rumbled in her stomach, but she desperately wanted something to hold in her hand to stop herself from fidgeting.

"I'm gonna go get a drink first, I'll meet you over there," Usagi called out.

She was leaning against the bar signing her name onto the receipt when she felt a hand on her lower back. Even though she expected to see him, when she turned her head she couldn't stop her breath from hitching in her throat. She managed to fight the smile that begged to form on her lips because _no, no, no! Usagi, you shouldn't be so happy to see him_, she chided herself.

Seiya stood close to her, dressed in a fitted white suit with a crimson shirt peeking out from underneath. When she inhaled deeply through her nose, she could smell the spicy scent of his cologne.

He shouldn't take her breath away like this.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly, taking in her strained expression. The sound of his voice sent a buzz throughout her body and it took every ounce of self-control she had in her not to press herself into his touch. God, she wished they were alone.

_Wait, no! No, Usagi! You can't be alone with him!_

She noticed a small, yellowed bruise on his cheek and wanted to ask about it, but instead she found herself saying:

"Move your hand, please. Everyone's here and I don't want them to suspect anything."

He did so and put his hand on the bar. Instantly, she missed the feel of him. She wished she could reach out and pull him close; to breathe in more of his scent and soak in his warmth. The two stood beside each other, their heads tilted close so that they could speak without being heard.

"I'm trying so hard to stay away, Usagi, but I can't stop thinking about you," he said, his voice thick with ache and longing.

She knew that he could always see through her. There was no point in lying.

"I can't either, Seiya-kun, but what I did was wrong. I need to figure out how to fix this."

"Come over tonight," he said bluntly. With a frustrated sigh, he brought his hand to his forehead and closed his eyes. "Damnit," he muttered. She almost laughed. She could see on his face that he had not planned to ask her that. _Typical Seiya,_ she thought to herself. _Speaking before he thinks._

He recovered and added, "I don't mean to do anything like _that_," he implied. "I mean to hang out. I just miss being around you."

She wished she could say yes. The thought of curling up with him on the couch after a long night of dancing and listening to him talk until she fell asleep was so appealing to her.

But she couldn't.

Eyes wide like a deer in headlights, Usagi shook her head. "I can't."

"Can I come to your place?"

With a soft blush, she averted her gaze to the drink she had just ordered and hadn't touched. She put her hands to the glass, hoping the coolness of the condensation on the outside of it would help ground her.

"No, I... I don't trust myself alone with you," she answered, her eyes focused on the pale drink of ginger and vodka.

He was quiet as he studied her face. She could feel his navy eyes looking her over, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Her heart skipped a beat when he reached over and tucked a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear. She looked up, then quickly glanced in the direction of her friends. She couldn't see them and hoped they couldn't see her.

"What do you want?" He asked gently.

She was silent. What did she want? She wanted Chibiusa. She wanted Mamoru to be happy and to not hate her. She wanted the people of Earth to live long, peaceful lives. She wanted to go home with Seiya. She wanted to listen to him sing and play guitar, to hear his laughter, and to snort at his stupid jokes. She wanted to cuddle with him in the night and tell him her deepest, darkest secrets. She wanted to touch his skin, to be underneath him…

The feel of Seiya's hand on hers jolted her from her musing. Her eyes were wide and questioning as he picked up her drink with his other hand and asked gently, "Come with me?"

She craned her neck, looking for Ami's blue hair in the crowd, before she turned to Seiya and gave a short nod. Her heart pounded as he lead her away from the crowded bar area and toward the hallway where the bathrooms were. As they got closer, she noticed a dimly lit staircase that she didn't see earlier. At the bottom was a thin but muscular bouncer, his arms folded in front of his chest as he stood at his post.

"Is the lounge open?" Seiya asked, dropping his companion's hand and raising his wrist to show off the plastic wristband.

"Yes, sir," the bouncer answered as he moved aside. Usagi found herself looking at her own wrist and wondering what other perks she had that she didn't know about. Once they were at the top of the stairs, she realized that this was one of the private balconies she had eyed when she had entered the club.

The space was larger than she had thought when she was looking up from below. It was more of a room, but had a large opening protected by a railing so that guests could watch the stage below. It was cozy, with plush leather furniture and small tables decorated with flickering tea-light candles that added a bit of warmth to the blue lighting of the club. The empty ice buckets and upside-down, unused champagne flutes told her that no one was using the room yet.

She noticed right away that she couldn't see the crowd from where she stood near the top of the staircase. It was also much quieter than it had been downstairs on the main floor, and now the loud conversations of the people below were more of a murmur. She was tempted to walk to balcony opening and peer over the rails, but before she could, Seiya had set her drink down on a ledge and stepped in front of her, his taller frame pressing her back against the wall. She could feel the gentle pulse of house music through speakers behind her.

She couldn't resist him. She closed her eyes and let out a shallow, shaky breath, feeling his thumb brush against her bottom lip.

"I miss you," he murmured. "Do you miss me too?"

She looked into his blue eyes, getting swept away in his vulnerability and obvious lust.

"More than anything," she admitted.

His lips curved into a small smile of approval as his finger touched the silver rabbit charm he had given her weeks before. She couldn't speak, so she just closed her eyes, enjoying the buzz that flowed through her body as that same finger traced the top of her cleavage. When he lowered his head and began to place gentle kisses along the side of her neck, his hand cupped her breast, and his thumb teasingly brushed over her nipple through the lacy fabric of her dress. She breathed out a soft, pleasured sigh.

"Seiya, this isn't a good idea," she moaned faintly, moving her fingers along his spine.

"I need you," he murmured into her skin, inhaling the scent of her light, fruity perfume. She hoped he wouldn't leave a mark on her shoulder, but the feel of his lips and teeth against her skin was too good to stop.

"We can't," she breathed out. Her hand slipped beneath the jacket of his suit, hoping to feel his skin, but challenged by his tucked undershirt. She gripped him tight, frustrated by the lack of contact, and by the feeling that swelled and pulsed throughout her body.

"I love you," he whispered. She wasn't sure what caused her stomach to flip or her breath to catch-his admission that he loved her, or the way his soft, warm hands found their way beneath the skirt of her dress, caressing the outside of her thigh. He looked at her, waiting for her to say something, but all she could do was move forward and catch his lips with her own. She could feel him melt into it, his lower body pressing against hers, and his hand gripping her bottom and pulling her closer. She wanted to wrap her legs around him and let him take her right then, right there, but knew she couldn't.

Her chest heaving with labored breath, she rasped out, "We can't do this here. Someone might see." The air filling her lungs brought her down to earth, and the sound of Mamoru's voice invaded her mind again. It was like a bucket of cold water being thrown over her body.

"Seiya, I really can't do this with you," she said more firmly this time. "I won't. I'm saying no." She put her hand on his chest and gently pushed him away from her. He didn't argue.

He took several steps back and nodded quickly, his eyes closed as he tried to catch his breath. Usagi's own desire pulsed and intensified when she noticed his hardness pressing against the unforgiving fabric of his tight pants.

"I'm sorry. I really did mean to give you space," he murmured ruefully, his dark eyes looking down at the floor. "I'm really sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she said, frowning. "It's my fault too."

She looked over her shoulder to the staircase that led to the party below. "I have to go back downstairs," she said.

"Fix your makeup first," he said, gesturing toward a closed door on the other side of the staircase. "There's a private bathroom over there."

With an amused huff, she raised a curious eyebrow and asked, "Have you brought girls up here before?"

"No, but I've been here and I've definitely thought about it," he answered with a lop-sided smirk. She could see a small smear of pink gloss near his freshly-kissed lips.

"You should clean up too," she said, motioning to her own mouth. As he wiped at the smudge and looked down at his fingers, Usagi turned away to find the mirror before his voice stopped her.

"You haven't said it back, but I know you feel it too."

She couldn't look at him. She made her way into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

When Usagi emerged from the bathroom with glossy pink lips, she noticed that the balcony was empty. With a frown, she made her way down the stairs and passed the bouncer, who only acknowledged her with a nod. She was grateful that no one noticed her as she stepped back onto the main floor. The crowd was quiet now as they trained their attention onto the stage. There in the spotlight, her taupe dress glittering beneath the bright stage lights, was a famous pop-star by the name of Kiki introducing Minako onto the stage. If it were any other time, Usagi would be excited. She _loved_ Kiki's music, but all she cared about at that moment was finding her friends and pretending like she wasn't just a few fondles away from letting her best friend bang her in the VIP room of a crowded nightclub.

"I've been watching Minako's career and I'm so proud to be introducing her today at the release of her newest album," the woman announced into the microphone, her cheery voice spilling from the speakers and filling the room. Usagi continued to snake around people she didn't know, her eyes searching for familiar faces. As the crowd erupted into loud cheers and claps, she spotted the unmistakable wavy, blue-green tresses of Kaiou Michiru. Her wife stood beside her, a hand resting comfortably on the smaller woman's waist.

Usagi winced inwardly and hoped that Haruka didn't have anything snarky to say about Seiya today. She didn't think she could handle it.

"There you are, Koneko-chan!" Haruka's voice called out loudly as the band began to play. Usagi thought that she looked more feminine than usual, dressed in a short, tight black dress that hugged her slender form. She wore more makeup than Usagi was used to seeing her in, and when she looked closely, she could see a healing cut on her lower lip concealed mostly by nude lipstick. The smudged, jet-black eyeliner she wore made her eyes look sultry and piercing.

"I was just asking about you," Michiru said as she quickly stepped forward and gathered Usagi's hands in her own. She leaned in and placed a chaste, posh kiss on each of the blonde's cheeks.

"Oo, you smell nice, Usagi-chan," she commented.

At once, Usagi was all too aware that her girly, fruity perfume was peppered with the smell of Seiya's masculine cologne.

"Thanks," she said with a slight blush.

"Where were you? I went to the bar to find you but you weren't there," Makoto asked, her voice laced with worry. "You've been gone for awhile."

Before Usagi could answer, she felt someone step into the group beside her. She looked over to find Seiya with a casual smile and two fresh drinks in his hand.

"I think I got your order right," she heard him say over the loud music. With a shy smile and a beet-red blush, she accepted the drink into her hand. She had forgotten that her entire reason for separating from Ami was to get a drink, which now sat upstairs, watering itself down with melting ice.

"Hey, Seiya! We were wondering if you were here tonight!" Makoto greeted him with a warm smile. "I guess that answers all my questions," she joked, though Usagi didn't miss Rei's questioning glance or the way the two outer senshi tensed.

"I'm sorry, guys. I caught her on my way in and was showing her around. I've played a few shows here," he answered, raising his voice to be heard over the sound of Minako's dramatic vibrato. "It's a beautiful venue."

"Wow, that's really cool. I'd love a tour too," Makoto said sweetly, taking a moment to sweep her eyes over the swanky club.

"There's a VIP lounge upstairs. We all have wristbands, I can show you all where it is," he offered, as if he and Usagi hadn't just been there.

"Will we be able to see Minako-chan better?" Rei asked, looking toward the stage. She definitely wasn't as short as Usagi (not many adults were), but it was still a little hard to see. She stepped on her toes to see past the man standing in front of her.

"Absolutely, you can see everything from there."

With furrowed brows, Usagi realized that Haruka was still watching Seiya with an icy glare that never faltered. Once the long-haired singer finally caught Haruka's look, the smile fell from his face and the two were locked in a tense staring match.

This was worse than she had thought it would be.

Michiru placed her hand onto her partner's arm and whispered something into her ear that Usagi couldn't hear over the music. It didn't seem to have any effect. The wind guardian's eyes were just as hard as they had been just a moment ago.

Nervously, Usagi placed her hand on Seiya's wrist and gave it a gentle tug.

"Why don't you lead the way, Seiya-kun?" Usagi said, leaning in. The music was so loud now that she still found herself shouting. He looked to her, a little surprised that she would show so much familiarity in front of her friends, and then nodded his head.

As he began to move toward the stairs, Usagi released her hold and let herself fall behind him with the rest of the group. Immediately, Rei was beside her with inquisitive eyes and asked, "What the hell was all that about?"

All she could do was shrug. She looked back over her shoulder to see Haruka and Michiru engaged in a heated conversation, their bodies close and hands moving frantically as they tried to speak to each other over the applause of the crowd. She didn't expect them to join, but soon they were climbing up the stairs behind the rest of the girls.

Seiya wasn't exaggerating about the view from the balcony. They could see Minako clearly as she sang into her microphone and moved her body with practiced, choreographed steps. Two dancers dressed in complimentary costumes danced behind her and the bright, colorful stage lights moved and flashed along to the beats of the music. Maybe their group of seven was a little too much for the small railing of the balcony, but they made it work.

Usagi stole a glance to her right. The tall, sandy-haired blonde looked her way, but not _at_ her. She was looking at Seiya. Turning to her left, it didn't surprise Usagi that he was looking too.

She leaned toward him and asked loudly, "What's going on between you and Haruka?"

"We'll talk about it later," he answered shortly before turning away, a pensive look drawn on his face.

It was as Usagi was leaning more heavily against the sturdy railing, her feet beginning to ache in her heels, that Minako left the stage for a short interlude. As the blonde singer bounced into the darkness of the backstage area, the stage lights dimmed and a video documenting the making of her album began to play on two screens that hung on either side of the stage. Usagi realized that she had already seen it yesterday. Minako was so thrilled when the editor had finished it that she sent it out in a group text message.

"Oh, look," Makoto observed, gesturing to a screen on the wall behind them. Earlier it had shown a live feed of the stage, but now it was playing the same video.

With a grateful sigh, Usagi plopped onto the leather sofa. Of course, Seiya sat down right beside her. They were so close that their legs brushed against one another, and the blonde quickly moved her leg away. She sat stiffly with her hands on her knees and prayed that she wasn't being noticeably awkward.

"Don't be so awkward," Seiya whispered, a hint of amusement in his voice.

_Damn_. She rested her hands in her lap instead. Suddenly, she felt too hot. Was she breathing normally? Was she breathing at all? She clenched her hands and tried her best to act natural. She stiffened and looked down when she noticed Seiya had moved in a little closer, his white pants pressed against her bare knee again. She wanted to say something but realized he had made room for Rei as she squeezed herself onto the leather couch.

She sighed. Of all the people. Looking at her raven-haired friend, she wasn't surprised to find Rei giving Seiya a long, thoughtful look.

_Is she checking him out?_

She looked from Seiya to Usagi, and then turned away.

_Oh no. That can't be good._

"This is cool! I'm glad we were all able to get together tonight," Ami said cheerfully.

"Two years ago we all wouldn't have been spending time together like this," she added, a good-natured smile on her face as she casually reminded everyone of the past tension between the Starlights and the Outer Senshi. Makoto, Rei, and Usagi all looked at the blue-haired girl with wide eyes. That's when Usagi realized that the usually perceptive genius had been so engaged in watching Minako's performance that she had missed the tense exchanges between Seiya and Haruka.

_Oh, Ami-chan, why?_

Haruka was quick to huff and respond with, "Kou and I actually spent some quality time together a few days ago."

"Huh?" Usagi blurted with a scrunched, confused face. She turned to Seiya.

"That's … interesting," She added slowly. Alarm bells were going off in her brain and pounding throughout her chest.

_Why would he and Haruka be together?_

Did… did Haruka know about them?

Usagi wished Seiya would look at her and catch her glance, but his eyes were focused on the tall blonde across from him. They looked like enemies ready for battle and it set her on edge. She wouldn't have been surprised if Haruka pulled out Uranus' Space Sword at that very moment.

"Are you and Michiru doing another joint concert?" Ami asked, her eyes wide and voice filled with excitement.

Before Seiya or Michiru could say anything, Haruka said bluntly, "No, he dropped by the track to start a fight with me."

"Oh," Ami said quietly, and then promptly pursed her lips together.

"Haruka, be nice," came Michiru's soft plea.

"_What_?!" Usagi gasped out. Suddenly the fading bruise on Seiya's cheek and Haruka's split lip made sense.

"You know I didn't start that," the singer retorted, narrowed eyes boring into Haruka's. "I came to talk. _You_ wanted to fight."

"So when you showed up at my job and yelled at me for being controlling and not knowing my place, you weren't trying to start a fight?" Haruka asked, raising her voice with anger.

Michiru gripped her partner's arm and said gently, "Not now, my love."

"And I meant every word of it!" Seiya stood, standing up quickly. "You're the one that put your hands on me! Maybe you didn't like what I had to say because it was true."

"Hey!" Rei yelled, standing up as well and putting a hand to Seiya's chest. "Sit down! This is Minako's night. Don't ruin it." She shot an angry glare to Haruka across the table. "And you too. This isn't the place."

"You both sound like children," Makoto chastised, shaking her head.

Seiya sucked in a short breath and quickly stormed away from Rei. Usagi stopped herself from reaching out and following him. She wanted desperately to take his hand and comfort him, but she knew how it would look. Instead, she watched him as he leaned against the railing at the top of the staircase, clenching the metal tightly.

"I've had it with him," Haruka said angrily, her attention now focused on the wide-eyed, pigtailed blonde.

"Haruka…" Michiru warned, her voice no longer soft and pleading. It was tense, like a mother scolding a child.

"No! He needs to go back to his planet!"

"This _is_ his planet now. Just, stop. Stop!" Usagi snapped the words angrily as she closed her eyes and shook her head. She had enough. Frustrated, she brought her hands to her face and took in a deep breath to stop herself from screaming.

"What do you mean this is his planet?" Haruka countered.

"I can't talk about this right now," she said, her words muffled slightly behind her hands.

"No, I want to know what you mean!"

"She said to leave it alone, Haruka," Rei said. Usagi looked up with stinging eyes full of tears, grateful to have someone defend her. "We'll have a meeting at the shrine tomorrow to talk about this. Let's have a good night for Minako," she added, her violet eyes shooting a stern glare at Haruka.

Usagi glanced over to where Seiya had been standing, a deep frown on her lips when she realized he was gone. As the stage lights turned on and Minako stepped back into the spotlight, Usagi found her place against the balcony railing. Though she tried her best to keep her eyes on Minako, she couldn't stop herself from looking down into the audience, her eyes scanning for a white suit and long black hair. There were just too many people.

_You're here for Mina-chan_, she reminded herself as she tried her best to listen. But as Minako's voice echoed throughout the club, speaking about her gratitude for her friends and family, Usagi's thoughts were clouded by Seiya.

She wasn't used to this. She wasn't used to being in the same place as Seiya but not being next to him. She wanted to share _hors d'oeuvres_, sip each other's drinks, and take pictures together. She wanted to slide her fingers between his, dance, and sing the night away. With a sigh, she watched as her friend sang a final song on the stage - a sweet ballad about the love she has for her friends - and she tried her best not to cry.

Minako's set had been short, and when the venue was full with the sounds of chatter and clinking glasses, the girls made their way downstairs to join the rest of the party. Seiya had effectively avoided their group for so long that Usagi had wondered if he'd gone home, but she forced herself to push that thought aside when Minako joined them.

Dressed in a shimmering red dress, Minako took a moment to hug each girl and thank them for coming.

"I'm sorry I can't chat long, I gotta mingle, but I'll try to say hi again soon," she said before she blew kisses and moved on to greet her other guests.

As they stood near a table of desserts and talked about summer plans, she finally spotted him.

With a drink in his hand, Seiya was standing near the bar. The woman he spoke to - a petite, purple-haired woman in a pastel dress - was leaning in and laughing at something he had said. Usagi pursed her lips together tightly.

_It's totally fine that he's talking to her,_ she grumbled to herself.

It was when the cotton candy-haired woman took his arm and led him toward the photo-booth that Usagi felt a hesitant tap on her shoulder. She glanced over to meet the large, blue eyes of Michiru.

"Can we talk in private for a moment?" She asked. If it was socially acceptable, Usagi would have groaned.

Instinctively, she glanced at Haruka. Blue-grey eyes watched the two with a frown, but she didn't make any move to say anything.

"Uhhh… sure, I guess." Usagi said, shooting one last look at Seiya before she followed Michiru into the hallway. They passed the bouncer, the staircase, and a line of girls waiting for the bathroom before finding a place to stand near the emergency exit.

"What do you want to talk to me about?" Usagi asked. From where she stood, she could see an opening in the crowd. She couldn't see much, but it still distracted her. She did her best to keep her eyes on Michiru.

"Seiya did come to the track the other day," Michiru began.

Usagi swallowed nervously and asked, "What did he say to Haruka?"

"That's her part to tell. But… he did talk to me too."

The aqua-haired woman who usually looked so composed looked down at her heels with tears in her eyes.

"Did he say something mean to you?" Usagi asked, confused.

Michiru gave a sigh and shrugged her pale shoulders. "I don't know how to explain, Usagi-chan. I… I just want to say," she reached forward and took the girl's hands. "If you are hurting because of the burden of the future… if all of this… _behavior_ is because of that, then I'm sorry."

"Uhh… what?"

"We have a lot of expectations for you, Usagi-chan, but I hope you know that our intentions are good. We want what's best for you and what's best for our Kingdom. I didn't realize that it affected you so much. It may be hard to see now-you'll understand when you're older-but being a leader means making sacrifices..."

Suddenly, she caught a glimpse of Seiya's white suit glowing under the blue lights of the club. He was walking toward the exit.

She knew it was rude, but at that moment, Usagi decided that didn't have the time for Michiru's backhanded apology. She pulled her hands out of the woman's soft grasp.

"I can't talk about my sacrifices with you right now," she said quickly before she turned and slipped away, leaving a wide-eyed, stuttering violinist in her wake.

She tried her best to move gracefully through the crowd, but it proved to be difficult as her aching feet moved in high heels across the hard and sometimes sticky bar floor. She stumbled once or twice, throwing quick apologies as she continued on her mission toward the exit.

When she reached the doorway, she spotted a familiar lanky man in a chic black suit holding open a car door as Seiya climbed into the back seat.

"Hold it, Arashi," Usagi shouted quickly, her feet now jogging toward the vehicle. Before the driver could react, she slipped into the car after Seiya, her body pressed to him firmly and half of her bottom hanging off the edge of the leather seat.

"Scoot over," she demanded. Without a word, the musician moved his body toward the opposite window, allowing enough room for Usagi to slide all the way onto the seat and firmly pull the door closed. She could see the brightness of flash bulbs outside of the window, but she didn't have time to worry about how any of that would look.

"What happened with Haruka?" She asked, the frustration and fear finally bubbling to the surface. She paused when Arashi sat down in his seat, buckled his seatbelt, and then turned to look at the pair in the backseat.

"I'm taking you home, sir?" Arashi asked, his eyes apologetic.

"You're dropping me off at my apartment first," she said sternly. The driver glanced at his client who simply nodded. Usagi leaned forward quickly and pressed her hand against a button that she knew was there but had never seen Seiya use. Slowly a partition rose between them and Arashi.

"I need you to tell me what's going on because I was completely blindsided in there," she said, tears pooling in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Usagi. I didn't think she was going to be there or that it was going to be like that. I went to talk to Haruka a few days ago and it got out of hand," he answered.

"Talk about what?" She cried. "Does she know? Is that what the fight was about?"

"No, of course not! Do you really think I would do that to you?"

"So, you tracked her down to talk about what then?!"

"To talk about the way they treat you, Usagi. The way they make you-"

"No, Seiya! I did not confide in you to have you go run to Haruka and try to make it better! You're ruining everything!" She cried out. Their shouting was so loud that she was sure Arashi could hear every word. With a red face and clenched fists, she didn't think she'd ever had such a heated argument with anyone like this in her life. Well, Rei, maybe.

"I don't care if I ruin everything if it means that they treat you better."

"It's not your place to interfere..."

"Well you're not standing up for yourself, so someone has to!"

"I don't need you to fix everything, Seiya. You can't fix everything that's wrong with my life!"

"Then you fix it, Usagi! For fuck's sake. Do something about it. Stop wallowing in your fucking self-pity and take some control of your goddamn life!" He yelled.

The blood running through her veins suddenly felt cold and she had to clench her teeth to keep from trembling. As she looked at Seiya, the tears running freely from her eyes, she couldn't find words to respond with. She stared at him for a painfully long, tense pause before she leaned over toward the partition.

"Stop the car, Arashi!" She called out, lowing the window. "I want to get out!"

"Here? But-"

"Just stop the car!"

As she fumbled with her purse, Seiya closed the partition again. When Usagi could feel the car slow to a stop, she turned to say something to Seiya, and he quickly moved to cup her face in his hands. With an angry scowl she tried to pull away, but he tightened his gip.

"Let go of me, Seiya!"

He leaned in and whispered fiercely, "Not until you listen to me! There are things you can't change, but there are so many things that you can, Usa-chan. If you don't start taking control of your life you'll never be able to accept the things in the past that hurt you. The past is done but you can change your future."

Something about the desperation in his voice made her throat dry and tears spill from her eyes.

"But," she croaked. "I have to do what's right for everyone."

"No, you don't. Not at your expense. I'm telling you this because you need to hear it. It's okay to grow up and not want the same things that you wanted when you were a kid. It doesn't make you selfish. It makes you human. It just means that you're growing and changing, and that's okay. You don't have to force yourself to marry someone for the good of everyone else."

"But the future-"

"You said it already, Usa. The future has already changed. The future is always changing. You broke the rules and saw your future and got fooled into thinking that was the only option. It's not."

Usag's body shook as she sobbed. With shoulders slumped she wanted to look away, but she couldn't. She was so captivated by those blue eyes that bore into her soul.

"I know I'm supposed to just let you figure things out, but I can't. I tried that tonight and it lasted about thirty seconds. I can't offer you 'Crystal Tokyo' or a perfect future because I have no idea what the future looks like for me, but I can love you. I can make you happy. I can be enough. I _know_ I can because I know you. I know that you don't want to be stuck in a castle with a prince who is waiting for you to be someone else. I love you for who you are now and I'll love you no matter who you'll be in the future."

She took Seiya's calloused hands and pushed them away from her, then in defeat, laid back against the soft leather seat. Her eyes looked out the opposite window as tears streamed over her rosy cheeks.

"Do you want me to take you back to the party?" He asked gingerly.

She sniffed and shook her head, sure that her eyes were red and swollen.

"No. I just want to go home." She said in a small voice.

Seiya leaned forward and cracked the window, instructing the driver to continue the journey to Usagi's apartment building. Just as the car began to move again, the ding of an incoming message cut through the thick silence of the backseat. Taking her phone out of her purse, she read the message from Rei with a deep sigh:

_Where are you? Ami said you were outside but we can't find you anywhere! _

"Is everything okay?" Seiya asked with a soft, concerned voice.

"Yeah," was all she said as she quickly typed out a message to her friend, explaining that she wasn't feeling well and was on her way home. Once that was done, she sent one to Minako.

_I'm soooo proud of you, Mina-chan! You are amazing! Sorry to leave without saying bye. I think I drank too much and I don't feel good at all :( Let's get together soon._

As her fingers tapped against the screen of her phone, she could feel Seiya's eyes on her.

The silence was incredibly uncomfortable and Usagi couldn't wait to get out of the car. The moment it rolled to a stop, her hand was on the handle and she quickly jumped out.

"Wait," Seiya urged before the blonde could slam the door. "I know you think I'm just being an asshole, but please think about what I said."

With a scowl drawn onto her pretty features, she looked him over. She took in his stylish suit, glossy blue-black hair, and his sad, dark blue eyes. She didn't understand how it was possible to be this angry with someone she cared about so much.

And without a word, she closed the door and turned away.


	19. Chapter 17: Secrets Don't Make Friends

Hi all! I wanted to say thank you so much for the reviews, favorites, and follows. I have been dragging my feet on editing and posting this chapter, but your kind reviews were the motivation I needed! I've edited this so many times, but I think I need to just go for it.

Thank you all for reading! xo Amethyst

* * *

CHAPTER 17: Secrets Don't Make Friends

Usagi groaned miserably as she felt herself getting closer to the waking world. She tried to keep her eyes closed and cling to the dream that was already slipping away from her, but her body refused to ignore the uncomfortable dryness of her mouth or the headache that throbbed against her temple any longer.

"I didn't even drink that much," she croaked out against her pillow. She blindly reached behind her with stretched fingers, attempting to grab the blanket that must have slipped off of her in the night, but found herself growing increasingly annoyed when she couldn't feel anything.

It was then that she realized with a grunt and a bit of shame that she was still dressed in her cocktail dress from the night before _and_ that she had fallen asleep on top of the blankets.

"This is so pathetic," she grumbled. She caught the flash of her phone's screen lighting up and with pouting lips, she reached out to grab it. As the events of last night came back to her, she wasn't surprised at the amount of unread messages that waited for her in her inbox. She scrolled through the notifications quickly, and though the messages were predictable, she still felt guilt building in her chest.

_aww im srorry youre sick babe please be safe! Thanks u for coming, i luuuuuuv u!_ -Minako

_If you told me you weren't feeling well I would have given you a ride. Please be safe and call me when you get home._ -Ami

She snorted at Michiru's text that read,_ That didn't go the way that I planned. Let's get together and talk._ Usagi didn't feel guilty about that one.

As expected, Rei was much more persistent with her messages.

22:32: _Why didn't you tell us you were feeling sick? We would have made sure you got home OK. Where are you right now?_

22:37: _How are you getting home?_

22:48: _?_

22:49: _Are you with Seiya?_

23:00: _Did you make it home?_

23:45:_ I tried calling. Please answer. I'm worried._

00:30:_ I'm guessing you fell asleep... Call me tomorrow please_

The lines of Usagi's frown deepened when she noticed a group text from Rei.

_MANDATORY senshi meeting at noon. I don't care what you have going on. CANCEL IT._

She furrowed her brows as she thought back to the argument between Seiya and Haruka in the VIP room. That's right, Rei _did_ say that they would have a meeting tomorrow to clear the air...

But Usagi didn't think she was _actually _serious about that.

Usagi released a loud, frustrated sigh before she tossed her phone to the other side of the bed. She knew she should go. She knew she _had_ to. Undoubtedly they wanted to hear everything that she knew about Seiya's presence on Earth, but…

She bit her lip as his sad, dark blue eyes flashed across her mind. She peeled off the lace dress, eyeing the way the tight sleeves of the garment had created deep, red lines into her skin before tossing it onto the floor. She wished that she could shed the memories of her fight with Seiya just like she'd shed the dress, but the look on his face and the words on his lips were etched into her brain.

She lifted her blanket and crawled underneath, not batting an eye when her phone tumbled onto the floor and landed with a _thud_ onto the carpet.

_"Stop wallowing in your fucking self-pity and take control of your goddamn life!"_

The tears were immediate. How could he say something like that to her?

_"It's okay to grow up and not want the same things you wanted when you were a kid."_

How could that be okay when the fate of the planet rested on her shoulders? She knew that he understood the weight of duty. Why didn't he understand this?

_I can love you. _

_I know I can be enough._

_I love you._

Usagi sought the comfort of her fluffy pillow as she began to sob. The fabric soaked in her tears and muffled her loud, crackling cries as she let out her feelings, her worries, and her energy. She ignored the discomfort of the dampness against her cheek, weeping until her lips were dry and her eyes were tender. She didn't know how long she stayed that way, but eventually, she drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

_Bang Bang Bang!_

The sound of a fist banging on the front door had Usagi shooting up in bed, one blonde bun unraveled completely and the other drooping from her head.

_Bang Bang Bang!_

"Calm down, I'm coming!" She shouted as she quickly stood on shaky legs and slipped on a plain robe, wiping sleep from her eyes and drool from her cheek. The banging continued as her bare feet padded across the carpeted floor of her apartment. When she peeked through the peep hole, she couldn't help the frustrated sigh or the roll of her eyes.

"What?" She asked through the door.

"It's four-o-freaking-clock!" Rei answered with a scowling, reddened face. "We waited for you and we tried calling you! What the hell, Usagi? You owe me an explanation!"

Blowing a resigned sigh through her lips, Usagi unlatched the locks and opened the door just enough to poke her head into the hallway.

"I told you last night that I wasn't feeling well, Rei. I'm sorry I missed your meeting, but can we do this another time?"

"It wasn't _my_ meeting," she countered. Her violet eyes looked up and down Usagi's body, from the sloppily tied robe to the mascara that ran down her face. "You do look like crap though. What happened?"

Her eyes felt so dry that she didn't think it was possible, but at the thought of her argument with Seiya, she felt the familiar prickling of tears. "I don't think I can talk about it," she choked out, bringing her hands up to cover her face. She hated to cry like this in front of Rei. The shrine maiden was always so strong and composed, and sometimes it made Usagi feel weak in comparison.

The hostility on Rei's face quickly melted away as she stepped forward and guided her crying friend away from the door. Usagi kept her face hidden, but she could hear the soft clicks of the door being closed and the lock being turned. Moments later, she could feel arms around her, embracing her with warmth and the soft smell of jasmine.

"Rei-chan," she cried out, her shoulders shaking as she leaned into her friend's comforting embrace.

"Usagi-chan?" Rei asked gently, though Usagi could hear the fear that trembled in her voice. "You're scaring me. Did something happen to you last night? Is that why you left?"

Her voice was apprehensive, as is she were afraid of the answer that Usagi would give.

"No. God, no, Rei, nothing _that_ dramatic," she mumbled, pulling away so that she could plop her tired body onto the sofa.

"I noticed that Seiya left early too," Rei said evenly.

"I saw him leaving and I made him give me a ride home," she said, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "It wasn't planned... and I didn't go home _with_ him."

"I see." Rei looked down at her bare knees with pursed lips and a thoughtful look in her eye.

"I know that look," Usagi mumbled. When she was met with silence, the blonde sighed with frustration. "Just say what you want to say, Rei."

"At the meeting that you ditched," Rei began, ignoring her friend's annoyed huff, "Haruka said that Seiya told her that we are forcing you to be in a relationship with Mamoru."

Usagi felt as if a weight had been dropped onto her chest. The force of it knocked the wind out of her, and it took a moment of wide-eyed panic before she realized that she forgot to breathe. She felt as if Seiya had misconstrued a dark secret and shared it with the world. She felt exposed.

"H-he said that? He shouldn't have-"

"I'm not done, Usagi. Last night… You two were gone for a really long time and I saw the lipstick on his jacket. I don't think anyone else noticed and I didn't want to say anything, but-"

Usagi's body tensed as she considered this. Had they been obvious? She gave Rei a hard glance and told her quickly, "Then don't say anything. Just stay out of it."

"How am I supposed to stay out of it? This isn't you, Usagi. I don't know what's gotten into you, but you need to figure it out. You're jeopardizing the fate of our entire solar system for your selfishness," she chided, annoyance and disappointment seeping into her words.

"My selfishness?"

"Yes! Whatever is going on with you and Seiya is selfish and wrong, Usagi. You need to end it now. Besides, it's so cruel to lead him on this way. You know he's in love with you."

"Shut up, Rei!" Usagi snapped.

"No, I won't! The Usagi I know is in love with Mamoru and would never-"

"Well, maybe you don't know me that well anymore! Maybe that Usagi is gone. I've changed."

"Because you're letting Seiya change you!"

"Are you serious? Do you really think everything was okay until Seiya arrived? Everything's been so… so…" She pinched her face as she thought of the right word to use, and maybe she was a little influenced by Seiya, because all she could finish with was, "..._fucked_ up for a long time!"

Rei's eyes widened in shock. Tsukino Usagi did not curse.

Her feelings were bubbling to the surface and escaping faster than she could catch them.

"I'm sick of everyone blaming Seiya for making things worse when all he's done is make things better. And I'm just so tired-so tired Rei, you have no idea-of everyone telling me what to do and then pretending like it's for my own good."

"...what are you saying, Usagi? This isn't you."

"It _is _me! I'm saying that maybe what Seiya said was right! You guys don't care about what I want or how I feel about any of this!" Somehow she felt nauseous, anxious, and relieved all at once? The relief was short-lived, however. Taking in the stillness of Rei's body and the wide, tearful gaze she held made Usagi feel sick.

"How could you say something like that?" Rei asked in a whisper. "Of course we care about you. We love you so much, we would never do anything to hurt you."

"But I don't want this anymore, Rei! I don't want this and I need you to be okay with that!" The blonde cried out, the tears streaming freely down soft cheeks. "I'm not… I'm not her, I'm not _that_ Serenity! Why can't I just be me? Why can't Usagi be enough?"

"I hear you, Usagi-chan, I really do. You're getting closer to getting married and you're getting cold feet, that's all. You can't throw your whole future away over some little infatuation. Your feelings for Seiya will pass," Rei said, her hand resting over Usagi's as she spoke in a soft, placating voice.

However, Rei's attempt to soothe her felt condescending and dismissive. She felt belittled, like a child crying over lost candy. With a heat exploding in her chest and a deep hurt shining in her blue eyes, she pulled her hand from Rei's grasp and held it to her chest.

"Do you really think so little of me? Do you really think I'd destroy the perfect future for a _crush_? This isn't about Seiya. It never was! I've been feeling this way since way before that incense burner ever showed up here. Mamoru and I haven't been okay for a long time, and Seiya isn't... what I feel for him isn't just an 'infatuation', Rei."

"Maybe it doesn't feel like it now, but you and Mamoru can make it through this. You hit a rough patch and you have to work through it. I know you can do it. Do it for Crystal Tokyo, Usagi-chan."

Usagi stood up quickly, anger buzzing throughout her body as she looked down at her friend with frustrated blue eyes. "Are you even listening to me?! I don't _want_ to do it for Crystal Tokyo! Everything has changed already, Rei! That Crystal Tokyo doesn't even exist anymore! It's all pointless. Game over! Why should I keep pretending-"

"Wait, wait," Rei interrupted quickly, waving her hands in a signal for Usagi to stop. "What do you mean it doesn't exist anymore? You're not making sense!"

Usagi swallowed heavily, pushing down the anxiety that begged her to _just stop talking_, and the bile that threatened to rise from her stomach. The panic in Rei's voice was unsettling.

"The Crystal Tokyo that we saw was a fantasy, Rei. We've all been trying to make everything happen the way we saw it as if it was set in stone, but it's not. It never was."

"How do you know that?" Rei asked, her voice trembling, eyes sharp and focused.

"Sailor Pluto told me," she admitted gently, seeing how affected her friend was. After all, _she _had time to process this. This was new information for Rei. She took a deep breath and sat down.

"I don't know what you remember about Crystal Tokyo, Rei… but what we saw and experienced... it was all an echo. A representation of where our feelings were when we were fourteen. _Fourteen_, Rei. Just think about how many experiences we've had since we were that young! I have felt so much change inside of me…" She paused, her voice choking a bit as she thought about faces that haunted her at night. Galaxia in her golden armor. A woman with silver feline eyes trapped within a mirror. She shook those villains away and put them back into their compartment.

"But Rei, even if it was set in stone, I'm still my own person. I have my own hopes and dreams."

"I thought Mamoru was your hope and your dream," Rei said, confusion in her watery eyes.

"He was," Usagi whispered, her voice cracking. "He really was, Rei, but what I wanted when I was fourteen isn't what I want now. You're so worried about me losing this 'perfect' life, but what was perfect about it? Mamo and I were together because we were expected to be. We were together because of the feelings of people who died a thousand years ago. We hated each other before we knew that! And even now… we have so much love for each other, but we're so disconnected." She wiped the tears away with the bottom of her palm.

"The only thing we've ever really had in common is Endymion and Serenity," she finished in a whisper.

There was silence between them as Rei's eyes focused on the ground before her. Usagi could tell from the way her violet orbs darted back and forth that she was mulling over everything she had said.

"This is so overwhelming," Rei confessed before finally looking up. "I don't know what all of this means for us… but, whatever you decide to do, Mamoru doesn't deserve to be betrayed."

"You're right, Rei," she said softly. "He doesn't deserve that. I wish I could take it all back and do it differently, but what's done is done."

Rei cocked her head and raised her eyebrows with surprise, and Usagi realized that she had just confirmed what she probably suspected but didn't want to ask.

"Nothing I can say or do will justify what I've done, Rei," she said, looking the raven-haired woman in the eye. "But I know that this not what I want and I really don't think it's what he wants either. We weren't supposed to know the future or interact with people from it, but we did because of several lapses in judgement that were never supposed to happen. Do you think the world would crash and burn if the rules hadn't been bent for us and we ended up having to figure this all out on our own? Did Neo-Queen Serenity and King Endymion have a guide or did things just happen they way they were supposed to for them?"

When Rei didn't answer, Usagi sighed heavily. "I had this dream the other night. It was in Crystal Tokyo. As usual, Mamo-chan looked so handsome in that ridiculous lavender suit, and he was rocking Chibiusa-chan in his arms."

"Chibiusa?" Rei interjected curiously. "Is that the girl who came here? How do you know she was your daughter?"

Usagi ignored the pain of Rei's innocent question and continued, "I was there too, but I wasn't sitting with them. I wasn't rocking her or singing to her. I was trapped in this large crystal, just watching everything happen. It wasn't like when we went to Crystal Tokyo. I wasn't asleep. I was awake and just watching the world go by. People would talk to me and I could talk back, but I couldn't move. I can't let that be my future, Rei-chan. I didn't really think I could be more than that until Seiya showed up. He makes me feel like I don't have to change into someone else. I feel like I can just grow up and be the person I am inside of me. Sometimes it's hard, because I'm so used to hiding all the things that hurt me and pretending like everything is okay. Seiya makes me confront myself all the time and I hate it so freaking much, but I love it too because here I am dealing with these things that I thought would break me, and when I'm with him I know I'm not dealing with them alone."

"You were never alone, Usagi-chan. You just never gave us the chance to understand," Rei spoke, the bitterness in her voice tugging at Usagi's heart.

"I know I hurt you by shutting you all out, and I'm so sorry for that. I just wasn't ready, Rei-chan."

"And Mamoru? Couldn't you give him the chance to understand too?"

Usagi sighed. "It's not just about Chaos and Galaxia, even though I know it looks that way. Yes, Seiya was with me at the end of the world, but Mamoru has been too, so many times. I don't know how to explain it to you Rei, but I connect with Seiya in a way that Mamoru and I never could."

"But you and Mamoru love each other," Rei choked out through tears.

"We do," Usagi said gently, surprised when felt a lump in her throat and new tears stinging her eyes. "But I've always felt like I was this little kid pretending to be more grown up so that the handsome prince would stay in love with me. And even though he thinks I couldn't tell, I could feel that sometimes he was annoyed waiting on me to grow up. And when I finally did, it just wasn't what he imagined. He was expecting an elegant queen, and here I am-a damaged, lonely person because of what I went through."

"You're not damaged, Usagi-chan," Rei whispered gently.

"No, Rei, I am, but it's okay. I won't be that way forever." She smiled sadly as she looked down into her lap, her hands clutching at her soft robe. "Do you want to know what really happened last night?"

Rei's eyebrows rose in surprise, and Usagi could tell that even though she had spilled the deepest and darkest of her feelings today, her best friend still had not expected her to fully let her in.

"I got into Seiya's car to confront him about what he said to Haruka, and we ended up having this huge argument. He really cut me deep with what he said... not because he was mean, but because he was _right_. He said that I have to change the things that I can change and that I have to accept the things I can't. I never feel like he's trying to fix me, but he gives me the courage to want to fix myself. He makes me feel like I don't have to wait for Serenity to take over for everything to be okay. "

"You talk about Serenity like she's a parasite."

"She's not," Usagi answered softly. "I just realized that I'm not ready to give up being me yet. I don't think I'll ever be ready for that. The way things were going it felt like I had to get rid of Usagi to become Serenity, but I want to figure out how to be both."

Rei gave a short mumur before she closed her eyes, her body tense and still as she seemed to think over what her friend had said.

"Usagi-chan," She began, her voice uncharacteristically timid, "I'm going to ask you something and I need you to tell me the truth."

She took Usagi's silence as a cue to continue.

"Do you love him?"

Usagi surprised herself with how quickly she managed to answer that very intimidating question.

"Yes, Rei-chan," she said, her voice steady and confident. "I do."

Rei pursed her lips together tightly, her eyes locked on Usagi's in a deep, intense gaze. Finally, she asked, "So what will you do now?"

Usagi paused to take in a deep breath, letting out a sigh that was thick with stress. "I uhh, I really don't know, Rei-chan. I have to talk to Mamoru. After that, I just don't know."

"Do you..." Rei trailed off for moment, her bottom lip between her teeth and she gave a thoughtful look. She seemed to be second-guessing what she wanted to ask, but decided to go through with it. "Do you need me to be there when you do it?"

"No, Rei, I couldn't ask you that. I know he's your friend too, and I... this is something I have to do on my own. I can't hide behind anyone. I just have to face it."

"Usagi-chan, I hope you know that not everything you said is true. We all want the best for you. Up until now, I thought that was Mamoru. We never would have encouraged this if we didn't think that you two loved each other. Crystal Tokyo still seems like it would be best for everyone. Can you imagine a world where there's no darkness or crime? I thought you and Mamoru were the key to creating that perfect world. I didn't mean to be so hard on you, I just thought," she paused, her eyes brimming with tears, "I thought I was being a good guardian. You're so kind, Usagi-chan, and you have a very special innocence about you. I didn't want Seiya to take advantage of that."

"Rei, he's never taken advantage of my kindness," Usagi said softly. "He's always been a good friend to me."

"I know. I should have had more faith in you. We all should have." With a heavy sigh, Rei took Usagi's hand in her own and gave it a squeeze. "I know that you'll do the best for this planet, no matter who is by your side. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like couldn't do your duty without Mamoru."

"I don't know how it all works now," the blonde said weakly. "Earth is his planet."

"It is, and that's okay. We'll figure it out."

Usagi found herself clenching Rei's hand nervously, her jaw tight as she really thought about what this meant for the Moon Kingdom. How could Crystal Tokyo exist if she and Mamoru did not bring their kingdoms together? But...

"Rei-chan? I want you to know that no matter what happens, I'll do everything I can to protect this world. Pluto wasn't able to tell me anything specific, but I truly think that a version of Crystal Tokyo will exist. Everyone remembers it, and that's a good sign. Everything might be okay."

Rei flashed a smile through her tears that warmed Usagi from the inside out.

"As long as you're around, Usagi-chan, I know things will turn out the way they're supposed to. I know you'll protect us."

Without much thought, Usagi had her arms wrapped in a tight hug around Rei's small, toned shoulders. She turned to murmur into her silky black hair, "Thank you, Rei-chan. I don't think I could do any of this without you."

"You could," Rei answered, "but I would never let you. You're my best friend and I'll always be here for you."

The two sat in silence for some time, finding comfort in each other's warmth. When Usagi closed her eyes and breathed in the soft floral scent of Rei's perfume, she thought the image of the Crystal Palace she had visited so many years ago looked blurrier than she remembered.


End file.
